Donald Trump, Moving to Mongolia and Stoke City’s Wilfried Bony

Nov 9

Feeling Fuzzy: Gameweek 11 Review

“Clearly, I need to pack my bags”

By @FuzzyWarbles (That’s important)

Hello friends, and welcome to the seventh level of hell.

Maybe the weather is a bit more tolerable in your part of the Earth, but in the United States, you better have an SPF – 1 BILLION bottle of sunscreen on your person, cause you need protection in the fiery pits of Hades.

Yes, I have decided to write my Week 11 FPL review during Election Night in the United States and I could not be less fit to be writing this now. You see, I really want to enjoy playing fantasy football. I want to enjoy writing about it too. But, America is on the brink of electing an absolute fool. Don’t get me wrong, I am not thrilled about the alternative, but the alternative at least provides me a sense of relief that the country will not go in the the direction of an alternate universe. An alternative universe much like the one we remember in Back to the Future: Part II.

You remember the enemy of the McFly’s, right? Biff Tannen? Remember what happened when Biff got a hold of Gray’s Sports Almanac and went back in time to hand it to the younger version of himself? Biff became filthy-stinking rich, and took over Hill Valley. He built up sleazy casinos, the community and neighborhoods were crime-ridden and there was rampant homelessness. Biff also had a strange orange-shaded haircut that looked like a combover gone bad.

It is just after midnight on Election night, East Coast US time, and it appears that the real-life Biff Tannen, Donald Trump, has the edge on winning the Presidency. Where is Doc Brown when you need him? You ever wake up suddenly from a terrible nightmare, but you quickly calm yourself down reflecting on what the nightmare was about, realizing that the circumstances were so absurd and removed from reality, that there is nothing to actually freak out about. This election is like that for me, except it appears to not be a dream and, despite these circumstances being entirely absure, this can actually happen… a sleazy, bigoted, misogynistic, unqualified, unintelligent, egomaniacal, self-serving dunce can be elected to the highest office.

So, I really want to limit the political claptrap in this column, but hopefully you can understand how this current event might give me a bit of distraction. I actually need to make plans of where to spend the next four years in exile. If this is my new President, knowing his attitude during refugees, it is only fitting that I pack my bags and flee for safer ground, an American refugee. Washington DC is my hometown. I was born and raised there. I have many friends there. But I cannot spend one minute treading on the same ground where this man, who has not held a political position of any kind for a single day will now be the leader of my country. The other day I was thinking, ”Are we really on the verge of another international break again, already?” Well, I am not complaining about that now. I need this extra time away from the Premier League to plan the next 4-8 years of my survival.

So, as I assemble my zombie apocalypse survival kit, let me touch upon the week that was in the Premier League:

I have been tooting the horn of Chelsea for the past couple of weeks and Liverpool are right there with them at the top of the table as the two clubs are terrorizing opponents with their attacking might. Five goals for Chelsea, six for Liverpool in Week 11. It is getting to the point now where you need two FPL prospects from each one of these clubs. Points – they are a-flying. Both sides should remain at or near the top of the table when this season draws to a close, but Chelsea clearly has the upper-hand. They actually have a sound defence to go along with a well-oiled attack. That said, perhaps Liverpool can win the title the same way Leicester did last season.

The Foxes spent the first half of last season racking up points, but were not sound defensively. Their normal result would be a 3-2 win. However, things changed for Claudio Ranieri’s side in the second half of the season.

The attacking exploits of Jamie Vardy and Riyad Mahrez began to cool off but suddenly the defense became the strength of the club – and it happened with the same personnel the Foxes had in the season’s first half. They began with Kasper Schmeichel, Christian Fuchs, Robert Huth, Wes Morgan and Danny Simpson and they ended with the same quintet. Something happened when the calendar flipped to 2016.

Could the Reds mimic that same path to the title this time around? It is possible. But if Chelsea are going to get it done on both sides of the ball, the Reds cannot afford to fall too much behind the Blues in points as they attempt to tighten things at the back.

Wilfried Bony’s alarm clock finally went off last week, scoring his first and second goals for the Potters. If he can regain the form we have seen from him in the past, Stoke should be fun to watch going forward, with Shaqiri and Arnautovic offering their threat out wide and Joe Allen doing his Welsh-Pirlo centrally.

Tottenham are the only undefeated club remaining in the Premier League. However, they haven’t won a single game since the month of September, when they expertly dispatched of Manchester City. Now they just continue to draw, and draw and draw and draw. Spurs went through a similar stretch at this stage last season. But then they began to dominate, and then they collapsed. I just want a reason to consider Christian Eriksen for my fantasy team. Where are you, mate?

If you want to check my Twitter history, you will see that, before the season even began, that I thought Swansea City were in extreme danger of relegation in 2017. Things have played out just as I thought they would. They spent too much money on two strikers that are not seasoned for the English league, when they should have spent prime cash on one experienced players and brought in a cheap serviceable secondary option. Perhaps a combination of Christian Benteke and Leo Ulloa or something like that. Then, they allow two of their best players to be sold, Ashley Williams and Andre Ayew, without finding replacements anywhere near adequate. Hull and Sunderland, despite both winning over the weekend, look like the other two nailed-on clubs for the drop. It is early days but that’s how I see it playing out.

It’s a shame, because I was so happy to see Bob Bradley being given a chance as the first American to manage a Premier League club. But, he has inherited a mess. However, I fully believe he will do everything possible to turn things around, because he wants to stay right where he is. The mess is South Wales is child’s play compared to the mess that has just been dumped on the US. Stay in Wales, Bob. Extend your work visa now. As for me, I am looking at a possible four year stint in Mongolia. I like the climate and I’ve heard good things about their beef.