Off the back of the release of FPL’s least requested annual jingle
(Which actually the YIRMA boys smashed it with a banger single!)
I thought, scrap the crap graphics lads, raps are simple right?
So here’s GW16’s review titled, “Jack’s Kryptonite”
I’ve been a bit crap in FPL, but today I’ll preach a sermon
Ain’t much difference between my approach besides this time I keep returning
Maybe it’s because I pick United players, yeah yeah, I see people smirking
The last few years it’s defeated me but this season it’s working!
Crystal Palace 1-1 Leicester
For Palace there was nothing greater than a save from Guaita
The penalty saviour & 2 bonus point taker
Saved the day from Ihenacho’s lazy spot kick
Since Vardy was benched which was a shame because he’d have got it.
The Foxes had 17 shots to Palace’s 4, but they couldn’t hit a barn door
The match ended equal, after Zaha and Barnes scored
Leicester need to ensure they don’t start poor up in Teesside
Their form is dropping and need wins on the board, so they don’t fall behind!
Chelsea 1-1 Aston Villa
Some said this season Chelsea will show up…that’s what the talk was about
But now sit 6th with one win in 6 which isn’t nothing to talk about!
It’s awkward how it’s Giroud who scored, Werner’s awful now
I’m sure the board are talking about how to force him out
Meanwhile Villa are flying, 5th in the league deceives the eyes
Cash assisted pass to the back was a gift for El Ghazi to equalize.
Grealish still with kids shin pads is gifted, we all now believe the hype
With the January window open let’s see who’s got the P’s to buy.
Note/ This is harder than it seems.
I think Niall is way smarter than me…
Brighton 0-1 Arsenal
Despite the farcical start from Arsenal they beat Brighton
2 wins on the bounce but still in 13th is hardly exciting
But Arteta’s heart can calm for a second, fixtures are quite enticing
Pending they actually start, Saka & Laca are mighty inviting!
Brighton are hovering above relegation; they’re going down all day
They haven’t any goal threat at all besides Maupay
Stay clear of them in FPL there’s really no more to say
If you still have Lamptey then FPL really isn’t your forte.
Burnley 1-0 Sheffield Utd
In GW16 I broke into the top 10k OR with a GW score of 60
A quarter of my score (15) was delivered all because I picked Mee
Interest in him will rise quickly, 5 returns in 9 games.
Next up is a home match to Fulham is all I’m saying…
The Blades are blunt, just 2 points from 16 games is crap
We don’t own any of their players in FPL I know that for a fact.
If you do, then it’s Brewster, and that’s just to save cash
He’ll be 3rd place in your subs bench and that’s where he’ll stay, last.
Southampton 0-0 West Ham
Anyone else getting bored of this?
Well, this one ended scoreless
Despite the return of Ings
He did nothing in 90 mins
Clean sheets awarded all round though
Hopefully earning a few of you green arrows
Fixtures are now naff for the Saints
So you’d better have an exit plan in place.
(worst one yet…. reaches towards the whisky cabinet for “inspiration” …BRB)
West Brom 0-5 Leeds
So we all have Bamford, see 5-0 and get all elated
Until we realise all he did was assisted 2 and with FPL points only bagged 8
He was outperformed by Alioski and Dallas at the back
Both scoring 12 points with returns in attack
West Brom are looking naff, only player over 1% owned is Button
And he hasn’t even played one minute, zero, nothing!
But if you’re looking for differentials, let me tell you something
They’ve got Arsenal next, so expect West Brom to give the Gunners a thumping!
Man Utd 1-0 Wolves
Here’s my secret, my kryptonite from every season past
I pick many United players because I support them, regardless of the stats
My heart tells me they’ll bang, even when my head tells me they’re naff
But for once, this season, looks like I’m having the last laugh
Everyone has Bruno, he’s the elite FPL commodity to own right?
But I also have Sir Rashford who’s been under the radar for time
7 goals so far, Bruno 10, United are now surprisingly in form
Although Villa next, Liverpool soon so we don’t know what we’re in for
Newcastle 0-0 Liverpool
Liverpool drew, the other 19 team fans erupted as the league isn’t theirs (yet)
Teams will now park the bus against Klopp and couldn’t really care less
FPL clean sheets were a bonus though, a let off if you had them
For most with Salah we’re still puzzled why he couldn’t make anything happen
It’s a blip, Liverpool are too good & Klopp’s men will soon click into action
Although saying that, Southampton next so expect Danny Ings to bag then
You’ll keep hold of Salah, you may even own Mane but sure as hell you wont sack them
But my top tip for 2021. In Manchester RED is the colour in fashion!
Dear god…Why did I do that? (sorry everyone!)
Happy New Year!