Written by Mr. Niall Hawthorne

We have reached the end of the road. The cul-de-sac of Fantasy Premier League greets us once more, and upon your arrival you will either be lauded as a hero or mocked as a failure. As ever there are winners and losers, but as with life it’s the taking part that counts.

For all of you who have read these wittering’s over this season and previous seasons, thank you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the political outbursts, the sociological musings but most of all I’m sorry for the rank bad tips.

I did occasionally get it right, and I think I bow out with a full three 0.0% tips who hauled. So thank you (from memory) Will Smallbone and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, you sweet princes. 

My biggest thank you though goes to Ryan @FantasyYIRMA for being dumb enough to let me put into words what goes around in my brain. There aren’t many people with his bravery, his judgement and his legal team who got me out of many a libellous situation.

He’s become an actual friend in real life (yes, we’re both actual real people), and I can honestly say not many people have ever become an actual friend in my 45 years on this planet. I have loads of friends from my years on other planets, but that’s a different story for a different time.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. There’s one more gameweek to navigate. 

Onto GW38! 

GW38 Defender: Antonio Rudiger, Chelsea

You suspect that this may well be the last rodeo for many a man in blue at Stamford Bridge this Sunday, but we know for certain that Rudiger is setting sail towards a new horizon this summer. 

He’s been a stalwart for Chelsea and I fancy him to sign off with a typical array of slaloming charges forward from the back, towering headers at set-pieces and stout defending against the mighty attacking forces of *checks notes* Watford. 

Heh. 

GW38 Midfielder: Heung Min Son, Spurs

Assuming he’s avoided the lasagna / virus / locusts that seem determined to derail Spurs ahead of yet another crucial last game of the season Champions League qualifying game, you have got to fancy Sonny to do the business against already relegated Norwich City at Carrow Road. 

Will both Kane and Son be at Spurs next season? There’s no guarantee, so this may be the last time the old double-act get to perform together. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers got nothing on these two. 

Play it again, Son. 

GW38 Forward: Jamie Vardy, Leicester City

The rise of Vardy through the league ranks from the lower leagues to Premier League champion always made me wonder what drove his ambition, his desire and his will to succeed, and now we know. 

You’d do whatever it took to ensure you got to get out of his house and leave Mrs. Vardy behind every morning and weekend too, wouldn’t you? 

Good lord. 

Anyway, this Sunday he gets to leave Becky and the courtroom behind as he faces Southampton at home. Leicester beat Southampton 9-0 in recent seasons, away from home. Just saying. 

GW38 Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool

You don’t think my final ever column wasn’t going to recommend Salah as Captain, did you? 

I don’t care if he’s a doubt. I don’t care if he’s not in the best form. I don’t care if it’s the year 2032 and he’s been retired for 8 years. One simple rule will never change in life: 

ALWAYS. CAPTAIN. SALAH. 

GW38 Outsider: You, dear reader

Yeah, it’s you. Specifically, you, reading this right now. Yes, you. 

No matter how badly you did this season, there’s always next season. You may be the outsider, but you have a chance. You’ll always have a chance. 

Take care now.