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GW29 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

I fondly remember the days when you could quietly and patiently build up to a Double Gameweek that would involve some of the biggest FPL hitters in the game.

These days they’re announced about 20 minutes before I put finger to keyboard.

Arsenal and Manchester City will play twice this week. If you have a few of their players in your squad already, good for you! If you haven’t, then you have a decision to make. -4? -8? -12???? With Pep Roulette? Are you bloody mad?

Oh, you’re reading this, of course you are.

Onto GW29!

GW29 Defender: Ben Foster, Watford

I’ve seen that video.

I’ve read what he does for those less fortunate them most.

He’s a fecking superstar. He’s also got 9 clean sheets and 15 Bonus Points this season.

Yes, this is a sentimental pick, but he also shut out Liverpool and has form.

The only downside is that he’s facing Christian Benteke, and he likes to be kind to those less fortunate…

Cue Benteke hat-trick.

GW29 Midfielder: Raheem Sterling, Manchester City

Raheem has had a bit of a Premier League break recently, but he is fit and back in action as witnessed at The Bernabeu.

He’s now almost a bit of a differential, particularly in a double gameweek, with an ownership of just 14.8% at time of typing.

He faces the notoriously non-stingy defences of Manchester United and Arsenal. The usual caveats of Pep Guardiola’s fickle finger of fate apply, but if you’re looking to make up ground, what you got to lose?

Plus, he’s off to Madrid this summer, so pick him while you can!

GW29 Forward: Diego Jota, Wolverhampton Wanderers

There’s form and then there’s FORM.

Diego Jota is in FORM. Plundering hat-tricks in Europe, and adding three goals and two assists in his last two league outings.

The fixtures are favourable also as Graham Potter leads his Seagulls to the Wolves. He’s owned by less than 7% of players too. If your mini-league rival has Jimenez, Jota is your man.

GW29 Captain: Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Arsenal

Did you hear the one about the striker that scored 49 league goals in just over two seasons, playing for a ropey team under three different managers and surrounded by a mix of kids, delicate flowers and spoofers?

You have actually, his name is Aubameyang, and he’s a premium striker in world football. How the f*ck Arsenal have him remains a mystery to me. Imagine if he played in a really good team?

Anyway, that’s enough winding up of @FantasyYIRMA for one paragraph. Auba plays twice this week and the first game is against a West Ham side who have decided that attack is the best form of defence. Against Arsenal this might work, but it might also leave them open to Aubameyang.

The second game is against a Laporte-less City defence.

All aboard!

GW29 Outsider: Ismaila Sarr, Watford

Following his frankly hilarious performance at Anfield a few weeks ago, his Senegalese ‘bro’ Sadio Mane asked Troy Deeney to look after Ismaila Sarr.

Yeah, that worked out well, didn’t it!

Sarr has played over 45 minutes in just 11 league games this season, and has five goals and four assists to his name. With Deulofeu out for the rest of the season, Nigel Pearson will be praying that Sarr remains fit as he’s their main hope of survival.

With an ownership of just 1.5% and a trip to Selhurst Park next up, you could do worse than pick up on Sarr’s coattails.

Then you just need to buy a player called COVID-19 and you’d have opponents avoiding you like the plague.

GW29 Draft: Michail Antonio, West Ham United

I’ve long been an admirer of Antonio. He reminds me of a beefier Stan Collymore in that he’s got all the attributes needed to be a monster of a footballer, but just can’t seem to put it all together consistently.

However, he’s a handful when he does play, and I can see him giving Sokratis/Luiz/Mustafi a torrid time with his pace and power, as West Ham attack as if their Premier League lives depend on it. And they do.

GW29 Preview Written by @NiallHawthorne

Fantasy Football – Gameweek 17 Preview Written by @NiallHawthorne

Christmas as an adult is weird. There’s no other way to say it.

As a child, you had one question at Christmas, namely what Santa Claus was going to bring you.

As an adult, this time of year is a veritable cornucopia of riddles and puzzles and queries that make you want to scratch your head and then tear your hair out.

‘What can I get my beloved so that I still get to have sexual relations in 2020?’

‘Where is the Christmas party being held? What eejit booked that???’

‘They want us to be where at what time? In rush hour????’

‘Who invited them? You do remember that he’s a bit…y’know and she’s very handsy, yeah?’

‘How long is our kids Christmas play? Are they doing a remake of Ben Hur????’

‘Who am I going to Captain in GW17 so I can lord it over my work colleagues at the party?’

Well I can help with one of those questions. For the rest, you’re on your own.

GW 17 Defender: Richard Domingo Barbosa Pereira, Leicester City

As we glance at the fixture list for GW17 there are two standout home bankers where those of us with a weakness for gambling and a fondness for single life will lump all the Christmas budget on a double acca, and then spend 5 hours on Saturday sweating like a Tory at a foodbank.

I was tempted to tip either of the Liverpool fullbacks, but Jurgen is rotating like a Catherine Wheel on New Year’s Eve at the moment due to fixture congestion, so it’s time to tip the team that have no European / World Club Cup commitments, and are putting up the biggest challenge to the Scouse Mentality Monsters. That fixture on Boxing Day looks tastier than your Boxing Day Leftover Sandwich.

Pereira faces struggling Norwich City at the King Power Stadium, and he’s off the back of six positive returns in his last seven fixtures. He’s even picked up valuable bonus points in four of those. Admittedly a return of the Pukki party could leave you feeling as pukey as the morning after your Christmas party, but nobody has conceded fewer than the 10 conceded by the Foxes. A clean sheet beckons, and he may also add to has two goals and single assist so far, this season.

GW 17 Midfielder: Sadio Mane, Liverpool

There’s a video on t’internet of a young scally outside Anfield being interviewed by Redmen TV after a game, about a season or a season and a half ago. In said interview he pronounced quite matter-of-factly that Sadio Mane is the best player in the world.

Oh, how we all laughed. The viewers, the crowd around him and even the presenter!

Who’s laughing now, eh? That kid was a visionary. He knows his onions. Mane has been stellar for two seasons, and his performance against Everton last week was one for the ages.

