Second last weekend of the league season. By next weekend, all the arguments will be settled. Liverpool will be champions after beating Southampton 10-0 and Wolves 7-0 after City lose to West Ham, Arsenal and Spurs will both have Arsenal-ed and Spurs-ed it up but one will accidentally get top four. United will end up in the Europa Conference League by mistake. Leeds United will escape the drop with a 95th minute goal to relegate Burnley, and the football gods will smile down on us all as they plot the storylines for next season.
GW37 Defender: Nathaniel Clyne
Picking a ‘sure’ defensive asset right now is like picking an honest Tory politician out of the current cabinet. You might get lucky, but you sure as hell weren’t going on facts.
Most teams have sod all to play for, so concentration won’t be optimal. Some teams have everything to play for, so desperation leads to mistakes.
I’m plumping for Crystal Palace this week, and namely Nathaniel ‘Patsy’ Clyne, who has quietly amassed 5 clean sheets in the last 8 GW’s and thrown in an assist as well. This week he faces Villa and Everton away from home, so a clean sheet against Villa and an outrageous 30-yard THUNDERBASTARD from the ex-LFC stalward to send Everton down is almost guaranteed.
GW37 Midfielder: Leandro Trossard, Brighton
After meandering serenely through this season doing the sum total of sod all, Leandro Trossard has suddenly sprung into life racking up an incredible 4 goals and 3 assists in his last 5 starts. He must have a contract renewal on the line, or else his agent has whispered something about Jurgen Klopp liking him into his ear.
In any case, he’s too good to ignore this week, particularly as Brighton travel to Elland Road to face the hapless Leeds United this Saturday. Wait, all the games are on Sunday? I thought that was GW38? Wait, it is? What?
Aww man, I prefer the old days.
GW37 Forward: Richarlison, Everton
Two home games to secure survival.
Brentford and Palace.
Everton need a hero. They’ve only got one option if they find one, right?
GW37 Captain: Heung-Min Son, Spurs
In his last 8 starts, he has 10 goals and 3 assists. 93 points, averaging…umm…just under 12 points a game.
He faces Burnley this week. Burnley conceded 3 to Villa last time out.
GW37 Outsider: Tony Springett, Norwich City
Go on, I dare you.