Kane Set to Shine for Spurs and Southampton’s Pelle has Great Hair

#FPL Gameweek 34 Preview

Written by @CraigHazell

 You can also listen to Craig, Tom and Ash on their Fantasy Football Podcast – The Gaffer Tapes


One double game week is over and with it either left your season in tatters or in agonising hope. Smalling (13) and Sanchez (25) proved good picks with Welbeck, Iwobi and Coutinho falling very much in the ‘meh’ category. Of course if you (triple) captained Sanchez then you probably had Aguero anyway so those smug Kun Captainers were soon sheepish when The Sanch, as no one calls him, bagged another two against West Brom. That’s all done now and we face a much reduced week with another DGW afterwards, so you’ll have to weigh up whether 4 point hits are worth it.

DEFENDER: Mamadou Sakho, Liverpool

One thing we have learned is that the DGW throws up some right selection headaches. Liverpool disgracefully (for those who picked Coutinho) fielded a suspect side against Bournemouth but one man who seems to be flourishing under Klopp is Mamadou Sakho. Yes he might run like Djimi Traore but he is actually a far superior footballer. Providing you don’t watch him play, he will never make you nervous and even grabbed a goal last week. Liverpool have Newcastle, Swansea and then a DGW against Watford and Chelsea. It’s conceivable they get 10 or more points from those games and Sakho has a shot in playing all 4.


MID: Picking Man City players is a risky one. They are clearly focused on Champions League aspirations and you saw that in their mediocre performance against Newcastle. However, KDB is a man who needs game time if he is to be in tip top condition for Real Madrid. He is only just starting to get 90 minutes under his belt and I think he will get another at home to Stoke. At 10.4m he is obviously no secret but only 10% of players have decided to draft him back into their side, with most preferring Sanchez. On current form, who can blame them? However, if you can afford both then why not throw this naughty little ginger into the mix. City are a different side with him playing and would still be in the title race if had stayed injury free. Stoke seem to have given up for the season, leaking 4 against Spurs and Liverpool and there’s no reason City won’t make it 12 in 3.

FORWARD: Graziano Pelle, Southampton

FWD: He’s Big! He’s got great hair! And if he asked me to hold him all night and caress im until he gently fell asleep while we both watched The Notebook then I so would. It’s Graziano Pelle! Everybody now! It’s a pretty good rule to play anyone who is up against Villa but up until last week Pelle was the most in form striker on the game and Villa are about as motivated as teenage goth with M.E. on prom night. Joleon Lescott is preoccupied with a homo erotic twitter affair with Stan Collymore and it should leave Saints to comfortable sweep up the points with a couple of the goals from Mr January, February, March, April, May, June August, September, October, November, December. Giroud is Mr. July.


CAPTAIN: Harry Kane, Spurs

CAPT: It’s impossible not to captain Harry Kane this week, in my opinion. With Vardy out, he will smell blood not only for the title but also the golden boot (netting me 150 quid). Spurs look frankly incredible and what Harry Kane lacks in ability to keep his mouth closed when he’s not talking, he makes up for in work ethic and variety of goals. I’m sure most of you were going to do this anyway so all the more reason to agree with you.


OUTSIDER: Saido Mane, Southampton

OUTSIDER: I had every intention of picking James Milner this week, as he is officially the assist king of the Premier League. He has 16 for the season, more than Gerrard ever accomplished and looks even better in Henderson’s absence. However, he jumped up to 5.5% and clearly I wasn’t the only one bringing him in. So, I will go for Sadio Mane, a man who has previous in hitting form in the last few games of the season. The cynic would say he does this trying to force a Summer move to a higher paying club that isn’t in a tow with an average age of 64 but his 10 point outings against Liverpool and Everton would suggest he is ready to tear Aston Villa a new arsehole, to go with the other 33 they’ve already been torn this season.


Written by @CraigHazell

 You can also listen to Craig, Tom and Ash on their Fantasy Football Podcast – The Gaffer Tapes

gaffer tapes


Craig Hazell is a television professional, writer and Heart of Midlothian fan who makes up one third of the popular FPL podcast The Gaffer Tapes. As a student, Craig won the BBC Sports Broadcaster and Comedy Broadcaster of the year, before going onto to be a regular on the London open mic comedy circuit. He now writes about anything from TV & Movies, to food and of course football, providing he can shoehorn a 90s pop culture reference into just about anything.

Check out The Gaffer Tapes Podcast Here


Posted on 22 Apr 2016, in Player Selection and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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