This weekend he faces rock-bottom Watford, having had a nice little rest last weekend. Liverpool tend to batter Watford at Anfield, as demonstrated by Salah’s haul of four goals a couple of seasons ago.

Watford have a new management and coaching team installed. I don’t want to get too dramatic about this, but their first outing could prove to be a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. Sadio! Sadio! Where for art thou hat-trick Sadio?

GW17 Forward: Tammy Abraham, Chelsea

While Chelsea are having their inevitable, and quite frankly overdue, first wobble under Frank Lampard, they face a forgiving fixture this weekend as they host Bournemouth.

That’s five defeats on the spin Bournemouth.

That’s Ake-less Bournemouth.

That’s probably Wilson-less and King-less Bournemouth.

I watched their performance at home to Liverpool last weekend, and they gave up. Absolutely and completely downed tools after Ake and Wilson were struck down by injury. That’s not a good sign. Chelsea need to steady the ship after two defeats in their last three, and Bournemouth are presenting them with a nice little float in the doldrums, which ironically could get them out of them…

GW17 Captain: Jamie Vardy, Leicester City

I know!

Shocking, right?

Well who else could you possibly captain this week? ELEVEN GOALS AND THREE ASSISTS IN HIS LAST 8 GW’S…84 POINTS IN 8 WEEKS.

He faces Norwich City who have conceded 34 goals in 16 games with just two clean sheets. He has his own record of 11 consecutive scoring games in sight. Leicester have won a club record eight in a row.

Look, you can captain somebody else if you want. It’s a free choice. But Vardy is owned by 50.2% of players, and 99.9999% of those are going to captain him.

So, take a chance if you want. But if I’m right and you’re wrong, it’ll be the biggest display of Red Arrows since the opening ceremony of the London Olympics in 2012. Good luck!

GW17 Outsider: Riyad Mahrez, Manchester City

Oh Pep, he’s such a scamp.

He’s like that kid you played football with on the street when you were a child. You know the type – he always had the flashiest, newest football that he insisted had to be used for the kickabout. Yet as soon as his team started to lose, he took his ball and flounced off home, wiping his tears and snot with the back of his sleeve telling anyone who wasn’t laughing at him that he heard his Mum calling him in for dinner.

So now that it seems apparent that the Premier League will lose its Pep next season, and that Guardiola seems resigned to the fact that his team aren’t good enough this season, I expect some different approaches. His future team sheets may well contain a player on the wing called ‘Ah feck it, Mahrez’.

Just 3.5% ownership, he could be a real wildcard for your squad especially when you consider that in just six starts this season he has four goals and 6 assists….

GW17 Draft: Gabriel Teodoro Martinelli Silva

One start. One goal. One bonus point.

When you have Aubameyang and Lacazette in your squad, it takes quite a maverick to decide to give a young kid a run.

However, this kid is decent. And have you seen Freddie Ljungberg recently? Rumour has it that Tom Cruise was his understudy for Top Gun 2, until Freddie decided to concentrate on coaching. THAT’S how maverick he is.

t

ED: Buy ball shaving stuff for Xmas

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Fantasy Football – Gameweek 17 Preview Written by @NiallHawthorne

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com.

GW #16 Review: YIMRA TV Box Sets

I know what you’re thinking, thank God Jack had the time this week to provide a thorough picture-full review for our enjoyment. I doubt you ever doubted me.

The powers that be at YIRMA HQ were over the moon with what I prepared for you three (I assume there’s still 3 confirmed readers of this?) this week…

The theme this week is TV Shows, and somehow I found 10 which I loosely tied into the results from the weekend and/or found reason to stick a players head onto a funny picture.

Hot off the press like a Greggs vegan sausage roll you’ve just sat on because you thought tucking it between your legs whilst driving would work – but now you’re left with pastry all over the place frantically crumbing in into the seats – here’s the GW 16 review…

Everton 3 – 1 Chelsea

Fresh from a victory against Villa, Lamp’s & Co rocked up to Everton pretty damn cocky. Duncan Ferguson in the hot seat for the Toffee’s saw Tammy Abraham swagger on to the pitch almost expecting to score. Not today sunshine – Duncan screamed effortlessly. Everton 2-0 up before Chelsea decided to wake up, but it was too little too late as the Toffee’s took the win. In other news, Chelsea financial director Ron Swanson was finally given the green light to make transfers in January and is already eyeing up a move for Chris Pratt & Aziz Ansari – although his first target is Amy Poehler as the new fitness coach.

Bournemouth 0 – 3 Liverpool

Liverpool are unstoppable. Sad, but true. Leicester’s party will only ever be second best to the Scouse rave, won’t it? I will bet anyone a £10 Burton voucher that Liverpool will win the league – that’s right, Burton (menswear). Spiralling back through the results so far, you have to assume that indeed it is ALWAYS sunny in Liverpool – it must be such a happy place (well, half of it) – like being in Denmark but with more robberies and folk you can’t understand. Liverpool performed a common assault on Bournemouth at the weekend, they didn’t see any of this coming. It was an intense 90 minutes that Eddie’s boys just weren’t ready for. “What’s going on, Eddie?” we heard the players cry. Only to be told “it’s alright lads, it’s over now, we can go and beat Chelsea next week”.

Tottenham 5 – 0 Burnley

Speaking of assaults. Jose’s inmates took the socks-of-soap to Burnley – 5 goals with no reply saw the Spurs faithful give Jose a rousing applause when he exited the field. We’re so fickle, us football fans, aren’t we? So, so fickle. Can you imagine any other elite manager on Earth going to a “rival” team and within a weak be 100% applauded? I’m not even talking a little, Spurs fans were loving life – guys you beat Burnley, at home, chill out, man. I would like for you to stare at the photo of Jose and the lads for some 300-400 seconds please. Tell me you wouldn’t watch that show immediately and I’ll hold a mirror firmly in front of your face and show you a dirty liar.

Watford 0 – 0 Crystal Palace

Please refer to the picture which epitomises the meaning “a picture paints a thousand hilarious words”. Palace had 0 shots on target after we all went mental over Zaha because some FPL genius’ decided he’s a good punt. Watford are bottom of the league and still 2.2% of us own Deulofeu (the most owned Watford player in FPL).  2.2% is now too many. Poop Show indeed, back to you Jack.

