Fantasy Football: Jesus out till Easter

Feeling Fuzzy: Gameweek 25 Review

“Clearly, Jesus is Mortal”

Written by @FuzzyWarbles (That’s important)


Right, Fuzzy here with another FPL gameweek review. The YIRMA empire and its readers may be shocked to see a column in two consecutive weeks. What can I tell you? Life is a struggle when you reach the height of fame in your youth, as I did with my open letter to FPL regarding the “Cedric Incident”. Eventually, the adulation and plaudits begin to fade while I succumb to the throws of multiple addictions, including but not limited to: Alpine skiing, Ivanka Trump’s clothing line and accessories, and MLT’s (mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwiches). I can only thank FantasyYIRMA for believing in the talent he sees in me, blurred by all of my shortcomings.


So let us get right into the week that was, because I am already having MLT withdrawal. The biggest headline can be summed up by the shortest verse in the Holy Bible – “Jesus owners wept”.

Yes, those first two starts by Gabriel Jesus gave plenty of reason for FPL managers to rush out and buy him, evoking scenes of Wal-Mart shoppers stampeding their way through the gates the morning after Thanksgiving. (Am I making too many American references here for a global audience?) Plenty of managers were likely already aware that Manchester City would only have one match to play in the league until March. And in that one match, Monday night against Bournemouth, Jesus suffered a fractured metatarsal, coincidentally Fractured METALtarsal was the name of my death metal band back in my university days.

gaffer tapes

Jesus’ season may be over, but as “Life of Brian” once taught me in these situations – “Always look on the bright side of life (whistle…..whistle, whistle, whistle)”. In pure backfiring style, a la loaning off Joe Hart to bring in Claudio ____ ( I don’t want to print his last name because it is an exclamation you give someone for an outstanding performance and, let’s face it, this dude stinks), hours after hinting that the Sergio Aguero era may soon be over, inferring that Jesus is the main striker for City’s future beyond this season, Pep’s new shiny toy broke. Now, whatever objectives Pep wants to achieve in this campaign will have to be depend on Kun. In a parallel universe, us fantasy managers may have to follow suit. It was a nice few weeks where there was no pressure felt in keeping Aguero and his lofty price tag out of our teams, but what do we do come Week 27, when City return from their blank and play last place Sunderland?


Get Aguero, that’s what – complete with a chip on his shoulder. Speaking of chip, if there was ever a time to roll the dice on a 3x captain FPL chip in a non-double gameweek, Week 27 might be it.


Moving to another topic I want to pontificate on – As my Spurs got their behinds handed to them by Liverpool and fall another point behind Chelsea, my interest in the title chase has begun to wane. Not so much because there still isn’t any drama to be had. The gap between 2nd and 6th is tight and I will still be tuning in to pretty much every match I can. It’s just…I am way more entertained right now following the relegation battle.


It is no longer a silly prophecy. Leicester City, defending CHAMPIONS, are in serious risk of dropping to the Championship. I have not seen a drop from heights as great as this since the US made the switch from electing Presidents to electing gameshow hosts with spray-on tans. (OK, I guess it hasn’t been that long) But seriously, Leicester cannot seem to dodge our attention, whether they are overachieving or falling from grace. Meanwhile, you have clubs that were looking dead in the water at the season’s halfway point, but some January signings have turned them around. Of course, I am talking about Cities Swansea and Hull. Also, we can never count out Sunderland. This is what they do. Stink, and then not stink just enough to stick around.


Speaking of “what they do”, Burnley look to be shaking off their “one-and-done” top flight status. Oh, I really enjoyed their play against Chelsea. You get clubs with better talent, and there are several of them in this league, to put in shifts the way the Clarets do at Turf Moor, and that is how you displace Chelsea from the top of the pile. The opposite of Burnley this season appears to be Crystal Palace. That club is loaded with proven talents and they simply cannot find their way. I thought the presence of Mathieu Flamini was supposed to fix all of Palace’s problems. Dark days at the YIRMA empire then.


There’s really only one club I want to see go down, no offense to their supporters – Middlesbrough. I don’t know. Maybe I am the victim of only catching when they are not at their best but watching them is like watching The Weather Channel on Ambien. The other day, I was out a restaurant with a few mates having dinner and I ordered a coffee. One friend told me I was crazy, would be up all night pacing around with caffeine still in my system, I told him “No worries, gonna watch the replay of the Boro match when I go home”. He made a face that clearly expressed – “Understood”.


And finally, I must do my duty in giving literary praise to the FPL gods for their divine intervention in Week 25. Junior Stanislas, who I was already looking to ship out after a no-show in Week 24, once again was fit and did not feature. I had him in my XI, and he was auto-subbed out for my 4.2m defender Maya Yoshida and his six points. Good fortune like that only comes around once or twice a season it seems, so it behooves me to acknowledge the gods when given a platform to do so.


Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got half a MLT sandwich to polish off before hitting the slopes in my Ivanaka ski attire.



Steve Rothgeb is a contributor for and, and now FantasyYIRMA  (on an incredibly wobbly trial period at least) a self-proclaimed fantasy sports oracle, and Tottenham Hotspur fanatic.

He can be found on Twitter @FuzzyWarbles.



Posted on 15 Feb 2017, in Player Selection and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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