Blog Archives

Fantasy Football Gameweek 19: Make Mine A DOUBLE

We approach blank GW18 during blank January at the start of what looks like being blank 2021. At time of writing, some games are still scheduled but could be scrapped just hours before kick-off.

The President of the United States is trying to overthrow his own government, constitution and society, while almost every country on earth is bemoaning the slow rollout of vaccinations that will restore normality to the planet.

It seems to me that we could all use a Free Hit chip this week for our lives, not FPL.

Onto GW18!

Written by @NiallHawthorne

Defender: Kieran Tierney, Arsenal

Gary Neville may proclaim that nobody grew up wanting to be Gary Neville, but how else do you explain the absolute plethora of class full-backs in British football these days?

England have more quality right-backs than they have Pfizer vaccines. Scotland have two genuinely amazing left-backs at the same time. Poor Kieran Tierney must be cursing his luck to have emerged at the same time as his national team captain and arguably the world’s greatest left-back Andy Robertson.

Whether this happened because of, or despite, Gary Neville, the good thing for FPL players is that they all play for different Premier League teams. Tierney has two clean sheets in a row and faces home fixtures against a Crystal Palace side who have drawn four blanks on the road this season, and Newcastle United who are starting to play Andy Carroll up front.

Oh, and he’s decent going forward too.

Midfielder: Heung-Min Son, Tottenham Hotspur

(DISCLAIMER – This match no longer exists but Spurs now play Fulham so we’re sticking with it)

This is the game that is seemingly under the most threat of a postponement but seeing as the Premier League are making up the rules as they go along, and Jose Mourinho is far scarier than Dean Smith, there’s every chance that Spurs will face a second game in a week against an opponent they can steamroller in their sleep.

The Villa kids gave a fine account of themselves against Liverpool on Friday night, but ran out of steam after half time, and I reckon their little legs will still be gone if forced into action midweek. Heung-Min Son could do terrible, terrible damage to them.

So, you should probably own him, just in case.

Forward: Edison Cavani, Manchester United

I was going to tip Dominic Calvert-Lewin this week as he faces a Wolves side who haven’t kept a clean sheet for ten consecutive league games, amazingly. He’s also trying to come out of his biggest slump this season, stretching back an almost staggering two games without a goal or assist. The fraud.

However, the Burnley v Manchester United match intrigues me. I know many Free Hitters will be looking to triple-up on United assets, but here’s your word of warning – Since Ben Mee returned to the team following injury, Burnley have conceded a grand total of three goals in nine games when Mee and Pope have been together in defence. They’ve faced teams such as Everton, Villa, Wolves and Leeds in that time, teams who have an ability to put the ball in the back of the net with reasonable regularity.

So, I see this game being a bit more of a struggle than some might think. However, it’s United, so Cavani will come off the bench and win it in the 87th minute. Nailed. On.

Captain: Kevin De Bruyne, Manchester City

KDB racked up his fourth double-digit haul against Chelsea last time out, then spent the weekend tormenting Birmingham City like a tabby cat playing with a shrew.

Brighton tend to concede more than one goal against ‘Top 6’ opposition this season (with one notable exception against Liverpool), and they went the full 120 minutes plus spotters against Newport County at the weekend. Hardly the ideal preparation for the run-around they’re going to get at The Etihad.

As a result, it may take until the 60th minute, but I fully expect KDB to haul big against Graham Potters men.

Outsider: Dwight Gayle, Newcastle United

Who fancies one of my patented 0% owned FPL returns? It’s time for another I think, to make it four in less than half a season.

Dwight Gayle away to Sheffield United will score or assist. You heard it here first.

Your move….

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof

Off the back of the release of FPL’s least requested annual jingle

(Which actually the YIRMA boys smashed it with a banger single!)

I thought, scrap the crap graphics lads, raps are simple right?

So here’s GW16’s review titled, “Jack’s Kryptonite”

Written by @JackAGoodwin

I’ve been a bit crap in FPL, but today I’ll preach a sermon

Ain’t much difference between my approach besides this time I keep returning

Maybe it’s because I pick United players, yeah yeah, I see people smirking

The last few years it’s defeated me but this season it’s working!

Crystal Palace 1-1 Leicester

For Palace there was nothing greater than a save from Guaita

The penalty saviour & 2 bonus point taker

Saved the day from Ihenacho’s lazy spot kick

Since Vardy was benched which was a shame because he’d have got it.

The Foxes had 17 shots to Palace’s 4, but they couldn’t hit a barn door

The match ended equal, after Zaha and Barnes scored

Leicester need to ensure they don’t start poor up in Teesside

Their form is dropping and need wins on the board, so they don’t fall behind!

Chelsea 1-1 Aston Villa

Some said this season Chelsea will show up…that’s what the talk was about

But now sit 6th with one win in 6 which isn’t nothing to talk about!