Man City 1 – 2 Man United

Thanks Jack…Got about a hundred thoughts going on, me. A million thoughts. I got a billion thoughts going on. If you tried to have a thought this morning and you couldn’t: that is because I was having all of them, over Man United somehow beating Man City in front of the world, for realz. I mean, where to dig into this party-sized cheesecake of a moment? Where do I tuck in first? This is the best thing Man United have done since, well, they did it to PSG. I am obsessed with watching this match on repeat. I still cheer every tackle by Wan-Bissaka, still nervous at every City attack (silently chuckling that the players aren’t aware that they will lose this match). It’s a delightful treat I never want to end. Alas, it will end, United will inevitably get beaten by Everton at the weekend. Was a good week though. Oh yeah, the picture…Speaks for itself really doesn’t it?

Villa 1 – 4 Leicester

Yeah alright that’s not a TV show but I couldn’t resist – I saw the poster and couldn’t help popping Rodgers and Vardy’s pouty faces on the bods. Rodgers must one day fulfil his prophecy and win the Premier League. He was born to do it, but the poor sod keeps getting pipped to the post. Once upon a time in Leicester this team swept the League, it’s happening again but only this time there’s something quite special up in Liverpool happening which is the footballing equivalent of party pooping. Sure, Leicester look fantastic. Sure, Leicester look very, very good. And sure, Vardy’s wife is still a little sneaky sausage we will not forgive (yet).

Newcastle 2 – 1 Southampton

Jonjo Shelvey was born to be an extra in British gangster films, but accidently became a high paid footballer instead. Jonjo wasn’t meant to score goals, yet here we are. Jonjo was supposed to be one of those guys in the back of a scene who don’t have any speaking lines, you just “assume” he’s got a foreign accent. Jonjo was built to appear side-by-side with Danny Dyer for a scene where he inexplicably gets punched in the face by a runaway chav in a moment of comic relief. Jonjo was set to earn a decent salary from being that guy who would eventually get a bit-part in Hollyoaks but only last until the Christmas storyline where he gets sent to jail for “life” as he may or may not have been caught giving drugs to the landlord’s daughters underage mate called Sheryl (spelt purposely with an S). Jonjo, is doing bits for Newcastle…And the Hasenhuttl circus rolls on, next stop West Ham.

Norwich 1 – 2 Sheffield United

When I was a kid, I loved wrestling if you didn’t know that already. I would pick my mate up routinely and throw him against the furniture until the sofa broke, someone bled, or my Dad caught and bollocked us – me for tombstoning him onto the carpet, him for being tombstoned (which was fair). What I am trying to say here is, even though Norwich are naff, AND the players are naff – absolutely nobody is getting a whack around the back of the legs for this. Clearly, it’s someone’s fault, right? Has Delia Smith been side-tracked by Christmas Cook Book release deadlines or something? Is Alan Partridge touring the city centre in a massive Pope-mobile? No excuses, someone deserves a sacking! On the flip side, Sheffield have once again found their winning ways after a Newcastle blip and are well in the mix for Europa spots still.

Brighton 2 – 2 Wolves

It’s not necessarily their fault, but the season-so-far journey that Wolves have embarked on is a football version of Frodo legging it out of his mushroom to chase a very posh British dragon screaming “I’m off on an adventure lads!”. Nuno (Gandalf) has convinced us all that this adventure could well be a success – based off last seasons performance they’re aiming to be a top table European-place challenging team for the long term. Last season they relied heavily on Jimenez. This season, he’s got little Bilbo-Jota helping him out and banging in some screamers of his own. Brighton played well, the draw was deserved, but going forward Wolves still look a strong squad but with one eye on Europa in the new year will they get distracted/fatigued/eaten by a massive dragon?

West Ham 1 – 3 Arsenal

Arsenal are a right show this year. We blast them, we praise them, we love them, we hate them all within 90 minutes. We dish out the reviews, Arsenal serve it back to us with a panto precision even Christopher Biggins would be impressed with. This week, they started the show poorly, leading us to believe it’s all gone Shane Ritchie in EastEnders (really rubbish to watch). But no, a quick flip-reverse and they go ahead to score 3 and take an easy 3 points away from the London 2012 Olympics Stadium (I refuse to acknowledge any other name for it). We’re fans, at the end of the day, fans just wanting to be entertained. We don’t care if Arsenal have 10 ex-players come and “have a go” at manager this season, we’re not expecting much, who really cares anyway until they hire Sol Campbell?

Lastly a random shout out but one worthy of a mention in my opinion.

@_Bands_FC have this week been collaborating with @OneMinuteBriefs to create some amazing, inspiring and powerful poster art to raise awareness for equality and to stop racism in our wonderful game of football using the concept of Music x Football. A great cause, with some great results – if you haven’t already, go and check them out by searching for #LoveMusicLoveFootballHateRacism

(here’s a couple of my submissions….)

FOLLOW JACK ON TWITTER @JACKAGOODWIN

Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!

He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.

Fantasy Football – Gameweek 11 Preview –

Written by @NiallHawthorne

 

Many of you now have big decisions to make. Those you have previously chosen have left you down, and not delivered what you wanted. But as ever there’s a chance to change your mind and get it right this time. Who’s going to deliver what you need? Who’s going to make your life better? Who’s going to (finally) deliver on all that promise?

Yep, just as each FPL decision is important, the upcoming General Election in Britain is a once in a lifetime event in terms of importance and significance, and you have a chance to choose your future.

But let’s be honest, your choices for GW11 are significant too, so let’s go!

 

Defender: Marcos Alonso, Chelsea

 

Considering the fact that Alonso missed the first 4 GW’s of the season, his points haul of 36 points in 6 weeks is bloody impressive and too good to ignore.

This week Chelsea are away to Watford who are the lowest scorers in the league this season with a sensationally crap five goals in ten matches. Chelsea and Alonso have three clean sheets in his six appearances, and are aiming for a hat-trick of consecutive clean sheets. Throw in his attacking ambition and this really seems to be a no-brainer this week.

