Fantasy Premier League: Gameweek 32 Review Written by @NiallHawthorne There’s one life lesson that we should all pay heed to: If an Austrian man nicknamed ‘Arnie’ has a grudge against you, then be afraid…be very afraid. He could be a cyborg from the future looking to destroy/save the past/future (I’ll be honest, I was young […]
If you didn’t have Liverpool’s Salah give up on Fantasy Football
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Fantasy Premier League: Gameweek 31 Review Written by @NiallHawthorne With just four matches taking place in GW31, the word ‘strategy’ was used frequently among the FPL community this week. Some had been planning for this for weeks, strategically bringing in rubbish (sorry) limited players from teams such as Crystal Palace, Bournemouth and Huddersfield with this […]
Are Liverpool the Only Premier League Club Playing This Week??
Gameweek 31 Preview: Fantasy Premier League #FPL Written by John Wallin @FantasyGaffer You may have heard, there is now a podcast as Bang Average in addition to this column; with John, Ryan and Mike talking all formats of #FPL. Go and subscribe…this will still be here when you get back. There are just four matches […]
Fantasy Premier League: Gameweek 30 Review
Written by @NiallHawthorne
Regular readers of this column will know that I am firmly of the belief that this game of FPL trolls us, in a myriad of ways, and with no sense of justice or fairness. (Ed: Correct, I am well aware) It’s almost certainly a complex Russian algorithm designed to drive over 5,000,000 of the global population to drink. Combine that with the Russian algorithms that got Trump elected, Brexit passed and Paddington 2 to be ignored for the Oscars, and it’s clear that the ‘Beast from the East’ is not a bloody snowstorm.
Kane picked up 1 point and 1 injury. Aguero injured in training. Salah was crushed under the Mourinho bus. Chelsea clean sheet disappeared in the last minute. Davies not in the squad…As I stood on the ledge of the highest building in Cork I realised that I now know how those traders on Wall Street feel when the market crashes. However I also realised that I have a Free Hit and Triple Captain chip to play, so I’m still here ready to fight on.
Incredibly it’s one of the best weeks of the season for the quantity of players that hit double figures – a whopping 16 players scored 10 points or more. However just 4 of those players had ownership of more than 10%. Damn you Moscow!
David Silva had been absent in recent months due to the premature birth of his child, which as absence notes go is a bloody decent excuse. Genuine thoughts to the family and hopefully things have worked out well in that situation, for David has returned to the Man City team with gusto, and his 16 point haul at The Britannia has brought his team to within 6 points of the title. He’s matched on that points total by Kenedy, the young Brazilian on loan from Chelsea. What’s that I hear you say? Young, talented and not getting a game for Chelsea? He’s the next De Bruyne! Salah! Lukaku! Well he did a decent impression of them this week with 2 goals and 3 bonus points.
I’m not saying that Arsenal have been in poor form, but Barnet (bottom of League 2 with 7 league wins) asked for a behind closed doors practice game to boost their players morale. People see that win over AC Milan as a sign that Arsenal still possess quality, and perhaps they do, but you should remember that AC Milan are playing Fabio Borini at right-back these days, so y’know…Anyway, a friend of mine is in a tight race in his FPL mini-league and took a punt this week when be brought in Peter Cech to face Watford. He was handsomely rewarded with a 15 point haul thanks to a clean sheet and a first ever penalty save at The Emirates. I asked my buddy how that left things in his mini-league and his response said it all: ‘Cech, mate’.
Chris Wood of Burnley scored 2 goals, provided an assist and picked up 3 bonus points, all in the space of 29 second half minutes at The London Stadium. You might think that’s impressive, but you should realise that one of those goals was assisted by West Ham fans invading the pitch, and the other was straight from a corner kick taken from the centre circle. To say things got out of hand on Saturday afternoon is an understatement.
There were tense scenes as a large group of people gathered in front of Lady Brady looking for an improvement in their lives, something to give them hope for the future…but that’s all I can tell you about the next series of The Apprentice. She then went to watch West Ham play and you know the rest.
Finally the South Korean bid for World Domination (see last week’s column) continued as Son scored twice and racked up another 15 points. It’s rumoured that he’ll lead the ‘peace talks’ between Trump and Kim Jong-Un where he’ll immediately raise the average IQ by 147 points. There’s nothing that this boy can’t do.
Henrik Mkhitaryan scored 13 points as he continues to forge an impressive looking partnership with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. Now it just took me 4 minutes to type that sentence so if these two do become a goal-scoring/assist-giving double act of note, than I propose nicknames. I’m open to suggestions, and you should send all ideas to @FantasyYIRMA, but I’ll start with Mickey and the PEA.
He was joined on this points total by Serge Aurier who is the FPL equivalent of Russian Roulette. Sure, there’s a chance he’ll grab you points (26 in the last 3 games) but you just know he’s likely to deliver a red card at any minute. The perfect choice for those thrill-seekers out there.
Honourable mentions now for Mustafi, Baines, Rashford, Mahrez, Iheanacho, Shelvey (!), Alli, Willian and Iborra, but I don’t have the time and you don’t have the patience.
Onto our Villains Of The Week, and a strong group this time featuring four players in negative points territory. Young Jordan Ayew has caught the eye of 11.7% of FPL Players as he represents pretty good value for money…until this week when he was sent off after 10 minutes. -2 points for many of us who were also reeling from the Kane/Aguero/Salah/Davies debacle. Cheers Jordan, great timing!
Anthony Knockaert joined Ayew in the red card crucible at Goodison Park to grab himself -1 point and complete a pretty miserable day for the Seagulls. You know you’re having a bad day when you have two players in negative points territory and you’re only playing Everton! Joining his fellow ‘Gull’ is Gaetan Bong who grabbed an own goal to ‘earn’ his -1 point. He must have been dreading the Monday morning review from Chris Hughton. After all, the Seagulls had been flying so ‘high’. I’ll let you work that gag out yourself….
Finally we have Martin Kelly of Crystal Palace, singularly the unluckiest professional footballer playing today. I’m not even talking about his own goal at Stamford Bridge that condemned his side to another defeat and earned him -1 point. I’m talking about the fact that on two separate occasions he’s been at a club which has brought in Roy Hodgson as manager.
And nobody deserves that….
Written by Niall Hawthorne.
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Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.
Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com.
You can read more from him also on twitter at @NiallHawthorne
His views are his own, because quite simply nobody else would have them!
There are NO Arsenal Defenders in this article!!
Gameweek 30 Preview: Fantasy Premier League #FPL Written by Niall Hawthorne @NiallHawthorne ED: Regular Preview Writer @FantasyGaffer has been benched this week after a string of previews where he picked multiple Arsenal defenders… Not Really…he’s back next week 🙂 Hi! I’m @NiallHawthorne, and you might remember me from such @FantasyYIRMA blogs as ALL the Gameweek […]
The Wrong Silva Lining? Plus Man United, Arsenal and Donald Trump
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Fantasy Premier League: Gameweek 28/29 Review Written by @NiallHawthorne Due to the inclement weather, along with the inclement* fixture list that put the last game of GW 28 on a Thursday bloody night, this is a review of GW’s 28 & 29 for your perusal. Larne FC’s Irish Cup quarter final match up against Ballymena […]
WARNING: Arsenal Player Selected in Preview
Gameweek 29 Preview: Fantasy Premier League #FPL Written by John Wallin @FantasyGaffer Written by @FantasyGaffer You may have heard, there is now a podcast as Bang Average in addition to this column; with John, Ryan and Mike talking all formats of #FPL. Go and subscribe…this will still be here when you get back. […]
Manchester United’s Paul Pogba or Burnley’s Gudmundsson??
Gameweek 28 Preview: Fantasy Premier League #FPL Written by John Wallin @FantasyGaffer Written by @FantasyGaffer You may have heard, there is now a podcast as Bang Average in addition to this column; with John, Ryan and Mike talking all formats of #FPL. Go and subscribe…this will still be here when you get back. #FPL […]
Sergio Aguero, Dodgy Assists and Nipple Tweaking Celebratory Shame
Fantasy Premier League: Gameweek 27 Review Written by @NiallHawthorne This game mocks us all. Gameweek 27 will be remembered in FPL seasons to come as the week when most mini-leagues swung decisively, one way or t’other. While the average score for the week was 61 points (2nd highest this season behind the 62 point average […]
Can Arsenal’s Aubameyang and Chelsea’s Giroud Hit the Ground Running?
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Gameweek 26 Preview: Fantasy Premier League #FPL Written by John Wallin @FantasyGaffer Written by @FantasyGaffer You may have heard, there is now a podcast as Bang Average as this column; with John, Ryan and Mike talking all formats of #FPL. Go and subscribe, this will still be here when you get back. The best part […]