Arsenal’s Giroud, Major Tom and That Sinking Feeling

Nov 24

Feeling Fuzzy: Gameweek 12 Review

“Clearly, FPL sucks in the Trump Era”

By @FuzzyWarbles (That’s important)

It would be logical to assume that there is no worse feeling in the world than when you have hit rock bottom.

I beg to differ!!

Coming off of Week 12 playing FPL, I have found a far worse feeling – the feeling after thinking you have hit rock bottom, only to discover that you have even farther to fall.

After dropping 60k in the ranks with my Week 11 performance, I was happy to hit the international break and take my mind off of this silly little game. I got a bit of rest and relaxation, allowing the reality to sink in gradually that the good start I made on the season had been hastily washed away. I entered Week 12 feeling refreshed and optimistic. Simultaneously, I have been doing my best to let another reality sink in, the one where this goofy Trump fella will soon be running the United States. I have to tell you, it has been an extreme test of my coping skills.

Well, my gameweek hit it’s peak an hour before the first touch of the ball. Owning both Alexis Sanchez and Theo Walcott, I was worried over whether both would start, the former being a doubt after extending himself on international duty, the latter who had a baby on the way and could possibly miss out to witness the birth. Upon seeing both included in the XI when team news broke, I embarrassed myself by performing a legitimate fist pump.

Then Arsenal played. They stunk up the joint.

The Gunners attack was completely inept for roughly 88 and a half minutes. No one could get on the ball inside the Manchester United box, no shots on target to be found, no crosses were being completed. Now, I had already prepared myself for disappointing returns here.. Old Trafford has become the place you want to go if you are in the mood to spend a lot of money to watch football matches where nobody ever scores. But, to see a display that ineffective managed to surprise me nonetheless. It is hard enough as it is when you are a Tottenham supporter and you are sitting there hoping to have fantasy success courtesy of players from your archrival club. Then, they go and let you down but the Gunners escape with a point late on…salt on the proverbial wound.

Surely, things will pick up midday. Six matches on the slate, plenty of reason to maintain optimism.

There was no reason for optimism.

Perhaps I exaggerate when I say that around the 10’ mark, it was Watford 2, Leicester 1, the rest of the league 0. Etienne Capoue, who failed in the experiment of using him as a starter in my fantasy team, got back on the score sheet. Well, it was a good thing I had a piece of this action in my fantasy team – a Leicester defender…

But hey, at least I could look forward to what Liverpool will surely do, which is score a goal or three. Philippe Coutinho, after putting a scare into nearly half of all fantasy managers, was able to start and surely would be one of many Reds to provide returns.

Yeah, that didn’t happen.

Ok then, I suppose I can depend on the man I felt deserved to wear the armband in my squad this week, one Romelu Lukaku. Swansea have been the whipping boys for any opponent’s attack in recent times, so at least I can turn to the Belgian for help.

Right, that didn’t happen either.

Ahem, err, well, perhaps I had forgotten one of the common mantras of FPL – Always captain Aguero. Forgive me Kun, for I have sinned. I should have given the armband to you but I will be happy just to get your much-needed and always-dependable production. What will it be then, eh? A brace? Maybe an assist for decent measure? I shouldn’t get too greedy, maybe only 2 BPs today?

I seem to be developing a pattern here.

I didn’t even log onto the FPL page to see how far I dropped in the ranks. Once those midday matches ended, I knew it was going to be a very bad fall. I focused my attention to the reality of Tottenham’s come from behind win over West Ham in the late match, laptop firmly shut. I refrained from logging on Sunday, knowing Eden Hazard alone wasn’t enough to save my bacon. And then of course, the agony needed to be extended for an additional 24 hours and change with the Monday Night affair.

Look, EVERYTHING that could go wrong with my gameweek, did. Just about. I started Tom Heaton while benching Jordan Pickford. While sweating on attacking players in my XI, I would have been thrilled of one of them didn’t play, as Darren Fletcher scored his goal of the season on my bench. The only saving grace was that the four point hit I took, bringing in Hazard and Allan Nyom for Raheem Sterling and Laurent Koscielny, netted a profit. In fact, Hazard and Nyom were the ONLY two players in my XI to score anything beyond appearance points. In that respect, I did everything right. I deserve a pat on the back.

pat-on-back

My FPL team is in shambles. I dropped 110k in the ranks in one week. The first week of FPL in the Trump-to-be-President era has been a disaster, and I would imaging it serves as a glimpse of the disaster that is to come out of Washington, D.C. over the next four years.

Oh please, let it only be four.

I would like to say “Hey, at least it cannot get any worse” but I already played that chip last week. Five red arrows in the last six weeks folks and 170k places dropped in the last two after ending the first six weeks with an overall rank of 12k.

Ground Control to Major Tom: Your circuit’s dead. There’s something wrong.

Can you hear me, Major Tom?