It’s awkward how it’s Giroud who scored, Werner’s awful now

I’m sure the board are talking about how to force him out

Meanwhile Villa are flying, 5th in the league deceives the eyes

Cash assisted pass to the back was a gift for El Ghazi to equalize.

Grealish still with kids shin pads is gifted, we all now believe the hype

With the January window open let’s see who’s got the P’s to buy.

Note/ This is harder than it seems.

I think Niall is way smarter than me…

Brighton 0-1 Arsenal

Despite the farcical start from Arsenal they beat Brighton

2 wins on the bounce but still in 13th is hardly exciting

But Arteta’s heart can calm for a second, fixtures are quite enticing

Pending they actually start, Saka & Laca are mighty inviting!

Brighton are hovering above relegation; they’re going down all day

They haven’t any goal threat at all besides Maupay

Stay clear of them in FPL there’s really no more to say

If you still have Lamptey then FPL really isn’t your forte.

Burnley 1-0 Sheffield Utd

In GW16 I broke into the top 10k OR with a GW score of 60

A quarter of my score (15) was delivered all because I picked Mee

Interest in him will rise quickly, 5 returns in 9 games.

Next up is a home match to Fulham is all I’m saying…

The Blades are blunt, just 2 points from 16 games is crap

We don’t own any of their players in FPL I know that for a fact.

If you do, then it’s Brewster, and that’s just to save cash

He’ll be 3rd place in your subs bench and that’s where he’ll stay, last.

Southampton 0-0 West Ham

Anyone else getting bored of this?
Well, this one ended scoreless

Despite the return of Ings

He did nothing in 90 mins

Clean sheets awarded all round though

Hopefully earning a few of you green arrows

Fixtures are now naff for the Saints

So you’d better have an exit plan in place.

(worst one yet…. reaches towards the whisky cabinet for “inspiration” …BRB)

West Brom 0-5 Leeds

So we all have Bamford, see 5-0 and get all elated

Until we realise all he did was assisted 2 and with FPL points only bagged 8

He was outperformed by Alioski and Dallas at the back

Both scoring 12 points with returns in attack

West Brom are looking naff, only player over 1% owned is Button

And he hasn’t even played one minute, zero, nothing!

But if you’re looking for differentials, let me tell you something

They’ve got Arsenal next, so expect West Brom to give the Gunners a thumping!

Man Utd 1-0 Wolves

Here’s my secret, my kryptonite from every season past

I pick many United players because I support them, regardless of the stats

My heart tells me they’ll bang, even when my head tells me they’re naff

But for once, this season, looks like I’m having the last laugh

Everyone has Bruno, he’s the elite FPL commodity to own right?

But I also have Sir Rashford who’s been under the radar for time

7 goals so far, Bruno 10, United are now surprisingly in form

Although Villa next, Liverpool soon so we don’t know what we’re in for

Newcastle 0-0 Liverpool

Liverpool drew, the other 19 team fans erupted as the league isn’t theirs (yet)

Teams will now park the bus against Klopp and couldn’t really care less

FPL clean sheets were a bonus though, a let off if you had them

For most with Salah we’re still puzzled why he couldn’t make anything happen

It’s a blip, Liverpool are too good & Klopp’s men will soon click into action

Although saying that, Southampton next so expect Danny Ings to bag then

You’ll keep hold of Salah, you may even own Mane but sure as hell you wont sack them

But my top tip for 2021. In Manchester RED is the colour in fashion!

Dear god…Why did I do that? (sorry everyone!)

Happy New Year!

Written by @JackAGoodwin

I type these words on the final day of 2020. It can sod off forever.

I also type these words as matches are being postponed with just three hours’ notice, so Caveat Emptor and all that. (No, he doesn’t play right back for Fulham, it means buyer beware). Just rest assured that if matches are called off that my tip would have absolutely smashed it.

Onto GW17!

Written by @NiallHawthorne

Defender: Ezgjan Alioski, Leeds United

Casuals among you may not realise this but last year’s Lord Lundstram has been replaced by this year’s Stuart ‘JR’ Dallas, a cheap defender playing way up the pitch and delivering goals, assists and clean sheets aplenty.

However, I’m here to get you ahead of the game, so I’m pointing you towards the other rampaging defender in this hilariously fun Leeds United team, the North Macedonian international has two goals and five clean sheets since cementing his spot from GW8 onwards.

He’s £0.3m cheaper and has an ownership of 12% less than his Southfork dwelling mate.

This week they play Spurs at lunchtime on Saturday. Spurs have developed a nasty habit of forgetting that they’re allowed score more than once in a game, with Harry Kane on a run of three blanks. That’s probably because he’s now dropping so deep he’s wearing the keeper’s gloves.

Midfielder: Gylfi Sigurdsson, Everton

The man. The myth. The legend.

Many of us fondly remember the Gylfi Sigurdsson who plundered nine goals and 13 assists in one season, or the Gylfi Sigurdsson who romped home with thirteen goals and six assists in another season.