 

Midfielder: Youri Tielemans, Leicester City

 

Last season’s post-January break out star started a bit slowly this season, but just like his team, is now flying high. He has twenty points from his last two outings which have yielded two goals, an assist and two bonus points.

The humiliation that the Foxes inflicted on the Saints should ensure none of them get past the Pearly Gates when the time comes, but that’s a while away, so I suspect that they’ll continue to plunder points and make life hell for opponents. This weekend they visit Crystal Palace, and I’m tipping Tielemans to continue his scorching form.

 

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Forward: Marcus Rashford, Manchester United 

 

Trying to analyse this Manchester United team is like trying to analyse Brexit. Nobody really knows what’s going on, what’s going to happen, and any predictions will make you look like a bloody fool.

Hi everybody! I’m a bloody fool!

The return of Anthony Martial will free up Marcus Rashford to return to his far more effective wide forward role (probably), and United really battered Norwich City last weekend. The two missed penalties spared the Canaries’ blushes, but it did show that United may be finding form going forward.

A trip to Dean’s Court this weekend offers further attacking opportunity. While Bournemouth are off the back of a couple of clean sheets, they’ve been against Norwich and Watford. Boasting about that would be akin to me boasting about my ability to put on my pants every morning. People are grateful, but it’s really nothing more than society expects. The Cherries won’t be keeping a clean sheet this weekend, you can take the word of a bloody fool on that.

Captain: Any Manchester City Attacking Player You Trust Pep To Pick, Manchester City

 

What’s the one thing you don’t want to have to face after you concede 9 (NINE) goals at home in a league game? That’s right, a trip to the highest scorers in the league. Unfortunately for Southampton, it’s even worse, and they face TWO trips to the highest scorers in the league. Football, eh?

This is the biggest no-brainer of the season allied with the trickiest selection dilemma since Love Island finished.

You know City are going to batter Southampton. But who will do the damage? Will Aguero start? If you know he will, it’s Triple Captain territory. But he started midweek (scoring twice) and hasn’t started in the league since 1976 or so it seems. Raheem will fill his boots, yeah? But Pep knows his side will stroll it, so will he rest him? Kevin De Bruyne then! Probably….But if at the end of the match this weekend, it wouldn’t at all surprise me to see Mahrez with 25 points, and all of the above with 1 point each after 90 second cameos off the bench.

But you should captain one of them!

Good luck….

 

Outsider: Kieran Tierney, Arsenal

 

He’s now started playing league games, and only 1.0% own him. Time to get him in, purely for the attacking potential. Also, Arsenal may stumble upon a clean sheet or two in the next few weeks as they face Southampton, Norwich and Brighton.

Worth a punt?

 

Draft: Dejan Lovren, Liverpool

 

A humongous 0.2% of FPL players own him in the classic game, and he seems to be getting the nod over Gomez in the league. If he’s available, get him in. Klopp knows best. So join Mrs. Lovren and Mo Salah and get him in your squad.

 

Fantasy Football – Gameweek 11 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com.

FPL Gameweek 5 Review – Written by Jack A. Goodwin

 

Ladies and Gentlemen it’s the day you’ve all been waiting for!! My completely irrelevant and unnecessary roundup of last weekend’s FPL action – more importantly, for one week only – Welcome to FantasyYIRMANIA!

We’re here at the sold-out Bang Average Arena with a total crowd attendance of 387,528 fans (actual total attendance of this past weekend’s games).

Today we’ll have teams facing off in some of our most beloved matches as Premier League football goes WWE… and I try to amuse myself with photoshop whilst passing words off as a gameweek review article.

(ED: I mean, it’s my own fault. I knew this was going to be obscure when I agreed to it…)

————-

Empty Arena Match: Bournemouth v Everton.

We kick off the show before anyone has time to arrive – Bournemouth with by far the lowest attendance of the weekend with just 10K fans in attendance, Watford’s 21K over double that with the 2nd lowest. Those who did make it saw a lovely performance by the home side, Callum Wilson finally doing his job and scoring goals! In other news, Frazer Ramon made his return from injury.

Hardcore Match: Spurs v Palace.

We then bring out the weapons! Spurs & Palace treated us to the most yellow cards in a game this weekend with 7 spread across both teams. There were superkicks, big boots and at one-point Jordan Ayew climbed up the goal post and elbow dropped Erik Lamela. Rumours afterwards suggest that referee Craig Pawson had to confiscate brass knuckles found in the gooch region of Harry Winks shorts but has yet to return them – what are you up to with those there ‘knucks Craig?

First Blood Match: Man United v Leicester.

In what was a very close affair, Mr Perfect himself Harry Maguire faced his former teammates in a match decided by whoever draws first blood (scores first…). It was the Reds who took the win with a hard-fought match where Rashford finally tucked away a penalty and the Old Trafford crowd finally saw a victory at home. Jamie VarDiBiase was apparently furious about the result, immediately banging out Brendan Rodgers after the game.

Handicap Match: Norwich v Man City.

This wasn’t fair as soon as Kevin Friend started the match. Sure, Man City have the brain of Pep mixed with arguably the most in-form team in the world right now – but do they have Teemu Pukki? The odds were stacked against City from the get-go as the Norwich GOAT made his presence known with assists, goals and smiles for everyone. #Pukki4Life.

Last Man Standing Match: Billy Sharp v Danny Ings

Dear God Sheffield United v Southampton is a boring match, right? Right. So boring in fact that an announcement was made prior to kick off at Bramall Lane that the first team to get a person sent off loses. Cue, Billy Sharp. Getting bored himself, he decides to end it locking in the Sharpshooter on Stuart Armstrong– straight red and didn’t give a toss really.

Retirement Match: Unai Emery v Quique Sanchez Flores

Two very separate retirement plans on show – as Quique showed us all why early retirement isn’t always the best option, bringing back his fight for the draw in his Watford’s comeback against Arsenal. Unai on the other hand, demonstrating why early retirement is a valid way out. Arsenal are looking rather naff at the moment, Aubameyang aside, and are in need of improvements quickly with Man United on the horizon in two weeks’ time.

