Written by Mr. Niall Hawthorne We have reached the end of the road. The cul-de-sac of Fantasy Premier League greets us once more, and upon your arrival you will either be lauded as a hero or mocked as a failure. As ever there are winners and losers, but as with life it’s the taking part […]
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I type this with a stinker of a settling hangover after a big work event last night, so let’s just crack on, quietly….
Onto GW31!
GW31 Defender: Reece James, Chelsea
Yeah, so Reece James is fit, apparently. Or not. I dunno. It hurts to blink. Chalobah is in good form in the last few weeks too, but will he start? Will James? Can I lie down now?
Chelsea are home to Brentford, so yeah, one of their defenders. Cool? Sound.
GW31 Midfielder: Abdoulaye Doucoure, Everton
It took me three goes to spell his bloody name, and now my brain is rattling in my head. He plays twice, I think. Can anyone confirm if two still comes after one? I’m not sure anymore. Anyway, Claret and Hammers for Doucoure, which sounds shakingly familiar to last night for me.
Ouch.
GW31 Forward: Teemu Pukki, Norwich
I’m going to level with you, the form guide has Pukki in the top 5 form forwards in the game right now. That could still be my addled mind playing with me, or it could be true. I dunno. But he has lovely green games coming as far as the eye can see, and has scored/assisted in three on the spin, so why not? Pukki party!
Nope. Never having a party again. Ever.
GW31 Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool
Salah. At home. To Watford.
This doesn’t take a great deal of thought, which is handy because I don’t have a great deal of thoughts.
GW31 Outsider: Connor Roberts, Burnley
Sean Dyche has had two weeks to plan for these two games, with (presumably) not many players away on international duty. He’ll have them primed, prepped and ready to lock City and Everton down.
Yes I know I’m talking bollox, but it’s the best I can do right now.
Your move…I’m moving to a bed.
Written by Mr. Niall Hawthorne
Not sure who reads this column anymore??
Onto DGW28!
GW28 Defender: Tino Livramenton, Southampton
Ah Tino, how we have missed thee.
The darling of FPL in GW’s 1 – 11 has now resurfaced on the back of a stunning 20 point haul in his last two games. Marry that with the fact that Southampton are purring right now, and they have two matches in GW28 against mediocre opposition, and he may well be too good to ignore.
£4.4m? Please!
GW28 Midfielder: Hakim Ziyech, Chelsea
Three goal-scoring returns in a row for the man who RomeloLukaku owes, big time.
This week he faces Burnley and Norwich. He’s red-hot, confidence must be sky-high, and he’s owned by under 1.5% of players?
Madness I tell you. Utter madness.
GW28 Forward: Harry Kane, Spurs
Many will plump for Che Adams here, and they’re not wrong. He’s got two games, is the in-form forward in the game, and could do well.
However Harry Kane seems to have found his mojo once more, as the end of a season looms, and a juicy transfer window is about to open in a few months.
This week he faces Everton at White Hart Lane. Everton are bobbins on the road, truly awful. 12 goals conceded in their last 6 away games in the premier league leads me to believe that if Spurs turn up (and admittedly that is a bit of an ‘if’), then Kane could plunder his third double-digit haul in his last four starts.
GW28 Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool
What, again? I hear you cry…
Yes, again.
Last week I had to choose differently and Bruno Fernandes blanked harder than Terry Wogan on a BBC game-show in the 1980’s that gave you a chequebook and pen as a prize.
This week he’s off the back of a 28 point haul in DGW26, a shiny new winners medal in his back pocket, and a rest in midweek.
The Hammer can blow bubbles all they want. Salah will blow West Ham away.
GW28 Outsider: Ryan Fraser, Newcastle United
Two clean sheets, two assists, a goal and 25 points in his last four games.
Not bad for a defender with just 0.7% ownership playing for a team that seems to have found its feet under their new manager.
Two games this week too, against Brighton and Southampton.
Your move…
Glory Be! A Double Gameweek!
The unique event in a season where you scour the Burnley squad because you actually want to put one or two of them into your team! How random!
Onto DGW26!
GW26 Defender: Kieran Tierney, Arsenal
Two games ahead this week, both at home, against Brentford and Wolves.
Brentford have one goal in their last four away games. Wolves are more prolific, but aren’t exactly the top scorers in the league.
Tierney is also in form with three clean sheets in his last four games, and six clean sheets in his last eight.
Finally he has four attacking returns this season, has been picked when fit, and is owned by under 15% of players.
GW26 Midfielder: Maxwel Cornet, Burnley
The start of a double double gameweek for the Clarets, who have four league games to play by March 1st.
