Welcome back!! It’s been a great summer of sport but let’s be honest. There’s only so many hours you can watch handball in Rio or cricket, anywhere, and pretend it makes you happy. Sure, FPL is an abusive relationship and you’re pretty sure it will never change but it’s better than the alternative so bring on the misery!

DEFENDER: Hector Bellerin, Arsenal

For any new readers to FantasyYIRMA, I assure you I normally pick a few differential players, and look into upcoming fixtures and form but let’s not mess about. You need a defender, you’re going to spend some money, let’s just put Hector Bellerin in now and be done with it. We don’t need to tease, I’m not Simon Cowell and 31% of you already agree with me. Bellerin was an FPL beast last year, scoring 172 points and I just sold him for £93m on Football Manager. I know neither of those things are real but they make me happier than anything in my life. I love you Hector and I’m glad to have you back.

MIDFIELDER: GERARD DEULOFEU, EVERTON

I’ve toiled making my midfielder pick and it’s only week one, which is a bit worrying. I think it’s because I genuinely think we could have a huge list of high scorers this season. I can’t see past KDB for top scoring midfielder this season and I think we will see big improvements for Adam Lallana and Erik Lamela but my week 1 pick will be for Gerard Duelofeu at Everton. Rumour has it that he has been operating in an advanced number 10 role in pre-season and standing over a lot of free kicks. He clearly has mercurial talent and has shown in glimpses what a great FPL pick he can be but he could be the headstart you are looking for this season. Spurs at home isn’t the nicest of starts but the 4.2% picked statistic is enough to tempt me.

FORWARD: SHANE LONG, SOUTHAMPTON

I find the big guns pretty appealing when it comes to forwards. Of course, I will be including Sergio Aguero in my team whenever possible and I will be keeping a close eye on Zlatan to see if he justifies the 11.5m price tag but that’s not why you read this blog. In fact, why do you read this blog? Not now, Craig. (ED..typically Clickbait SEO…and of course your flair for painting pictures with your well thought out words) Southampton currently only have 2 strikers registered in the game. The increasingly brittle but talented Charlie Austin and the ever improving Shane Long. With Pelle now in China, counting his shekels, Long has a real opportunity to be the main man at St.Mary’s. Austin will of course feature but I think 6.5m is a decent price for Long and will still give you the room for one or even two marquee strikers. He ended the season with 3 goals in his last 5 and Watford at home opening day could be a lot worse.

CAPTAIN: RIYAD MAHREZ, LEICESTER

This time last year, I had to change my twitter bio to call myself and FPL Dickhead after boldly claiming Depay would easily outscore Chadli on opening day. I was wrong. I’ve been wrong since and I will be wrong again. There’s a motivational first blog for you. Captain is simple for me this time round. If Riyadh Mahrez is still at Leicester on Saturday then give him the armband. The bookies have priced Leicester ridiculously long against a very average Hull. I can’t see the Tigers staying up this year and Mahrez has looked as good as ever in his appearances pre-season. I’m not sure how many more games he will play for the champions but hopefully this is one.

OUTSIDER: SALOMON RONDON, WEST BROM

I got bored reading Harry Potter. Some stories are just too long and none longer than Harry Potter and the Indecisive Striker. If Saido Berahino was in those books, he would still be sat on his arse, with a sorting hat on his brain, trying to work out what house he is in. You’re a Slytherin mate, deal with it! It’s all become a bit untenable for Saido at West Brom and that leaves Rondon as the primary goal threat at the Hawthorns. He notched a respectable 9 goals last year and I can only see him surpassing his 113 points from last year. He’s 2.5% picked and again leaves you cash for Aguero and/or Zlatan.

Written by @CraigHazell

 You can also listen to Craig, Tom and Ash on their Fantasy Football Podcast – The Gaffer Tapes

Craig Hazell is a television professional, writer and Heart of Midlothian fan who makes up one third of the popular FPL podcast The Gaffer Tapes. As a student, Craig won the BBC Sports Broadcaster and Comedy Broadcaster of the year, before going onto to be a regular on the London open mic comedy circuit. He now writes about anything from TV & Movies, to food and of course football, providing he can shoehorn a 90s pop culture reference into just about anything.

Check out The Gaffer Tapes Podcast Here