Apr 24
This gallery contains 1 photo.
Lockdown review: Sunderland ‘Til I Die Written by @JamesMartin013 There’s no football of any description – fantasy or otherwise – for at least the next few weeks, which leaves a desperate need for a sports fix. Belarusian league aside, most people are finding the best option to be sports books and documentaries. In the […]
Apr 17
This gallery contains 13 photos.
Written by @JACKAGOODWIN It’s a weird time for us all, a real weird time. For most, we’re locked up in our homes trying not to kill one another and finding small little hobbies we never knew of before like cooking or cleaning. One thing we’ve all lost aside from our minds is the ability to […]
Written by @JamesMartin013
There’s no football of any description – fantasy or otherwise – for at least the next few weeks, which leaves a desperate need for a sports fix. Belarusian league aside, most people are finding the best option to be sports books and documentaries. In the first of a new mini-series, James Martin suggests ‘All or Nothing: Manchester City’ might not be the answer…
There was much understandable excitement when Amazon Prime promised a behind-the-scenes look at Premier League champions Manchester City, but viewers were instead subjected to an eight-hour PR video.
The unrivalled access proved to be the only real draw of an otherwise drab eight-part series, which left a profound sense of dissatisfaction. While the footage did capture areas not usually open to the public, every shot seemed carefully curated to cultivate an image acceptable to the powers-that-be at The Etihad.
Some of this blandness undoubtedly derived from the relatively routine manner of much of City’s on-pitch success in the 2017/18 season, but even when things went wrong for the super-club the documentary failed to engross.
After the transfer team missed out on top target Virgil van Dijk to rivals Liverpool, the programme cut to the sporting director Txiki Begiristain ‘candidly’ musing that the eventual price paid was far too high to be good business. The episode entitled ‘Welcome to Hell’, dedicated to their Champions League exit at the hands of Klopp’s side, promised more. Even this was used to push the club’s agenda, however, placing huge focus on the bottles thrown at the team bus rather than the ultimate shortcomings on the pitch.
It is an inevitability that behaviours will be to some extent altered when cameras are pointed, but in a world where everyone is used to constant scrutiny it was reasonable to expect that the documentary would at least manage to give a relatively genuine and insightful portrayal of players and staff. Instead, I was constantly half-expecting manager Pep Guardiola to turn to camera, The Office-style, and deliver a well-worn cliché.
That is not to question his managerial talents, which shone through even in the sub-par production, but everybody choosing to watch this would have already been well aware of the gifted personnel lured to Manchester City following the 2008 takeover. The fundamental question about All or Nothing duly remains, even after eight long hours: what was the point?
The answer to that question may well lurk under the tailored veneer, and it is a worryingly insidious one. Miguel Delaney of The Independent has written at length on Manchester City’s so-called ‘sports-washing’. This is defined by Kate Allen, Director of Amnesty International UK, as: “wealthy regimes… [using] sport as a means to polish up their own tarnished images.”
Sheikh Mansour, City’s owner, is an Emirati royal prince. Nobody will watch the documentary and instantaneously forget that numerous human rights organisations have roundly condemned the UAE, but that is not the point of sports-washing. Rather the viewers are presented with a team that is forward-thinking in all aspects of its day-to-day running, and over time begin to associate this with Mansour and his family instead of what Human Rights Watch describes as ‘arbitrary detention’ and ‘forcible disappearances’.
The programme even depicts a progressive coach who stands up for political freedoms. Pep Guardiola can be seen wearing a yellow ribbon in protest at the denial of a Catalonian independence referendum – on a subconscious level, those watching start to doubt whether the people from whom he takes his salary can really be that bad when it comes to human rights.
All or Nothing was never going to delve into such waters. This does not automatically make it a failure, and precious few football clubs in the modern game can boast immunity from moral criticism, but soft propaganda rarely makes for enthralling television. There is only so long that viewers can be blinded by the veil being drawn back on the operations of a Premier League club – eventually they will notice that there is precious little substance.
This has only become more obvious in the time since the series was released. It did at least re-emphasise the strong appetite for sports documentaries, and Netflix went on to produce Sunderland ‘Til I Die: this was a truly compelling, raw insight into the heart and soul of a football club. The contrast to All or Nothing could hardly be more stark – true emotions were captured as viewers felt the anguish of Sunderland’s fans and saw it contrasted with the relative indifference of some of the senior professionals.
The unique opportunity to watch John Stones singing Wonderwall just doesn’t quite stack up in comparison.