While pickings are slim amongst the ranks of the gravel-voiced master’s men, Cornet is the clear class act in the team with six goals to his name this season.
Brighton and Spurs this week, and if you bring him in now, he’s facing Palace and Leicester next week.
GW26 Forward: Emmanuel Dennis, Watford
I’m clinging to the hope that his 14 attacking returns this season are evidence of class rather than form.
If I’m right, then this week could prove the old maxim right, and with fixtures against Villa and Palace he’s the best attacking option for this week.
I mulled over Edouard and Jimenez, but I just can’t see past Dennis this week.
GW26 Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool
Oh my…
Home games against Norwich City and Leeds United.
Liverpool are purring, strolling into the San Siro this week to slap Internazionale around, relentlessly chasing Manchester City down, and looking ahead to a Wembley final next weekend.
If you have a Triple Captain chip, I’m struggling to see where and when you’d have a better option to play it.
GW25 Outsider: Jadon Sancho, Manchester United
It’s now or never Jadon.
Leeds and Watford in a DGW. Ownership of under 3%. Cost under £9m. If you can’t do it this week, will you ever do it?
Your move…
Fantasy Football Preview: Gameweek 25
written by Mr. Niall Hawthorne
I’m not saying that the world is a confusing place right now, but if my casual glance at the news today is right, then Russia is about to win gold at the Winter Olympics in the ‘Threatening to start a war’ event. Their athlete Vladimir Putin solved his Wordle in just four moves despite the American spelling, and then held a party in Downing Street where some D*** resigned.
Weird.
Onto GW25!
GW25 Defender: Marc Cucurella, Brighton & Hove Albion
Two games for a Brighton defence that is the very definition of a tease for the last few weeks.
In the past 12 GW’s, they’ve only conceded more than a goal once, but they’ve also only kept 3 clean sheets. That means for 8 of the last 12 GW’s they’ve conceded just one solitary goal. Now, that’s got to be a trend towards defensive returns, right?
This week they play Watford and Manchester United.
One is a club being run shambolically with constant managerial changes, underperforming staff and now being managed by an over-the-hill old git who used to be respected as being ‘cutting edge’ once upon a time in the dark mists of history.
The other is Watford.
£5.1m and under 5% ownership, this is a differential punt. I said punt.
GW25 Midfielder: Conor Gallagher, Crystal Palace
7 goals and 5 assists for the Chelsea loanee this season, and this week he takes on a Brentford side that are shipping goals at an alarming rate in recent weeks. 14 goals in their last 5 games, to be precise.
It’s Bees v Eagles in a London derby on Saturday afternoon, and I fancy this Eagle to soar in this one.
GW25 Forward: Allan Saint-Maximin, Newcastle United
Did you see him the other night? I haven’t seen somebody on my TV move that quickly since Wile E. Coyote had an ACME knife and fork in his hand at dinnertime.
Two goals and an assist in his last four games shows decent form for a forward in the Premier League, which is a position that seems to be dying out of the game, weirdly.
This week he faces Stevie G’s Villa who shipped three goals last time out, so there you go, that’s ALL the logic.
Oh, and I’m not picking Ronaldo. Just because.
GW25 Captain: Kevin De Bruyne, Manchester City
66 points in his last 8 games. That’s over 8 points a game if my calculator is to be believed, but then again can you really believe calculators these days?
Calculators are controlled by the Alt-Right who make us believe that 2+2 = 4 from an early age so we trust whatever we tell them for the rest of our lives. Calculators define our calculations in every aspect of our existence, and we never question them. The more advanced ones even goad us. Sin? It’s not ‘Sine’, it actually says Sin, the evil b*stards. Cos? They do this, just ‘cos. Function? Yes, we can, but only if they let us, and they know it.
Open your eyes sheeple. They’ve infiltrated your phones, they know everything about you! You can delete your Facebooks or your Twitters but who deletes their Calculator app? NOBODY! It’s always there, watching, learning, calculating.
Anyway, KDB for Captain this week.
GW25 Outsider: Samir Caetano de Souza Santos, Watford
I’m long overdue a 0.0% scoring tip, and I have a feeling this week could be it.
This lad plays for Watford, in defence, which is now being marshalled by Roy Hodgson. They’ve only conceded one goal in their last two games, and that was a jammy deflection at West Ham.
£4.5m and NOBODY owns him. Oh, and he’s playing Brighton, who aren’t exactly prolific.