Should have stayed at PSG Unai, you had Neymar…Now you have David Luiz.

Submission Match: Brighton v Burnley

To use John Cena’s famous tagline, Burnley never gave up (John Cena is clearly a massive Burnley fan) When the clock was near its last seconds, Brighton had locked in the 3-points and were packing up, heading up the ramp. Burnley were ready to tap out until Jeff HendRick Rude reversed the hold to steal a point in the dying moments.

 

Weapons Match: Liverpool v Everyone

When you have Firmino, Mane & Salah in your arsenal then you’re bound to be quite the force. So far this season, nobody has been able to step up to the Liverpool trio. Sure, Newcastle managed to grab a cheap goal, it doesn’t matter to Liverpool, they’ll just score more than you…I’d potentially be able to land a lucky punch on Tyson Fury, he’s only going to hit me much harder until I crumble like a tiny child.

 

Goals Count Anywhere Match: Wolves v Chelsea

A feast for those who enjoy Match of the Day. Chelsea were rampant, goals outta nowhere, 3 goals in each half (one was a token own goal for Wolves as Tammy got carried away). With Liverpool incoming, Chelsea had a bit of fun here before they get battered on Sunday by Klopp ‘n Co.

 

Dumpster Match: Villa v West Ham

When we’re told that there’s Monday Night Football we rejoice, work doesn’t seem so bad and drinking in the week is perfectly acceptable. THIS match however, was appalling. A 0-0 finish which deserved nothing more than the 3pm slot on a Saturday to protect our valuable time. Referee Mike Dean tried his hardest to liven up the crowd with a cheeky red card midway through the second half, but it was to no avail. P.s. If you understand the meaning behind me choosing that photo, I like you.

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The show closes with a massive pyro show, no expenses spared here at FantasyYIRMA.

Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!

He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.

11 Unknown Stories About the Current Fantasy FPL Dream Team

Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

 

We’re just four weeks into the football season and we already have our breakout stars, our differentials turned goal machines and our overpriced flops. Here we delve in to the current top-11 players of the season so far, and look behind the footballing curtain to see what these guys are really about…

We’ve used the current Dream Team from the official FPL site to compile this list.

Also – as you’ll probably note – we are quite excited by the upcoming launch of FIFA20 and have doctored FIFA19 cards throughout this article in the vein hope that those lovely EA folk will send us a free copy…. SHAMELESS…

 

 

  1. Rui Pedro dos Santos Patrício

Apparently, Rui is just 31 years young – which I for one call BS. Well Rui is quite the hero back home in Leiria, Portugal. From his days as a Sporting Lisbon GK he actually became so loved that one fan apparently funded the commission of a statue of Rui which now resides there, capturing his (again, apparently) “iconic” save from a Griezmann shot back in the Euro 2016 Final. But what I really want to reveal about the 2016 Balon d’Or nominee is that his wife is a sex therapist, if you remember from the Euro’s back in 2016 she famously recommended that Rui & his Portuguese teammates masterbate prior to matches. (Link)

Ed: There’s 10 more of these??

  1. Patrick John Miguel van Aanholt

The cousin of Leroy Fer, Patrick was born in Holland to parent from Curaçao (a tiny island in the Caribbean which for some mad reason is actually a part of the “Kingdom of the Nederland’s”). He shares a birthday with Michael Jackson and famous astronaut Chris Hadfield (August 29th), I am almost certain Patrick is planning a moonwalk for an upcoming goal celebration in homage to his birthday brothers from other mothers. Fun fact, Patrick’s current contract banks him £3.5 million per year, which, to make you feel poor, means that each DAY Patrick earns roughly £15,000.

  1. Lucas Digne

Digne unknown to many is in fact quite the hero – during the appalling terrorist attacks in Barcelona back in 2017, Lucas was in his apartment nearby to La Rambla where the events unfolded and immediately ran down to help out the injured. To this day he never comments on what happened in respect of those lost – which, only makes the lad humbler and more likeable. He may have some Evertonian’s raging however once they notice that he has the words “I Never Walk Alone” tattooed across his waxed chest.

  1. Jannik Vestergaard

Fun fact – I was once a season ticket holder for Borussia Monchengladbach where Jannik was quite the star during his 2-year spell. Back in 2018 the rumour mills were rampant that he was destined for London, with Spurs and Arsenal looking to sign the chap (Link), but Jannik actually went down to Southampton and is still to find his true form. He has a fear of spiders and was told by his first coach at Brondby that he was “too lanky for football” – those two things had no right to be in the same sentence together but here we are. In the 2017 Bundesliga season he was the only player in the entire league to play every single minute of a teams season so he clearly has some stamina. He’s a New England Patriots fan (hence his dog being called Brady – Jannik shares the same birthday as Tom Brady too) which unfortunately makes me dislike him now.

 

  1. Raheem Shaquille Sterling

Jamaican born Raheem was given the middle name Shaquille because his parents were huge Shaquille O’Neal fans, also during the ten seconds reading this sentence Raheem has earned £2.50. This is based on his near £8million contract which is not bad is it? Last year during the build up to the 2018 World Cup, the English press decided to mess up the morale in the England camp by highlighting a gun tattoo on Raheem’s leg, which, turns out has a much deeper meaning about his father. Hard to admit, but all my reading up on Mr Sterling made me realise he’s not a bad guy really – still has a silly run though.

 

  1. Kevin De Bruyne

KDB does not like Thibaut Courtois. Fact. Prior to marrying the now mother of his two children, KDB’s ex-girlfriend admitted to cheating on him with none other than his fellow Belgian. Needless to say, KDB is pretty chuffed that Courtois moved over to Spain last year. Although born in Belgium, Kevin was eligible to play for Burundi due to his mother being Burundian – he opted to play for the Red Devils which was a fair choice if I’m honest. I think we can all agree, his biggest achievement in life was back in August 2014 where KDB was appointed as the Ambassador of Weltvogelpark Bird Sanctuary in Germany.