Review written by James Martin
Dear Readers,
We’re 29 weeks into the FPL season and we all continue to aggressively impersonate actual football managers on Twitter – and yet, within that, we are a family.
Ludicrous to think just how much the FPL has impacted our lives without only really giving a handful of us “full-time” roles doing it! There’s no way of describing FPL to outsiders without sounding like big kids is there? Big kids perhaps, but big kids with big ambitions. There’s ego to FPL, cockiness in success and cowardliness in defeat. We have the ups and downs experience like that of the Grand National at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, which, we all unashamedly love.
We’re one massive playground of #FPL Twitter accounts pretending to be the popular kids in the playground when really, we’re the ones who stay indoors and discuss tactics and transfers after school like a Warhammer x Football crossover (with less painting).
So for the kids within us all, this weeks review will be shoehorned into Board Games – squeezing the 10 FPL games from GW29 into our most beloved games from times gone by……Enjoy!
Written by @JackAGoodwin
Liverpool 2 – 1 Bournemouth
RISK: A Game of strategic conquest. Liverpool have been the Mongol Horde of the 2019/20 season, the Grand Armee, the Romans…(I’m not going to say Nazi). The absolute best at strategizing their way through any obstacles put in their path. But now, complacency is their nearest most intimidating opposition – crashing out of the FA Cup & now very recently the Champion’s League they’re playing a dangerous game of Slippy Gerrard. Still, Klopp rolled the dice during his turn against Bournemouth and claimed another territory even if a little unconvincingly. Bournemouth are now in the relegation zone and need buck up, quickly, as the odds are stacked on top of them (but that’s another game altogether).
Arsenal 1 – 0 West Ham
JUMANJI: Honestly, what do we do with Arsenal nowadays? Literally the definition of playing Jumanji, an unknown adventure you never even knew you were meant to be a part of. Complete with jungle-based hazards such as frogs (Ozil), snakes (Xhaka) and unidentified creatures (David Luiz). You turn up to a game not knowing whether the Gunners are going to roll a double and breeze past an obstacle or land directly on the mystery square and end up in a fight with a pack of monkeys attempting to steal the club bus, all whilst Robin Williams keeps interrupting proceedings by trying to make a light hearted joke out of the absolutely terrifying things happening around you…..Arsenal JUST escaped West Ham who are dangerously close to the Jumanji sequel (Jumanji 2: The Championship). Side note; there will certainly be a Judy and a Peter working for Arsenal.
Crystal Palace 1 – 0 Watford
SNAKES & LADDERS: Last week Watford climbed a massive ladder, a hidden ladder which gave them a shock victory over Liverpool. They were so high you could see the bottom of Deeney’s boots which still had the Sports Direct sticker on them (£19.99). Strolling around the board this week they had Crystal Palace infront of them and a teeny jump would’ve seen them climb closer to them in the league. So they lined up, rolled the dice and sprinted at Palace (more shots, more possession, more yellow things). They thought they’d done enough until they slipped on a small Jordan Ayew looking thing, Watford falling right onto a massive snake (not Xhaka, a real one) and squandering their chances of climbing the board
Sheffield United 1 – 0 Norwich
JENGA: Jesus look how high Sheffield are right now?! Imagine, if you must, Sheffield are the Jenga tower. At the start of the season they were solid, nothing fancy nor tall enough to cause concern. Now we’re 29 “turns” in to this season the Sheffield tower is massive. Each game is a risky move that somehow, they manage to pull-off and climb that one block of wood higher. There are gaps all over the show, you look at them in disbelief how they’ve got so high without falling. This is a very impressive game of Jenga indeed. Norwich this past GW was as easy obstacle, one of those loose-bricks you can wobble out with no fuss at all and look smugly at your nan because it’s her turn next. Next up is Newcastle for the Blades which may require a fancy flicky manoeuvre.
Southampton 0 – 1 Newcastle
BATTLESHIPS: Danny Ings has been the destroyer for Southampton this season – the unstoppable force which is so hard to take out of a game even after you do so much damage to the team. Danny Ings recently replaced his destroyer with a dingy (he named it Dingsy). Now, teams take Dingsy out of the game with one strike – this week Newcastle hit it with the Saint-Maximissile, a strange munition with a Gucci headband on it.