Your move…
Fantasy Football Preview: Gameweek 24
Written by Mr. Niall Hawthorne
Now that AFCON, the winter break and the FA Cup are out of the way, we can concentrate on six glorious uninterrupted weeks of pure FPL mayhem, as Double Gameweeks approach, Blank Gameweeks loom large, and there’ll be more chips in circulation than Microsoft could handle.
Onto GW24!
GW24 Defender: Joao Cancelo, Manchester City
It feels like quite a while ago, because it was, but City’s bubble was slightly deflated in GW23 as they were held to a draw at Southampton, following a run of 963 consecutive wins spanning nine decades.
This has left the door ever so slightly ajar for Liverpool, but City will be determined to slam it shut as soon as possible, starting this week at home to Brentford. This should be a routine home win with a clean sheet, so Cancelo is the obvious pick. He’s just penned a new contract and has only missed one start this season. With 12 clean sheets, 8 assists and a goal, the odds are he increases at least one of those stats this midweek.
GW24 Midfielder: Jarrod Bowen, West Ham United
An astonishing 18 attacking returns in 23 league games for the Hammers, and he’s also doing it in the cups, scoring the 121stminute to shatter the hopes, dreams and future of non-league Kidderminster Harriers, the big bully.
This week he has a home game against hapless Watford with Harry the Hornet alongside Hodgson hoping against hope for help in their relegation battle.
While West Ham have wobbled in the league recently, they battered Watford in the corresponding fixture a few weeks ago, and Bowen racked up three assists and 14 points in that game.
I’m expecting more returns for him this week.
GW24 Forward: Ollie Watkins, Aston Villa
Ah yes, the forward pick. It’s like looking for the shiniest turd, the most-educated Brexiteer, the most logical anti-vaxxer. It’s basically impossible.
However Leeds United have conceded a whopping 20 goals in their last 7 league games, and Ollie Watkins is due to break this worst barren spell of the season, so I’m going for him.
GW24 Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool
He’s back.
They made him cry.
They’ll pay.
Oh, and Leicester City are imploding in typical Brodgers style as his time runs out at yet another club, so even if Salah only gets 20 minutes, he’ll plunder points. Nailed. On.
GW24 Outsider: Wilfried Zaha, Crystal Palace
Following his AFCON excursion, Zaha returns for Palace away to Norwich City. In his next five games, he faces Norwich, Watford, Burnley and Brentford.
Less than 5% ownership and that fixture list? It’s a recipe for something, that’s for sure.
Your move…
Gameweek 21 Preview: Bonus Double Gameweek
This is supposed to be a game of skill.
A game where you see who is going to play, you see who is not going to play, you select the best players you feel will deliver the most points. That’s the skill element. Of course,there is also luck, both good and bad, like any game.
However, as we head into 2022, the skill element has been removed as we have no idea who will play or won’t play. I’m not even talking about individual players here; I’m talking about whole fixtures. As I type, two matches have already been called off for this weekend, but Chelsea v Liverpool looks dodgy, not to mention a couple of others.
So, my ability to show off my SKILLZ is removed, much to my frustration. I know that many of you (because I see your Twitter feeds) are feeling a similar sense of frustration with both the situation and the FPL organisation.
To you all, I tell you this.
It’s just a game. Never forget that.
Onto GW21!
GW21 Defender: Dunno, don’t know who’s playing – Let’s guess at Harry Maguire, Manchester United
Stop giggling!
I’m being serious!
Aside from De Gea, he seems to be the only nailed on starter in the United backline these days. That’s important because United are allegedly supposed to play Wolves on Monday evening, and Wolves have scored one goal in their last six games.
Really! One goal in 540 minutes of football, and that was against Brentford. They’ve blanked against City, Liverpool and Chelsea (understandably, I suppose) but also against Norwich and Burnley, which is not good.
So, a United clean sheet looks probably in a game that looks possible.
GW21 Midfielder: Dunno, don’t know who’s playing – Let’s guess at Heung Min Son, Spurs
He’s on a streak of five returns in a row, including four goals and two assists, and faces a Watford side that are conceding goals at a rate of three per game over the same five game period.
Son is a decent captaincy pick, so if my captaincy pick picks up Covid, pick Son as your pick for captain pick and hope he can’t pick up covid too.
GW21 Forward: Dunno, don’t know who’s playing – Let’s guess at Ollie Watkins, Aston Villa
Brentford host Villa, apparently, this weekend.
Alvaro Fernandez took over in the Brentford goal in GW10, and in the nine games since he has one clean sheet and has conceded 16 goals – that’s not great.
Since GW10, Ollie Watkins has played all nine games, scored four goals, provided one assist and has picked up nine bonus points.