  1. Mohamed Salah Hamed Mahrous Ghaly

Mo is a very religious man, a devoted Muslim who thanks the almighty every time he scores a goal. Interestingly, Mo named his daughter Mecca Mohammed after the Holy site in Saudi Arabia – however he later changed her named to Makkah to distinguish it from Mecca Bingo! Mo as many know is a lovely man, some of his most noteworthy actions are the millions he donates to his home country to fund education, healthcare and to help end poverty – he also famously dropped charges to a thief who robbed his entire family and then actually gave money to the thief to help him become a better person. We should all be like Mo.

 

  1. Sadio Mane

Sadio is the epitome of “follow your dreams”, growing up in Sedhiou in Senegal with his Uncle due to his parents having too many children to be able to look after. Not only that, his family forbid him to play football as it was seen as too expensive. After showing promise with his feet, his local village all came together, family and friends sold their crops to raise money to allow Sadio to train. A phenomenal story from who is now one of my favourite players.

 

  1. Sergio Leonel Agüero del Castillo

In 2003 I was embarking on a journey to obtain good GCSE results and maybe not end up working in the Boots photo lab (which I did). In 2003, Sergio was taking to the pitch as the youngest professional footballer to debut for Independente in Argentina. He was actually signed by the team when he was just 9 years old back in 1997, at a time I was trying to pack a Charizard and become king of the playground. Somewhere along the way, we both made different decisions in life didn’t we? Anyway, Sergio has been on the pitch as a pro footballer for over half of his life, he married Maradonna’s youngest daughter but has since separated and the childs godfather is none other than Lionel Messi. His nickname “Kun” actually comes from a Japanese anime character from his childhood and the most impressive accolade is of course his FANTASTIC voice https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=19&v=hzwWtlSbzng.

  1. Teemu Eino Antero Pukki

If it’s not written in the stats, it sure is in the name. Pukki translates as “GOAT” in his native Finland, for most Norwich fans this now proves true – step aside Cristiano! 13 years ago he actually had a trial with Chelsea FC, but didn’t make the cut – the same scout then brought him to the UK when he signed for Celtic in 2013 as played alongside Virgil Van Dijk. Oh, and Norwich didn’t pay a penny for him. £0 for a Goat? Bargain.

 

  1. Kevin Oghenetega Tamaraebi Bakumo-Abraham

London born Tammy has been a Chelsea project since he was 8 years old, progressing through the ranks until they decided to loan him out to Bristol, Villa then Swansea. Internationally his Dad (Nigerian) is very close mates with the Nigerian Football Federation President who spent years trying to convince Tammy to “become” Nigerian to play for their national team, he even started the papers to do so – but eventually declined and now plays, kind of (2 appearances) for England. He was on the cusp of joining Newcastle on loan last summer before he was advised not to due to being “young and rich in a city known for a great nightlife”.

Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!

He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.

GW4 Review: Jamie Vardy Crashed the Pukki Party

Written by @JackAGoodwin

This GW4 review is brought to you, in part, by the real Slim Goodwin.

Hi kids, do you like FPL advice?

Wanna see Pukki blank the game and Richarlison score twice?

Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did?

Regret every decision you made this week because you wildcarded…

After news spread this week of a party in the Norwich area getting overcrowded, Jamie Vardy took it upon himself to throw a bigger, better, more familiar party of his own.

Nearly 1 million new people bought a ticket to the Pukki Party which ultimately turned sour when the bubble machines went mental and ruined it. The Pukki train immediately left for the City of Manchester, but many won’t be jumping aboard with fears that the DJ will constantly be playing Blue Moon.

Vardy, to rub salt in the wounds, has also taken his WKD fueled party towards Manchester, his however will arrive at a dysfunctional Old Trafford where the party will likely continue into the night.

Meet John Lundstram, 25 years old.

Fed up with life and the way his FPL career is going, he decides to score against Palace.

But on his way in to 750K more teams since then, he had a sudden change of heart.

And suddenly, the real John Lundstram came into play. (1 point in 2 GWs).

Guess who’s back? Back again…Aguero’s back…tell a friend! We’ve created a problem, ‘cause nobody wanted to see premium strikers anymore – we wanted bargains mixed with expensive defenders & mids, didn’t we? Now we have the conundrum of how to bring in the likes of Aguero, Kane, Firmino & Aubameyang – and the likelihood is that we pulled the trigger too soon on our Wildcards that it’s now near impossible to bring them in without taking a hit. It’s over – nobody listens to techno!

Salah is supposed to be the player who never loses his composure, assists with goals and holding the whole weight of our teams on his shoulders. Going toe-to-toe with Sterling for the armband once again – but unfortunately both players go and blow it!

In GW4 match by match, player by player, whoever we captained our team all fell down. GW1 star player, Sterling. GW2 star player, Pukki. GW3 star player, Salah. Surely one of these three will give us our points return. All three players, combined, scored a total of 11 points – which is 5 points behind GW4’s star player Jamie Vardy.

Sick of terribly forced Eminem song references? Yeah, me too. (ED: Me too)

Elsewhere in FPL we saw clean sheets for Palace, City, West Ham and Liverpool – business as usual then, with those keeping the faith in both ‘Pool and City backlines rewarded (unless, like me, you foolishly picked Laporte in your teams – not aware that he had knees as weak as United’s transfer strategy). Scoring defenders included Vestergaard and his massive head, Geordie Schar and a lovely Zouma own goal (told you he was a bit naff…https://fantasyyirma.com/2019/08/15/5-totally-useless-fantasy-players-from-game-week-1/).

40% of GW4 matches ended in a draw, 50% ended with a home victory with just the one away win for Liverpool. What do these statistics tell us? Absolutely nothing – but you can bet your ass you’ll spend the next two-weeks reading about every little detail from the FPL Twittexpert community and how the statistics suggest that you are a terrible FPL player. As each gameweek passes by, the FPL world has a breakdown, self-implodes on its own advice and steers itself in to wonderful new directions. After GW3 we almost unanimously got bantered into Wildcarding.

We were told that the Pukki Party was going to be a season long banger and expertly informed that Sterling and/or Salah were guaranteed points. The positive takeaway however was that we were convinced that the FPL world is so much more fun when we have it in drawn for us! (shout out to @fpldoodles1 – a pleasant addition to a community needing something different).