Wolves 0 – 0 Brighton
UNO: Why? Because Nuno. This opportunity was too good to let slip (lol, Gerrard). Similarities are there however with Uno and Nuno; both are subject to change without any warning, both quite fun, both colourful and both can easily turnaround a game with one action. Brighton however are a dab-hand at Uno and kept a few cheeky cards in their hands. Each time Nuno placed his +2 or +4 cards, Graham Potter instantly hit back, just when Nuno thought he’d called UNO, Potter planted the skip card. The game ended a draw, which, we all know is impossible – some suggest that Potter just left the game because Nuno kept yelling NUNO instead of UNO every time he placed a card (even when he wasn’t on UNO at all) which pissed off everyone involved.
Burnley 1 – 1 Tottenham
BUCKAROO: How many more random items (aka poor performances) do Spurs (the Buckaroo) have to have placed on them (by Jose) before they kick-out and get rid of the Portuguese baggage? The team are phenomenally challenged by not only injuries, but lack of direction with the ever-losing-his-marbles Jose at the helm. Was Poch worse than this? Sure, credit where due, Dyche’s Burnley are now just 2 points behind Spurs and have had a really good season so far…They were likely to place another cowboy hat or suitcase on the back of the Spurs Buckaroo.
Chelsea 4 – 0 Everton
CONNECT FOUR: A simple analogy with this one. Frank Lampard is still down with the kids, knows his way around a Hasbro game. Ancelotti not so much, his fond memory of gaming is tic-tac-toe or whatever they played during World War One. Frank battered Carlo. The easiest game of connect four you’ll ever witness. Chelsea literally popped 4 counters (goals) in a row without Everton even responding – Carlo was too busy scowling at everyone to recognise what was unfolding. A tough loss to take for Everton who now seem all but out of the race for European football next season.
Manchester United 2 – 0 Manchester City
CLUEDO: So, who’s to blame for the Manchester City loss? It’s all a big unknown to be blunt. It’s a Cluedo board of fault with Pep himself one of the “suspects”. There are hundreds of questions, how the hell can Man United beat Man City? The Bruno Effect? Ole passed his driving test? Pep Roulette taking its toll on player morale? All I know is that Professor Pep was seen in the Ball Room with a Lead Pipe. That’s all I am saying.
Leicester 4 – 0 Aston Villa
GUESS WHO: Who is this kid? Guess Who Harvey Barnes Edition coming soon! Seemingly out of nowhere he’s storming the FPL since GW23 with 5 goals and 51 points in just those 7 games. What did you expect from the son of Paul Barnes (90s York FC LEGEND). Villa were not prepared at all, and are left (like us all) still working out just who Harvey Barnes is.
Mar 5
This gallery contains 1 photo.
FOLLOW JACK ON TWITTER @JACKAGOODWIN Ladies & Gents (& Ryan), We need to address something. No, it’s not my letter of apology to the family of Shane from Westlife. In truth, I am worried that my creativity is dying, there’s a lack of unique reviews running around my head – it’s not my fault, the […]
Feb 27
Fantasy Football – Gameweek 28 Preview Written by @NiallHawthorne Game week 28 sees a ‘mini-blank’ occur thanks to the Caraboa Cup Final. Now I don’t know who thought it would be a good idea for a reindeer to be a prize in a football tournament, but with the way of the modern world who am […]
Feb 26
Gameweek 27 Review: Written by @JackAGoodwin I feel sick. All this time writing for FantasyYIRMA I believed we were only here to have fun. Write some engaging, satirical content for the #FPLCommunity whilst loosely trying to tie it all together in a lovely FPL care package. Turns out, our very own Niall Hawthorne has […]
Feb 21
Fantasy Football – Gameweek 27 Preview Written by @NiallHawthorne After nine long years (or at least it felt it) GW26 is behind us. I’m not saying it dragged on for a long time, but between the time it started and ended Manchester City did a Brexit, Liverpool turned to shite and Boris Johnson’s government […]
Feb 21
This gallery contains 10 photos.
#FPL Gameweek 26 Review: Written by @JackAGoodwin Since I went off the rail somewhat and started reciting poetry to Ryan in a kind-of homage to getting married that weekend – I got married. The day after, we flew over to India to have a week-long Indian marriage festival of sorts where I got turmeric […]
Feb 6
This gallery contains 1 photo.
FPL Gameweek 26 Preview from @NiallHawthorne https://www.streamfootball.tv/sdk/sdk.js So, we’ve arrived at GW26 which will take place between February 8th and July 23rd by my calculations. If you Captain a player who plays this weekend, you have an agonising wait to see the damage if he blanks. If you Captain a player who plays at the […]
FREE #FPL APP from @FFMiphone