Make of those stats what you will.
GW21 Captain: Dunno, don’t know who’s playing – Let’s guess at Mo Salah, Liverpool
If this game goes ahead, there’s a reason why you should get away from the ‘Chelsea are great in defence’ narrative, because they haven’t been…
In their last 10 league games, they have two clean sheets.
In away league games this season, Salah has scores of 17 (Norwich), 13 (Watford), 24 (United, LOLZ) and 15 (Everton, LOLZ x 100).
This is his last game in the Premier League for a month, if it goes ahead, so ignore him at your peril.
Oh, and Ronaldo at home to Wolves? Have you seen the form of the Wolves defence? If not, you should….
GW21 Outsider: Dunno, don’t know who’s playing – Let’s guess at Kevin De Bruyne, Manchester City
1.This is the first game of the weekend, so less chance statistically that it gets pulled (possibly)
2. KDB has picked up 34 of his 65 points this season in his last four games
3. He’s owned by under 5% of all players
4. He’s playing Arsenal, without lego-head on the touchline for Pep to patronisingly pat
Your move…
Fantasy Football Preview: Gameweek 20
As we hurtle headlong through the most chaotic, stressful and controversial FPL Christmas period in history, I would like us all to take a step back and realise what’s really important at this time of year.
Family. Giving. Sprouts. Peace. Goodwill. Resolutions.
Yeah, sod all of them.
What’s really important is that you listen to the absolute BANGER of a Christmas song we released this year. I’m not saying we threatened the Christmas charts, but that Sausage Roll lad had to team up with Elton and Ed to keep us down.
https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/5h53HVnwdtPJsHzY9
Next year, my friends. Next year.
Onto GW20!
GW20 Defender: Kostas Tsimikas, Liverpool
Imagine you had the chance to get Andy Robertson into your FPL defence for just £3.7m, and imagine not taking it.
Now imagine not picking Tsimikas for the next few weeks while Robertson is suspended.
This is a gift that not even Santa Claus could deliver, so take it.
GW20 Midfielder: Raheem Sterling, Manchester City
Seemingly on his way out of Pep Guardiola’s plans earlier in the season, Sterling has now started seven of the last eight City league games, racking up six goals and an assist in that time and a whopping 56 points from those seven starts. Now if you carry the one and don’t forget to take for inflation, that’s an average of 8 points per start, which can’t be ignored.
Of course he could be benched at the drop of a hat, but that’s the City conundrum so many have to deal with. Brentford are next up for City and when you compare the form of both teams, this has a spanking written all over it. If Sterling does get the nod to start, he could haul once more.
Oh, and he’s owned by less than 3% of players, amazingly.
GW20 Forward: Emmanuel Denis, Watford
Watford host West Ham at Vicarage Road as they prepare to play their first game since December 10th. To say they’re rested would be an understatement.
West Ham meanwhile have been busily toiling over Christmas and are in a poor run of form. Where once they were MASSIVE, now they’re quite a bit smaller, with just one win their last seven league games. They’ve also started conceding far too many goals, with 14 conceded in their last nine.
Denis is in a rich run of form with four goals and three assists in his last five starts. When you combine all of these facts, you put Denis up front in your team this week.
GW20 Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool
He’s back.
He’s rested.
Liverpool have all their big names back and ready to go.
Leicester have conceded a whopping 33 goals in 19 games this season, and just shipped six goals at The Etihad.
This could be an absolute Salah masterclass, and let’s face it, we all need to Captain the crap out of him before he departs for the AFCON in January.
GW20 Outsider: Lucas Moura, Spurs
The fifth most in-form player in the game right now, andowned by 2% of players.
His team are on the up under a new manager, he keeps getting picked by said new manager, and he’s facing Southampton away next. Spurs have done damage there before…
Your move…
Fantasy Football Preview: Gameweek 20
As we hurtle headlong through the most chaotic, stressful and controversial FPL Christmas period in history, I would like us all to take a step back and realise what’s really important at this time of year.
Family. Giving. Sprouts. Peace. Goodwill. Resolutions.
Yeah, sod all of them.
What’s really important is that you listen to the absolute BANGER of a Christmas song we released this year. I’m not saying we threatened the Christmas charts, but that Sausage Roll lad had to team up with Elton and Ed to keep us down.
https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/5h53HVnwdtPJsHzY9
Next year, my friends. Next year.
Onto GW20!
GW20 Defender: Kostas Tsimikas, Liverpool
Imagine you had the chance to get Andy Robertson into your FPL defence for just £3.7m, and imagine not taking it.
Now imagine not picking Tsimikas for the next few weeks while Robertson is suspended.