Quite astonishingly, even after the poor run of form for Man United as of late, Chelsea and Tottenham sit below them. We’re only four weeks into the season and the only real “in form” teams we can see are the usual suspects of Liverpool & City. Will the International Break give the chasing pack their mojo back? Will we see any last-minute moves away from the Premier League from the likes of Pogba & Eriksen as the Transfer Window slams shut tomorrow (2nd September)?

Finally, will FantasyYIRMA be able to drag-out the Bang Average Podcasts for two whole weeks in the absence of Premier League football! Time. Will. Tell.

…and so the soap opera

Is told, it unfolds, I suppose it’s old, partner

But FPL goes on: da da dum da dum da da da da….!

Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!

He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.

Fantasy Football – Gameweek 3 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

If you’re like me, things are now suddenly starting to become clear. You’ve made an absolute Horlicks of your team, and not one of the 3,486 draft teams you came up with would have been any good.

Never fear, for I am here! Fresh off tipping pucker Pukki points, and John Egan putting a Cork in the Palace attack, let me guide you towards your Wildcard dear friend…

Defender: Luke Shaw, Manchester United

We don’t have to wait for another couple of weeks to spot one of the first trends of the new season – Crystal Palace are absolute muck. They’re Benteke levels of terrible, which is quite apt, considering. Their only decent player seems to have taken a leaf out of the ‘Chelsea Squad 17/18’ book and they’re as sharp in attack as Donald Trump is intellectually.

Manchester United have signed the world’s biggest forehead for the world’s biggest defender fee, and he certainly seems to have given them some solidity at the start of the new campaign. While last season’s FPL hero Aaron Wan-Bissaka is settling in at right-back, his left-back comrade has been making some impressive forays up his wing, and was showing real sings of attacking promise at Molineux on Monday night.

So a clean sheet is likely, and an assist or goal wouldn’t be out of the question for Luke Shaw this weekend. At least it shouldn’t be as long as Jose has stopped his Vulcan mind-control tactics on poor Luke.

Midfielder: Kevin De Bruyne, Manchester City

He’s back baby!

KDB was a joy to behold against Spurs last weekend, as he toyed and teased with the European Cup Finalists all evening, notching up two assists.

This week he travels to the South Coast on a pleasant August afternoon to face a Bournemouth side who have conceded to both Sheffield United and Aston Villa already this season. Hmmmm. I don’t think I’m going out on too much of a limb here to say that Aguero/Jesus/Sterling and co may well be firing in quite a few shots this Sunday, and KDB is going to be loading the bullets.

Forward: Roberto Firmino, Liverpool

Here’s a great stat I came across on Twitter this week:

Since joining Liverpool, Sadio Mane has scored in every home game he’s played against Arsenal.

Since joining Liverpool, Mo Salah has scored in every home game he’s played against Arsenal.

Since joining Liverpool, Bobby Firmino has scored in every home game he’s played against Arsenal.

Firmino has opened the scoring in each game. Firmino got a hat-trick last season.

Captain: Harry Kane, Spurs

The second trend of the new season is as obvious as the first. Newcastle United are also absolute muck. Who knew that letting the guile and tactical wisdom of a man who contrived to win a Champions League with Djimi Traore at left-back, and replacing him with a man with the guile and tactical wisdom of Boris Johnson would result in that team looking hopeless immediately?

Spurs are going to batter the bejaysus out of Newcastle this weekend. Pummel them. Hump them. Destroy them.

If you want to go early on your Triple Captain chip, I won’t talk you out of it. There won’t be many more suitable weeks when one of the league’s best strikers faces a home game against one of the league’s worst teams. There’s no rotation risk, no Champions League games coming up, all week to prepare for it….it’s Goldilocks time to be honest. It’s just right.

Outsider: Manuel Lanzini, West Ham United

A cracking assist to get his campaign underway at Brighton last weekend, and now a trip to face a Watford side that have been displaying relegation form since Christmas of last year. West Ham have a host of attackers to choose from at the moment, and Lanzini will be linking and jinking with them all. Any old Iron? Nah, this is a very specific Iron you want on your team.

Draft: Çağlar Söyüncü, Leicester City

I’ll be honest with you. This Lord Farquhar lookalike has a whole load of lines and dots over/under most of the letters in his name, but I lack the technical ability to work out how to type it properly, so if you’re reading this Caglar mate, I apologise. (Ed. I got your back Niall)

But I am tipping you as a great option in Draft, considering you’re filling in the Harry Maguire slab-shaped hole in the Leicester defence.

Fantasy Football – Gameweek 3 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com.

Wolves: R.Patricio, Bennett, Coady, Boly, Doherty, Otto, Neves, Moutinho, Dendoncker, Jiminez, Jota

Subs: Ruddy, Neto, Cutrone, Gibbs-White, Saiss, Vinagre, Adama

Manchester United: De Gea, Wan-Bissaka, Lindelof, Maguire, Shaw, McTominay, Pogba, James, Rashford, Martial

Subs: Romero, Young, Andreas, Mata, Matic, Greenwood, Tuanzebe

 

 

 

Fantasy Football – FPL Gameweek 2 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

The dictionary definition of a ‘Series’ is a number of events of a similar or related kind coming one after another.

Coronation Street has had murders, Ken Barlow affairs and hotpots for decades.

EastEnders has had menacing gangsters, unplanned pregnancies and Ian Beale crying for years.

Emmerdale has had sheep, plane crashes and Marilyn from Home & Away inexplicably roaming around the dales for yonks.

The point is that you know what you’re going to get from a ‘Series’, because you can see the pattern.

Now if you happened to watch the first episode of a new series last weekend called ‘FPL Season 2019/20’ and you think you know what’s coming next, you’re an idiot.

So, put down that Wildcard chip, stop f*cking panicking, and at least wait for GW2 to happen before drawing any conclusions. Remember Steve Mounie? He didn’t turn out to be the next Alan Shearer, did he? Yet he scored two goals in GW1 in August 2017 and promptly stank the place out for the next nine months.

In short, nobody knows what’s coming next. So, with that, here’s my predictions for GW2!

