60 minute matches and Gareth Bale for £6m ??

When @SamsonMcMuffin asked to write a guest post on Fantasy Football, I was thinking tactics, player selection, captaincy choices etc… Instead – He took over World Football as we know it and has laid out his template to revolutionise the game in about 600 words.. Impressive!!

Read on and drop a comment below if you agree, disagree or simply want McMuffin locked up! #FY

We are now only weeks away until the Premier League restarts and there is a feeling that this could be a very special year with many sides throwing their hat in the ring for a title challenge, but what can we do to make this coming season even better? Well, I am now in charge of world football.

Thank you, thank you, no autographs etc. I can unquestionably do a better job than Blatter, right?

Sepp

So here are my immediate changes to the sport we love…

-A match is now 60 minutes long, just 30 minutes each way, but the clock will stop each time the ball is not in play. No more Fergie time, Sir Alex must have envisaged this rule change, hence his retirement. Anyway. No more time wasting!

-Meaningless international friendly games half way across the globe have been scrapped and the Home Nations Cup has been brought back. It should have always been an annual requirement. The mini tournament is over two weeks.

-Not that it has happened, but just to guarantee expectations; absolutely no Premier league game will ever be played outside of this country.

-Private agents are no more, banished from football with immediate affect. All agents are now licensed representatives from the PFA, and they will gain no commission from deals.

-Transfer, wage AND bonus caps on all clubs who charge more than £25 to their own fans to watch their beloved teams play.

-75% of all games across a weekend are now Saturday 3pm kick offs. It’s tradition people.

law

-Players who are found guilty of diving will serve 3 match bans. Retrospective action will also take place. What’s that? Bale is now worth £6m on fantasy football? Yikes.

-The name has been changed from Football to Feetball. No player should be incapable of using both feet. That includes you Snodgrass.

-Sin bin for abuse of officials. 15 minutes time out for naughty boys, who can’t act like adults.

Keep Calm

-Fans are only permitted to support a team that is within 45 minutes of where they grew up. No exceptions.

-The League Cup has been revamped, players have to be of home grown nationality only and it has been renamed to the Brian Clough Cup for the greatest manager England never had.

-World Cup and Euro Qualifiers…. smaller nations who haven’t got out their own half during the last two decades now have their own pre-qualifying process … San Marino, Faroe Islands, Andorra and Scotland. Only joking northern neighbours.

-One fan preferably a season ticket holder, will be drawn at random before every game, they will then get to watch the game pitch side in a Jacuzzi and beers on ice.

Jacuzzi

-Referees are now hooked up to mics so we can here exactly what is being said, works in rugby. Will improve respect.

-Penalty shoot outs are no more; instead, an attacker will start at the half way line and will try to beat a defender and then the goalkeeper. Not just 5 players, everyone has to have a go including the keeper, and defenders have to be rotated too.

Henry

-Third party ownership of players has been abolished. It is just not right. Falcao to Monaco has been cancelled as well.

-No competition can use the ‘away goals rule’. We cannot have teams winning ties unless they have scored more than the opposition. How have we let this go on so long?

-The Premier League now has an end of season play off for the fourth Champions League spot. 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th are all involved. Arsenal, you now have the chance to celebrate an actual trophy.

-Keepers are now at least eight times larger than they were in 1935, therefore the width and height of the goal posts have been increased by 10%, which is just under a metre. Let’s see more goals!

Fact(Editor Note: Not Factual in the slightest)

There you have it… let me know what you agree with and what you don’t, but more importantly, what would you change if you were in charge of football?

@samsonmcmuffin

The FantasyYIRMA.com Mini-League is now open for new entries – Click the Logo below for more information on how to join and read about our increased prize pot of £100 for the winner!!

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Posted on July 31, 2013, in Player Selection and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Loved some of the points. The Snodgrass comment made me laugh out loud. Look forward to your next article.

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