This is a gift that not even Santa Claus could deliver, so take it.
GW20 Midfielder: Raheem Sterling, Manchester City
Seemingly on his way out of Pep Guardiola’s plans earlier in the season, Sterling has now started seven of the last eight City league games, racking up six goals and an assist in that time and a whopping 56 points from those seven starts. Now if you carry the one and don’t forget to take for inflation, that’s an average of 8 points per start, which can’t be ignored.
Of course he could be benched at the drop of a hat, but that’s the City conundrum so many have to deal with. Brentford are next up for City and when you compare the form of both teams, this has a spanking written all over it. If Sterling does get the nod to start, he could haul once more.
Oh, and he’s owned by less than 3% of players, amazingly.
GW20 Forward: Emmanuel Denis, Watford
Watford host West Ham at Vicarage Road as they prepare to play their first game since December 10th. To say they’re rested would be an understatement.
West Ham meanwhile have been busily toiling over Christmas and are in a poor run of form. Where once they were MASSIVE, now they’re quite a bit smaller, with just one win their last seven league games. They’ve also started conceding far too many goals, with 14 conceded in their last nine.
Denis is in a rich run of form with four goals and three assists in his last five starts. When you combine all of these facts, you put Denis up front in your team this week.
GW20 Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool
He’s back.
He’s rested.
Liverpool have all their big names back and ready to go.
Leicester have conceded a whopping 33 goals in 19 games this season, and just shipped six goals at The Etihad.
This could be an absolute Salah masterclass, and let’s face it, we all need to Captain the crap out of him before he departs for the AFCON in January.
GW20 Outsider: Lucas Moura, Spurs
The fifth most in-form player in the game right now, andowned by 2% of players.
His team are on the up under a new manager, he keeps getting picked by said new manager, and he’s facing Southampton away next. Spurs have done damage there before…
Your move…
Fantasy Football Preview: Gameweek 20
As we hurtle headlong through the most chaotic, stressful and controversial FPL Christmas period in history, I would like us all to take a step back and realise what’s really important at this time of year.
Family. Giving. Sprouts. Peace. Goodwill. Resolutions.
Yeah, sod all of them.
What’s really important is that you listen to the absolute BANGER of a Christmas song we released this year. I’m not saying we threatened the Christmas charts, but that Sausage Roll lad had to team up with Elton and Ed to keep us down.
https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/5h53HVnwdtPJsHzY9
Next year, my friends. Next year.
Onto GW20!
GW20 Defender: Kostas Tsimikas, Liverpool
Imagine you had the chance to get Andy Robertson into your FPL defence for just £3.7m, and imagine not taking it.
Now imagine not picking Tsimikas for the next few weeks while Robertson is suspended.
This is a gift that not even Santa Claus could deliver, so take it.
GW20 Midfielder: Raheem Sterling, Manchester City
Seemingly on his way out of Pep Guardiola’s plans earlier in the season, Sterling has now started seven of the last eight City league games, racking up six goals and an assist in that time and a whopping 56 points from those seven starts. Now if you carry the one and don’t forget to take for inflation, that’s an average of 8 points per start, which can’t be ignored.
Of course he could be benched at the drop of a hat, but that’s the City conundrum so many have to deal with. Brentford are next up for City and when you compare the form of both teams, this has a spanking written all over it. If Sterling does get the nod to start, he could haul once more.
Oh, and he’s owned by less than 3% of players, amazingly.
GW20 Forward: Emmanuel Denis, Watford
Watford host West Ham at Vicarage Road as they prepare to play their first game since December 10th. To say they’re rested would be an understatement.
West Ham meanwhile have been busily toiling over Christmas and are in a poor run of form. Where once they were MASSIVE, now they’re quite a bit smaller, with just one win their last seven league games. They’ve also started conceding far too many goals, with 14 conceded in their last nine.
Denis is in a rich run of form with four goals and three assists in his last five starts. When you combine all of these facts, you put Denis up front in your team this week.
GW20 Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool
He’s back.
He’s rested.
Liverpool have all their big names back and ready to go.
Leicester have conceded a whopping 33 goals in 19 games this season, and just shipped six goals at The Etihad.
This could be an absolute Salah masterclass, and let’s face it, we all need to Captain the crap out of him before he departs for the AFCON in January.
GW20 Outsider: Lucas Moura, Spurs
The fifth most in-form player in the game right now, andowned by 2% of players.
His team are on the up under a new manager, he keeps getting picked by said new manager, and he’s facing Southampton away next. Spurs have done damage there before…
Your move…
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