Defender: John Egan, Sheffield United  

The Blades had the best defensive record in the Championship last season, which Egan was at the heart of, and they looked very much at home in the cut and thrust of the Premier League when they visited Dean’s Court last weekend.

This weekend the Premier League returns to Bramall Lane, the scene of the very first Premier League goal in history, scored by Brian Deane past a hopeless Danish keeper called Schmeichel. Clearly that was a sign of things to come in the future, eh?

Crystal Palace are the visitors this time featuring Christian ‘I used to score goals’ Benteke, Wilfried ‘I’m a good player get me out of here’ Zaha, and ‘Mad’ Max Meyer. While their away from was their saviour last season, something tells me that The Hodge has a tougher job on his hands this season, and a bouncing Bramall Lane will be a tough place to perform.

 

 

Midfielder: John McGinn, Aston Villa

This season’s version of Ryan Fraser.

You can thank me next May.

 

 

Forward: Teemu Pukki, Norwich City

Norwich look like they’re going to have a real go this season. They attacked Liverpool with gusto on Friday night, deservedly grabbing a consolation goal which was finished with aplomb by their Finnish finisher Pukki.

This weekend the Geordie Circus rolls into town with Steve Bruce in a top hat and Mike Ashley as usual playing the clown. Carrow Road will be hopping, Delia will have been on the sherry since lunchtime, and by 5pm you’ll be crowing about how this Canary helped you nail GW2.

Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool

Aubameyang faces Burnley at 12:30 on Saturday. I never Captain a player at that time slot, and neither should you.

Sterling/Aguero and friends have a tricky enough looking home game against Spurs. While they may well run riot once more, Spurs are no mugs and may stifle the home side for a while at least.

That leaves Salah at Southampton. He notched there last season when he ran for 50 yards before slotting from outside the box. The Saints were battered by Burnley last weekend and showed defensive vulnerability, and whatever shortcomings you may see in Liverpool so far this season, they look to be as razor sharp offensively as ever.

So, it’s Mo once more.

Outsider: Adrian, Liverpool  

£4.5m to get a guaranteed starter in the best defence last season?

This climate change lark is getting out of hand. It’s Christmas in August FFS!

 

Draft: Moise Kean, Everton 

Everton have signed a young Irish lad from Juventus who should be leading the line very soon and banging in goals for fun.

At least, I’m assuming he’s Irish with a name like Mossie Keane. Wait, what? Moise Kean? Not qualified for Ireland?

Meh, it didn’t stop Tony Cascarino.

 

 

 

 

Fantasy Football – Gameweek 2 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com.

Fantasy Football – FPL Gameweek 2 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

The dictionary definition of a ‘Series’ is a number of events of a similar or related kind coming one after another.

Coronation Street has had murders, Ken Barlow affairs and hotpots for decades.

EastEnders has had menacing gangsters, unplanned pregnancies and Ian Beale crying for years.

Emmerdale has had sheep, plane crashes and Marilyn from Home & Away inexplicably roaming around the dales for yonks.

The point is that you know what you’re going to get from a ‘Series’, because you can see the pattern.

Now if you happened to watch the first episode of a new series last weekend called ‘FPL Season 2019/20’ and you think you know what’s coming next, you’re an idiot.

So, put down that Wildcard chip, stop f*cking panicking, and at least wait for GW2 to happen before drawing any conclusions. Remember Steve Mounie? He didn’t turn out to be the next Alan Shearer, did he? Yet he scored two goals in GW1 in August 2017 and promptly stank the place out for the next nine months.

In short, nobody knows what’s coming next. So, with that, here’s my predictions for GW2!

Defender: John Egan, Sheffield United  

The Blades had the best defensive record in the Championship last season, which Egan was at the heart of, and they looked very much at home in the cut and thrust of the Premier League when they visited Dean’s Court last weekend.

This weekend the Premier League returns to Bramall Lane, the scene of the very first Premier League goal in history, scored by Brian Deane past a hopeless Danish keeper called Schmeichel. Clearly that was a sign of things to come in the future, eh?

Crystal Palace are the visitors this time featuring Christian ‘I used to score goals’ Benteke, Wilfried ‘I’m a good player get me out of here’ Zaha, and ‘Mad’ Max Meyer. While their away from was their saviour last season, something tells me that The Hodge has a tougher job on his hands this season, and a bouncing Bramall Lane will be a tough place to perform.

 

 

Midfielder: John McGinn, Aston Villa

This season’s version of Ryan Fraser.

You can thank me next May.

 

 

Forward: Teemu Pukki, Norwich City

Norwich look like they’re going to have a real go this season. They attacked Liverpool with gusto on Friday night, deservedly grabbing a consolation goal which was finished with aplomb by their Finnish finisher Pukki.

This weekend the Geordie Circus rolls into town with Steve Bruce in a top hat and Mike Ashley as usual playing the clown. Carrow Road will be hopping, Delia will have been on the sherry since lunchtime, and by 5pm you’ll be crowing about how this Canary helped you nail GW2.

Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool

Aubameyang faces Burnley at 12:30 on Saturday. I never Captain a player at that time slot, and neither should you.

Sterling/Aguero and friends have a tricky enough looking home game against Spurs. While they may well run riot once more, Spurs are no mugs and may stifle the home side for a while at least.

That leaves Salah at Southampton. He notched there last season when he ran for 50 yards before slotting from outside the box. The Saints were battered by Burnley last weekend and showed defensive vulnerability, and whatever shortcomings you may see in Liverpool so far this season, they look to be as razor sharp offensively as ever.

So, it’s Mo once more.

Outsider: Adrian, Liverpool  

£4.5m to get a guaranteed starter in the best defence last season?

This climate change lark is getting out of hand. It’s Christmas in August FFS!

 

Draft: Moise Kean, Everton 

Everton have signed a young Irish lad from Juventus who should be leading the line very soon and banging in goals for fun.

At least, I’m assuming he’s Irish with a name like Mossie Keane. Wait, what? Moise Kean? Not qualified for Ireland?

Meh, it didn’t stop Tony Cascarino.

 

 

 

 

Fantasy Football – Gameweek 2 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com.

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