Written by @CraigHazell – that’s important!

G’Day from Down Under! Apologies for the week off last week. I did actually write a blog but accidentally tipped the Brisbane Roar offence and ended up getting distracted laughing my head off with Ant & Dec Basically I work on I’m A Celebrity, stop asking me about it, I’m not allowed to talk about it. LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!!

ED: Genuinely want to take this opportunity to say congrats to Craig, Tom and Ash at The Gaffer Tapes for their Judges’ Choice award at the FBAs this week. Massively deserved! Ryan

DEFENDER: ASHLEY WILLIAMS, EVERTON

I’ve always felt Ashley Williams would be a gentle lover. And it is for that kind of romanticism I will be picking him as my defensive stalwart this week. That and the fact Swansea look incapable of winning away at Everton. With Lukaku on their minds, they won’t have many chances going forward and it will be a difficult afternoon emotionally for the ex Swans captain but not physically. I think he and his team mates should stroll to a 2-0 or 3-0 win depending on how bothered Big Rom can be.

MIDFIELDER: ROBERTO FIRMINO, LIVERPOOL

With the news that Adam Lallana is a doubt, it means that you can have that little bit more certainty in your other Liverpool midfielders. It’s such a stacked area for Klopp and that leads to him resting on form players out of the blue. With Lallana potentially out the frame it can be a little more reliable. Roberto Firmino has 2 goals in 2 games and is loving life in an advanced role. He’s still only 15% picked despite being the 4th best midfielder in the game (Liverpool have 4 out of the top 8 FYI).

FORWARD: ROMELU LUKAKU, EVERTON

I mentioned him before, I’ll mention him again. It’s Big Rom. Despite the Queen claiming it’s treasonous, he is going to eat some Swans this weekend, in the shape of whatever centre halves Big Bad Bob Bradley picks, particularly if it is the train wreck that is Jordi Amat. If I had a secret sausage team that I didn’t tell anyone about and did mad things with I would triple captain him this week. There, I said it.

CAPTAIN: ALEXIS SANCHEZ, ARSENAL

Alexis Sanchez. “Ooh but Craig, Arsenal are playing United”. If my auntie had bollocks, she’d be my uncle. I say it all the time, big players play in big games. Your workmates, brother-in-law, lovers will panic when they see so called big clubs play each other as if it somehow negates their ability to score points. DO you think Alexis Sanchez is sat at home nervous about Man United? No. The only man nervous about Man United’s performance is Jose Mourinho. Sanch will do the business.

OUTSIDER: HARRY KANE, SPURS

It’s not often I get to pick such a big name or indeed big face here but Harry Kane is still only 5% picked. After his layoff, he came back and netted a penalty in the North London derby and with Son drying up and Janssen still unconvincing then Harry will be thrown right into as many minutes as that overbite can handle. West Ham have ha a mixed season and I think it could be a high scoring thriller, maybe even a 2-2 or 3-3 draw but I’m pretty sure we will see Kane back among the goals. He is not cheap but neither is cheese and we all love cheese. Plus your mates won’t have thought of it. Kane, that is, not cheese. Everyone’s thought of cheese.

Craig Hazell is a television professional, writer and Heart of Midlothian fan who makes up one third of the popular FPL podcast The Gaffer Tapes. As a student, Craig won the BBC Sports Broadcaster and Comedy Broadcaster of the year, before going onto to be a regular on the London open mic comedy circuit. He now writes about anything from TV & Movies, to food and of course football, providing he can shoehorn a 90s pop culture reference into just about anything.

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