#FPL OCD – Gameweek 5: It took 5 weeks – but he’s finally lost it…

by @JohnOC1991

Give John a follow on twitter at @JohnOC1991

Sometimes, when things don’t work out as you expected or hoped, you have to laugh. Of course my team, my team that has broken the 50 point barrier once in the first 5 GWs, fell short again. Of course it did. But do you know something?

This time I expected it. Oh, certainly, on paper it looked to be another great week. I mean, look at those players still nestled there; Sanchez has topped the touches in the box and shots on goal stats all season, it’s only a matter of time before they start to fly in, and he was at home to a Stoke side that have really struggled to get going. A certain captaincy choice any other week, but after a week of deliberating, I plumped for Aguero. Again, I checked the stats, and Crystal Palace, despite their impressive start, have a leaky defence. He is not in the best club form, and he travelled over the international break, but he was in sparkling form for his country. Besides, he’s Sergio Aguero. Those two were ably supported by Silva, Kolarov, Mahrez, Mane, Benteke, Wilson et al.

On paper, points guaranteed. Yet I have hit a point now where it all seems inevitable; my failure appears to be mapped out. 2 or 3 games is a blip, a patch that will end, but now it is extending beyond that.

It is not just me in this predicament; the fact that I am in the top 800,000 at least shows that my failings are by no means isolated, but I am coming to accept it. It is liberating, truly it is. I spent my Saturday in the gorgeous expanse of Regent’s Park, drinking and laughing with friends, soaking in the last of the London sun, only sporadically checking my phone. I was fresh from the pub, where I had just watched my team trounce Chelsea in a game in which I had no FPL interest, and it was wonderful. When FPL takes a backseat, you start to notice the little things. Look at the beautiful colour of the sky, listen to the birds singing their afternoon songs, see the light coruscating through the trees. Look how green it all is, look at the lake shimmering in the sun, look at all of the people around enjoying their Saturday, enjoying their weekend, enjoying their life. (Ed.. genuinely starting to think this guy has lost the plot now) Remember how it used to be before this game took hold? It can be like that again. It will be like that again.

So when I saw that Aguero had gone off injured? Well, you have to laugh. Sanchez hitting the post again? That’s fine. Arsenal get a 3^rd consecutive clean sheet, while I have had an injured Mertesacker sat in my team for all of them? Honestly it doesn’t matter. Watford keep a clean sheet, and Nyom is sat on my bench, but don’t worry, Silva and Mertesacker missing out means that I have 2 subs coming in.

What’s that? I made Nyom 3^rd sub, behind Francis and Westwood? I don’t mind, truly I don’t. Honestly, you don’t need to keep asking, it’s fine.

Do you know why? I’ll tell you why; because when something that you pour so much of your time, mind, and heart into fails so spectacularly, you have to laugh. When you give something so much effort, so much thought, your blood, sweat and tears, and it continues to laugh in your face? You have to laugh.

When you give this stupid, f***ing game, this piece of sh**, meaningless, pathetic little site everything you have, when you devote time to it at the expense of friendships, relationships, your weekends, at the expense of a real life, and it spits at you and reminds you that you are not in control, that you have no say over how well you do, that you are reliant on a real world game of football, that all of the weeks and months of preparation, all of the sacrifices, all of the research, all of the time and energy, have been for nothing, that they have been leading up to a Nyom 7 pointer at 3^rd sub, leading up to 3 Arsenal clean sheets while Mertesacker is injured, leading up to an Aguero injury, leading up to FPL points from Matic, Mikel, Lamela, Mason, Naismith, Jerome, Walcott, Ighalo, from Steve f***ing Cook…well…you just have to laugh, don’t you?

I don’t mind.

Really, I don’t.

What, those smashed plates?

No, that wasn’t anger, I was doing some Greek dancing.

That hole in the wall?

Just some electrical work.

This new relaxed version of me will carry on. This week, I will calmly save a transfer. Mertesacker is a clear problem, there is a strong chance that he won’t regain his place, but with no money in the bank, his 5.4 price poses a problem. My other defenders have good fixtures this week (having to bench one of Nyom, Huth and Francis actually gives me something of a benching headache), so I believe that I can manage another week with Mertesacker sat on the bench. Then, next week, I will possibly look at something along the lines of Mane and Mertesacker to Ayew and Bellerin.

Of course, something will come along to scupper those plans over the next 9 or so days, but that’s fine. If my whole team fall to various ailments and events, a la the Springfield baseball team in The Simpsons episode ‘Homer at the Bat’, I won’t mind. This is an updated, laid back FPL manager you’re dealing with here guys.

Pass me the whisky.

John went to University, finished his degree, and got a good job in the City of London. He is now in the process of throwing it all away in favour of FPL, a game with no notable rewards for success. He firmly believes this to be the correct decision.

Follow John on Twitter and read more on his blog here Go and Get the Guitar