Hazard, Walcott, Aguero and no mention of Harry Styles


Written by @CraigHazell – (that’s important!)




As my Gaffer Tapes co-host said, if it gets a little chilly then pop the Heat-on. Tom Heaton, that is (it’s a very high brow podcast). He’s been a very safe pair of hands between the sticks this season and while Burnley have an appalling away record, it was one of the few picks that weren’t blindingly obvious to you. You don’t need me to tell you a Spurs or United defender might be good this week but Heaton has probably occupied a few people’s benches this season when he may have had more gametime. Boro, of course have to throw the kitchen sink at Burnley at the Riverside and they may well breach Heaton’s goal but he isn’t scared of bonus points or saves points and I can see a combination of those three possibilities.

Ed: Yes Tom Heaton is a Goalkeeper. Yes I am aware of the fact that a Goalkeeper has been included as a defender here. I want you to take a deep breath. I want you to move on. Yes – I’m talking about you! You know who you are.




Harry Kane’s absence has meant increased time on the pitch for Heung Min Son and rightly so. He’s a tremendous player and would add quality to any squad in the Premier League. Pocchetino has used him just about enough to keep him happy and more importantly productive, as he would command 90 minutes for almost any other side in the league. The beauty of all this is, of course, that he is listed as a midfielder and Vincent Janssen is horsesh*t. Spurs have impressively proved they can grind out results without their main man up top and Son’s 2 goals in 2 games (one an 18 minute cameo and one a 90 minute performance) prove he is going to be the man to bridge the gap before Kane returns and they finally try to finish above Arsenal. It’s happening, right?




It’s been a while since he has been mentioned but Sergio Aguero has bizarrely gone unnoticed for the most part this FPL season. I recently discovered that I was the only person in my 7 team mini league to pick the City striker and I can’t think of a time in the last 4 years when that would have been a reality. More fool them I say, he has 4 goals in 5 games and if you have him, you don’t miss the money. Especially with options like King, Son, Sterling and Walcott offering cheaper alternatives in the midfield. It used to be a case of having to have Aguero to not lose ground on your rivals but now you can genuinely make headway on them while they can’t find a way to work him this late in the season. And if we know Sergio then he could be about to bang in another 7 or 8 goals before the season ends.

CAPTAIN: Eden Hazard, Chelsea

Any other season and Eden Hazard would be up at 40-50% picked but for some reason he levels out at 28%. Behind Lukaku and Sanchez he is the third highest scorer in the game and he comes at 1.8m cheaper than Sanchez which makes you wonder whether the extra 20 points makes it financially worth it. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Hazard overturn that 20 point deficit in the season run in, even with Arsenal’s games in hand. 2 goals last week gave Hazard the headlines he deserved and a match with Bournemouth this week could turn into a goalfest, as the Cherries have previous.

OUTSIDER: Theo Walcott, Arsenal


That whiny little unfulfilled scrote Theo Walcott is the controversial outsider pick this week. He has 2 goals in 2 games and those who have him probably benefit from FPL players avoiding Arsenal like the plague due to them being such a horrendous trainwreck. But that won’t stop players scoring points. If you’ve got Sanchez then of course you will probably steer clear of having two carriages of said train wreck but if not then there’s no reason Walcott can’t pick up some point for a pretty decent price.



Craig Hazell is a television professional, writer and Heart of Midlothian fan who makes up one third of the popular FPL podcast The Gaffer Tapes. As a student, Craig won the BBC Sports Broadcaster and Comedy Broadcaster of the year, before going onto to be a regular on the London open mic comedy circuit. He now writes about anything from TV & Movies, to food and of course football, providing he can shoehorn a 90s pop culture reference into just about anything.

Check out The Gaffer Tapes Podcast Here


Posted on 7 Apr 2017, in Player Selection and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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