He may be back, and only 1.8% of FPL players own him. He also costs less than £7m and faces a West Ham side looking decidedly ‘Moyesey’ in recent weeks. Carlo Ancelotti has found a role for Sigurdsson further up the pitch.

Time to jump on the bandwagon?

Forward: Jamie Vardy, Leicester City

This pick is based on the one certain rule of football and FPL:

The game after a goalkeeper has an unexpected worldie, he’s going to turn to jelly the very next game.

Karl Darlow was sensational against Liverpool, much to this writer’s chagrin, but I reckon Vardy will be off his face on Blue WKD and Smarties after being benched last time out and will haul. Bigly.

Captain: Bruno Fernandes, Manchester United

Ten goals. Eight assists. Seven double digit hauls. All in just fifteen appearances. It’s outrageous really. Manchester United are in a title fight, much to the astonishment of absolutely everyone.

So, I’m doing what any principled FPL writer that supports Liverpool would do. I’m tipping him as Captain in the firm hope that my quite astonishing FPL juju this season rubs off on him. If it works I’m tipping him as Captain every damn week.

Send all complaints to FantasyYIRMA, FantasyYIRMA towers, Bite Me Boulevard, Co. Kiss My Arse. Postcode: L0 5ER

Outsider: Gabriel Martinelli, Arsenal

Martinelli is the big hope down at the Emirates, and has been for quite some time. For me, he’s the undiscovered diamond in FPL. Costing just £4.9m and owned by less than 1% (including yours truly), he has started the last two matches, and is a forward categorised as a midfielder on FPL in my eyes. At the very least he’s an enabler for your squad, but I reckon he could be what many idiots (including yours truly) thought Rhian Brewster was going to be.

Your move….

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof

Fantasy Football: Liverpool, Leeds and WBA

I hope everybody had a peaceful and joyous Christmas, except Sam Allardyce.

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Onto GW16!

Defender: Charlie Taylor, Burnley

Burnley only tend to concede large amounts of goals when they feel they are the inferior team. They shipped three against Chelsea, five against Manchester City and three against, err, Newcastle United.

Apart from that they’re a solid defensive FPL option having conceded just three goals in seven league games (excluding the City game).

In short what I’m saying is Burnley are like Nelson Muntz. They can pick on the smaller kids, but can get their ass whomped by Jimbo Jones.

This week they face Sheffield United, aka Martin Prince. HaHa!

Cheer up Charlie, this is your golden ticket to a clean sheet!

Midfielder: Sadio Mane, Liverpool

On the third day of Christmas, Sadio gave to you nine FPL points thanks to his goal and bonus points against West Bromwich Albion.

This followed his nine FPL points before Christmas which ended his ‘drought’. We are truly living in biblical times, eh?

Form is temporary and class is permanent. Sadio Mane will always be class, and he likes playing at St James’s Park where he will be on the sixth day of Christmas. Instead of six geese-a-laying, I predict he’ll deliver at least 6 points-a-playing.

Forward: Patrick Bamford, Leeds United

I know that most people would be expecting to see the name of Harry Kane here as they face Fulham at home, but Fulham are undefeated in four with only two conceded. Spurs may face a harder game than most anticipate.

So, I’m plumping for Patrick Bamford against the Baggies, who have just come away from Anfield with a point. However, that’s the third game where West Brom have taken points against one of the ‘Big 6’ and after each of the previous two games, they got spanked. After a point against Chelsea, Southampton mullered ‘em. After a point against Man City, Villa mullered ‘em.

Plus, I really really want to see Big Sam’s face as Marcelo Bielsa’s tactics rip his side to shreds while he sits on a bucket and ‘posh boy’ Bamford runs amok.

Captain: Jamie Vardy, Leicester City

Brendan Rodgers takes his side to Selhurst Park to face Crystal Palace, who have hilariously forgotten how to defend, and have now lost their best defender to injury in Gary Cahill.

That’s ten goals shipped in the last two matches and Leicester City possess one of the best away records in the division with six wins from seven trips on the road.

Vardy himself has a frankly ridiculous nine goals and three assists in those seven away matches. It’s almost like Premier League teams don’t realise that Vardy is most dangerous when the other side have the ball and lose it suddenly…

A Vardy Xmas/New Year Party is very much on the cards.

Outsider: Karlan Grant, West Bromwich Albion

Having said all the above, we live in Brexit times, and some good old fashioned British Bulldog Spirit from Sam Allardyce may well put a hole in Bielsa’s bucket.

Grant was a willing front runner at Anfield and perhaps should have scored in the second half, so the not-quite-watertight Leeds defence may get breached.

He’s owned by 0.0% of FPL players right now. You know what my record is like tipping players owned by nobody.

Your move….

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof

Fantasy Football: Boxing Day Preview

Fantasy Football: Five Festive Hints

Fantasy Football GW14: Liverpool and Liverpool Apparently

Fantasy Football: Manchester United, Southampton and Newcastle Make the FPL Preview

Aguero Back For Man City? Not According to Ben Dinnery or Pep

%d bloggers like this: