Gameweek 20 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne The debate about how best to handle the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic rumbles on almost a year after it began. It’s only now that the UK and Ireland have decided that it might be a good idea to stop thousands of people flying into the country and wandering freely […]
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Fantasy Football Preview: Gameweek 21 – Arsenal, Leicester and Fulham
Written by Mr. @NiallHawthorne
If you’re like me and struggling with FPL in this madcap season, I observed something this week that made me realise that it’s perfectly acceptable to deviate from the ‘norm’ and see the game or even the world in a different way. (This does not apply to anti-vaxxers though, they’re just morons).
My son was on his school Zoom call and his teacher was running a scavenger hunt, where she would name something that the kids would need to find in their home and hold up in front of the camera. She said, ‘right shoe’ and all my son’s classmates took off their shoes to wave at teacher. My son calmly scribbled something on a piece of paper, his shoelaces remaining firmly tied. Puzzled, I stopped to see what he was doing, and then I saw it.
He wrote ‘shoe’ on his paper and held it up to the camera.
I’m still trying to work out if that means he’s going to grow up to be Albert Einstein or Danny Dyer, but either way it reminded me that we all don’t see things in the same way. Throw blueprints and templates out of the window, take a -4 or -8 if you feel like it, and leave £8m in the bank because you don’t want to spend it.
Onto GW21!
Defender: Oleksandr Zinchenko, Manchester City
As Manchester City start their cruise to another Premier League title, their defence has been sensational in recent weeks. Just two goals conceded in their last eleven games is sensational form and makes a City defender a must have.
As per my intro to this week’s column, I’m going to try and do things differently, and therefore I’m plucking for the 0.4% owned Zinchenko ahead of Dias, Cancelo and Stones. A home game to Sheffield United is a slam dunk easy home win with a clean sheet nailed on too. Sheffield United are rock bottom and absolute bobbins. No team leading the league would lose at home to them!
Midfielder: James Maddison, Leicester City
I tipped Raheem Sterling for the midweek games, and an eleven-point haul duly followed. You’re welcome.
This week Leicester City welcome Leeds United to the King Power Stadium, as they try and continue their title charge following a hard-fought point at Everton in midweek. Maddison has been in sensational form recently, and in the absence of Jamie Vardy in the short term, he’ll be looking to step up.
While Leeds have three clean sheets in recent weeks, they came against Burnley, West Brom and Brighton, so….y’know. The attacking threat posed by Leicester City should be a totally different ball game here, and Maddison will be leading the charge.
Forward: Alexandre Lacazette, Arsenal
I do wish Arsenal would make up their mind as to what they are this season. Banter club or top four bankers? Is Arteta the man to lead them to the glory land, or a Fraudiola acolyte? Is their defence bobbins or rock solid?
While youngsters Saka and Smith-Rowe have been grabbing headlines, the oft-derided Alexandre Lacazette has been quietly notching eight goals already this season and is now leading the line in the absence of Aubameyang.
A home game against January Premier League Champions Manchester United awaits this weekend in a fixture that could answer some questions, but in all likelihood, will throw up many more.
Captain: Dominic Calvert-Lewin, Everton
Seven games without a goal in the league for DCL, but he scored eleven in eleven before that, and he’s playing Newcastle United this weekend. Everton sit in seventh position right now but if they win their two games in hand on those above them, could be joint-third and a point behind Manchester United.
Normally even making a point like that would mean instant derision and giggling in my direction, but Everton are managed by Don Carlo Ancelotti, so they cannot be taken lightly.
DCL to bag a brace. You read it here first.
Outsider: Bobby Decordova-Reid, Fulham
Owned by just 1% of players, under £6m and away to Big Sam’s West Bromwich Albion who have a home defensive record as impressive as Alexander Boris De Pfeffel Johnson’s handling of a global pandemic.
Shambolic.
Your move…
Fantasy Football Gameweek 19: Make Mine A DOUBLE
Jan 15
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The Gameweek 19 Preview Written by @NiallHawthorne We’ve finally made it to the halfway point of this frankly bizarre season that will no doubt, when the history books are written, have more asterisks next to it than the memoirs of the 45th President of The United States (which is nailed on to be a […]
We approach blank GW18 during blank January at the start of what looks like being blank 2021. At time of writing, some games are still scheduled but could be scrapped just hours before kick-off.
The President of the United States is trying to overthrow his own government, constitution and society, while almost every country on earth is bemoaning the slow rollout of vaccinations that will restore normality to the planet.
It seems to me that we could all use a Free Hit chip this week for our lives, not FPL.
Onto GW18!
Defender: Kieran Tierney, Arsenal
Gary Neville may proclaim that nobody grew up wanting to be Gary Neville, but how else do you explain the absolute plethora of class full-backs in British football these days?
England have more quality right-backs than they have Pfizer vaccines. Scotland have two genuinely amazing left-backs at the same time. Poor Kieran Tierney must be cursing his luck to have emerged at the same time as his national team captain and arguably the world’s greatest left-back Andy Robertson.
Whether this happened because of, or despite, Gary Neville, the good thing for FPL players is that they all play for different Premier League teams. Tierney has two clean sheets in a row and faces home fixtures against a Crystal Palace side who have drawn four blanks on the road this season, and Newcastle United who are starting to play Andy Carroll up front.
Oh, and he’s decent going forward too.
Midfielder: Heung-Min Son, Tottenham Hotspur
(DISCLAIMER – This match no longer exists but Spurs now play Fulham so we’re sticking with it)
This is the game that is seemingly under the most threat of a postponement but seeing as the Premier League are making up the rules as they go along, and Jose Mourinho is far scarier than Dean Smith, there’s every chance that Spurs will face a second game in a week against an opponent they can steamroller in their sleep.
The Villa kids gave a fine account of themselves against Liverpool on Friday night, but ran out of steam after half time, and I reckon their little legs will still be gone if forced into action midweek. Heung-Min Son could do terrible, terrible damage to them.
So, you should probably own him, just in case.
Forward: Edison Cavani, Manchester United
I was going to tip Dominic Calvert-Lewin this week as he faces a Wolves side who haven’t kept a clean sheet for ten consecutive league games, amazingly. He’s also trying to come out of his biggest slump this season, stretching back an almost staggering two games without a goal or assist. The fraud.
However, the Burnley v Manchester United match intrigues me. I know many Free Hitters will be looking to triple-up on United assets, but here’s your word of warning – Since Ben Mee returned to the team following injury, Burnley have conceded a grand total of three goals in nine games when Mee and Pope have been together in defence. They’ve faced teams such as Everton, Villa, Wolves and Leeds in that time, teams who have an ability to put the ball in the back of the net with reasonable regularity.
So, I see this game being a bit more of a struggle than some might think. However, it’s United, so Cavani will come off the bench and win it in the 87th minute. Nailed. On.
Captain: Kevin De Bruyne, Manchester City
KDB racked up his fourth double-digit haul against Chelsea last time out, then spent the weekend tormenting Birmingham City like a tabby cat playing with a shrew.
Brighton tend to concede more than one goal against ‘Top 6’ opposition this season (with one notable exception against Liverpool), and they went the full 120 minutes plus spotters against Newport County at the weekend. Hardly the ideal preparation for the run-around they’re going to get at The Etihad.
As a result, it may take until the 60th minute, but I fully expect KDB to haul big against Graham Potters men.
Outsider: Dwight Gayle, Newcastle United
Who fancies one of my patented 0% owned FPL returns? It’s time for another I think, to make it four in less than half a season.
Dwight Gayle away to Sheffield United will score or assist. You heard it here first.
Your move….
Written by Niall Hawthorne.
Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!
Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.
Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com
Off the back of the release of FPL’s least requested annual jingle
(Which actually the YIRMA boys smashed it with a banger single!)
I thought, scrap the crap graphics lads, raps are simple right?
So here’s GW16’s review titled, “Jack’s Kryptonite”
I’ve been a bit crap in FPL, but today I’ll preach a sermon
Ain’t much difference between my approach besides this time I keep returning
Maybe it’s because I pick United players, yeah yeah, I see people smirking
The last few years it’s defeated me but this season it’s working!
Crystal Palace 1-1 Leicester
For Palace there was nothing greater than a save from Guaita
The penalty saviour & 2 bonus point taker
Saved the day from Ihenacho’s lazy spot kick
Since Vardy was benched which was a shame because he’d have got it.
The Foxes had 17 shots to Palace’s 4, but they couldn’t hit a barn door
The match ended equal, after Zaha and Barnes scored
Leicester need to ensure they don’t start poor up in Teesside
Their form is dropping and need wins on the board, so they don’t fall behind!
Chelsea 1-1 Aston Villa
Some said this season Chelsea will show up…that’s what the talk was about
But now sit 6th with one win in 6 which isn’t nothing to talk about!
It’s awkward how it’s Giroud who scored, Werner’s awful now
I’m sure the board are talking about how to force him out
Meanwhile Villa are flying, 5th in the league deceives the eyes
Cash assisted pass to the back was a gift for El Ghazi to equalize.
Grealish still with kids shin pads is gifted, we all now believe the hype
With the January window open let’s see who’s got the P’s to buy.
Note/ This is harder than it seems.
I think Niall is way smarter than me…
Brighton 0-1 Arsenal
Despite the farcical start from Arsenal they beat Brighton
2 wins on the bounce but still in 13th is hardly exciting
But Arteta’s heart can calm for a second, fixtures are quite enticing
Pending they actually start, Saka & Laca are mighty inviting!
Brighton are hovering above relegation; they’re going down all day
They haven’t any goal threat at all besides Maupay
Stay clear of them in FPL there’s really no more to say
If you still have Lamptey then FPL really isn’t your forte.
Burnley 1-0 Sheffield Utd
In GW16 I broke into the top 10k OR with a GW score of 60
A quarter of my score (15) was delivered all because I picked Mee
Interest in him will rise quickly, 5 returns in 9 games.
Next up is a home match to Fulham is all I’m saying…
The Blades are blunt, just 2 points from 16 games is crap
We don’t own any of their players in FPL I know that for a fact.
If you do, then it’s Brewster, and that’s just to save cash
He’ll be 3rd place in your subs bench and that’s where he’ll stay, last.
Southampton 0-0 West Ham
Anyone else getting bored of this?
Well, this one ended scoreless
Despite the return of Ings
He did nothing in 90 mins
Clean sheets awarded all round though
Hopefully earning a few of you green arrows
Fixtures are now naff for the Saints
So you’d better have an exit plan in place.
(worst one yet…. reaches towards the whisky cabinet for “inspiration” …BRB)
West Brom 0-5 Leeds
So we all have Bamford, see 5-0 and get all elated
Until we realise all he did was assisted 2 and with FPL points only bagged 8
He was outperformed by Alioski and Dallas at the back
Both scoring 12 points with returns in attack
West Brom are looking naff, only player over 1% owned is Button
And he hasn’t even played one minute, zero, nothing!
But if you’re looking for differentials, let me tell you something
They’ve got Arsenal next, so expect West Brom to give the Gunners a thumping!
Man Utd 1-0 Wolves
Here’s my secret, my kryptonite from every season past
I pick many United players because I support them, regardless of the stats
My heart tells me they’ll bang, even when my head tells me they’re naff
But for once, this season, looks like I’m having the last laugh
Everyone has Bruno, he’s the elite FPL commodity to own right?
But I also have Sir Rashford who’s been under the radar for time
7 goals so far, Bruno 10, United are now surprisingly in form
Although Villa next, Liverpool soon so we don’t know what we’re in for
Newcastle 0-0 Liverpool
Liverpool drew, the other 19 team fans erupted as the league isn’t theirs (yet)
Teams will now park the bus against Klopp and couldn’t really care less
FPL clean sheets were a bonus though, a let off if you had them
For most with Salah we’re still puzzled why he couldn’t make anything happen
It’s a blip, Liverpool are too good & Klopp’s men will soon click into action
Although saying that, Southampton next so expect Danny Ings to bag then
You’ll keep hold of Salah, you may even own Mane but sure as hell you wont sack them
But my top tip for 2021. In Manchester RED is the colour in fashion!
Dear god…Why did I do that? (sorry everyone!)
Happy New Year!
I type these words on the final day of 2020. It can sod off forever.
I also type these words as matches are being postponed with just three hours’ notice, so Caveat Emptor and all that. (No, he doesn’t play right back for Fulham, it means buyer beware). Just rest assured that if matches are called off lastminute.com that my tip would have absolutely smashed it.
Onto GW17!
Defender: Ezgjan Alioski, Leeds United
Casuals among you may not realise this but last year’s Lord Lundstram has been replaced by this year’s Stuart ‘JR’ Dallas, a cheap defender playing way up the pitch and delivering goals, assists and clean sheets aplenty.
However, I’m here to get you ahead of the game, so I’m pointing you towards the other rampaging defender in this hilariously fun Leeds United team, the North Macedonian international has two goals and five clean sheets since cementing his spot from GW8 onwards.
He’s £0.3m cheaper and has an ownership of 12% less than his Southfork dwelling mate.
This week they play Spurs at lunchtime on Saturday. Spurs have developed a nasty habit of forgetting that they’re allowed score more than once in a game, with Harry Kane on a run of three blanks. That’s probably because he’s now dropping so deep he’s wearing the keeper’s gloves.
Midfielder: Gylfi Sigurdsson, Everton
The man. The myth. The legend.
Many of us fondly remember the Gylfi Sigurdsson who plundered nine goals and 13 assists in one season, or the Gylfi Sigurdsson who romped home with thirteen goals and six assists in another season.
He may be back, and only 1.8% of FPL players own him. He also costs less than £7m and faces a West Ham side looking decidedly ‘Moyesey’ in recent weeks. Carlo Ancelotti has found a role for Sigurdsson further up the pitch.
Time to jump on the bandwagon?
Forward: Jamie Vardy, Leicester City
This pick is based on the one certain rule of football and FPL:
The game after a goalkeeper has an unexpected worldie, he’s going to turn to jelly the very next game.
Karl Darlow was sensational against Liverpool, much to this writer’s chagrin, but I reckon Vardy will be off his face on Blue WKD and Smarties after being benched last time out and will haul. Bigly.
Captain: Bruno Fernandes, Manchester United
Ten goals. Eight assists. Seven double digit hauls. All in just fifteen appearances. It’s outrageous really. Manchester United are in a title fight, much to the astonishment of absolutely everyone.
So, I’m doing what any principled FPL writer that supports Liverpool would do. I’m tipping him as Captain in the firm hope that my quite astonishing FPL juju this season rubs off on him. If it works I’m tipping him as Captain every damn week.
Send all complaints to FantasyYIRMA, FantasyYIRMA towers, Bite Me Boulevard, Co. Kiss My Arse. Postcode: L0 5ER
Outsider: Gabriel Martinelli, Arsenal
Martinelli is the big hope down at the Emirates, and has been for quite some time. For me, he’s the undiscovered diamond in FPL. Costing just £4.9m and owned by less than 1% (including yours truly), he has started the last two matches, and is a forward categorised as a midfielder on FPL in my eyes. At the very least he’s an enabler for your squad, but I reckon he could be what many idiots (including yours truly) thought Rhian Brewster was going to be.
Your move….
Written by Niall Hawthorne.
Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!
Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.
Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com
Fantasy Football: Boxing Day Preview
Dec 24
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Written by @NiallHawthorne This Christmas I want you to stop for a while To think of those who best make you smile Your family, your friends, when you captain Vardy New people we met back when we could party And realise no matter what tier you are in Or how the latest lockdown can get […]
Fantasy Football: Five Festive Hints
Dec 18
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FPLHINTS’ Five Festive Hints Written by @FPLHints Before I say something that masquerades as advice on how to navigate the annual assortment of Premier League matches with short turnaround times, I need to provide full disclosure. DISCLAIMER From an FPL perspective, I’ve never done well during this time of the year and in some ways […]
Gameweek 8 Preview: Chelsea, Spurs and Far, Far Too Much Donald Trump
Nov 6
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Written by Niall Hawthorne. At the time of typing it looks like, but is not yet confirmed, that Trumpel Racistskin will be booted out of the White House when all the votes have been counted (That’s correct you moronic tango-skinned sweat stain, you’re supposed to count ALL the votes, not just yours). While it’s is […]
Forget The Presidential Election: Gameweek 7 Review
Nov 5
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A World War Two classic match, the French painter Genskof, Roy Hodgson’s bedtime drink of choice & much more! Let’s review GW7 for all its goals, VARsical decisions and I believe Arsenal had a game? Written by @JackAGoodwin in a timely fashion Wolves 2-0 Crystal Palace 5ft 4 Daniel Podence and new chap Rayan Ait-Nouri […]
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