The Week Palace & Newcastle Bantered United & Spurs out of 3 Points.

#FPL GW3 Review by @JackAGoodwin

Truly no clue, have we?

Weeks, maybe even months worth of planning and anticipation have led to this moment. Head in hands, raging at every decision we didn’t make in our preparations for the fantasy season ahead. We’ve reached our nadir at least; the only way now is up.

Of all the parameters we set ourselves, flexibility in transfers, budget, spread of teams. Three weeks in and we’ve fluffed it. Stavan Limbadia is the only one with a game plan, let’s all be like Stavan shall we. He is currently top of the FantasyYIRMA Bang Average League and #45 globally – he is, Stavan the Man!

HUGE shout out to the rogue manager, aptly named “Malcolm X”. He sits bottom of the YIRMA league (6.3millionth overall) with a quite astonishing overall score so far of -152. That’s right, Malcolm is on a damn mission to transfer himself into oblivion this season, GW3 alone he took a minus 144pt hit to make 37 transfers. Let’s not be like Malcolm X (figuratively speaking of course).

Globally, the average points total was 44. This is a welcome sight to most of us, as once again we’re in the majority. Teams are spontaneously captaining Abraham and triple captaining Van Aanholt out of nowhere – as frustrating as it is sitting under 200pts at this point at least we can now enjoy a steady stream of points from Mr. Reliable himself, Mo Salah. Along with Sterling and the highly transferred-in Pukki, the “template” team is starting to take shape. Clean sheets aside, there are more positives from GW3 than negatives – but we all love to whinge a bit, don’t we?

I was at Old Trafford on Saturday. I was there. In the home stand, nice £10 “Red Devil Pie” in hand, confident of a win. Cue 90 mins of me and my Dad sulking, gutted we’d even bothered going. Sure, we saw a decent performance from AWB & Pogba, James showing signs of life in what was a dying United side –inevitably we watched Palace completely frustrate United to a point where we gave up. Credit where due, they had a game plan and sure stuck to it, that doesn’t however stop me from now absolutely hating Roy Hodgson.

Martial, AWB & Rashford were transferred in a ‘plenty prior to GW3 – this will likely flip reverse for GW4 as United slowly become the Blazin’ Squad of the Premier League. Once chart topping, loved globally, with 10 superstars forming a perfect team which everyone wanted to replicate &/or sleep with (we can all agree that United 11th man Luke Chadwick does not count).

Elsewhere around the country on Saturday we saw Lampard register his first win of the season, coming from behind to beat Delia Smith FC with his young ‘uns Abraham & Mount – even with the Pukki Party still in full force! The Lundstram train derailed with 0 points from a 90min loss at home to Southampton, and in the evening game we saw a masterclass from Liverpool as Salah & Co. swept Arsenal aside with a confident victory and sure sign of their intent to challenge for the title this season.

Sunday started off with Man City hitting 3 goals past Bournemouth, however a Wilson (the other one) goal just before half time frustrated all of us after those valuable clean sheet points.

Sunday became even more frustrating however as 1.1 million of us who captained Kane witnessed a poor Spurs side get beaten at home 1-0 by Newcastle and Kane walk away from GW3 with just 2 participation points.

So, what has GW3 taught us? Maybe we were all a bit too rash with our Wildcards? Maybe this season is going to be even more unpredictable than previous years?

Or, just maybe, we all know nothing and read way too much? All the above? Yeah, me too.

I will compare the beginning of this 2019/20 Fantasy Season to that of the first night at Uni (bear with me).

(Ed: ok…)

The season began as if we were in our shared kitchen, a hi-energy thrill of pre-drinking playing Ring of Fire, somewhat over-confident in every decision, every “lad/manager” trying to reinvent himself as an interesting, successful, sexually viable catch by wearing a hilarious t-shirt and hat combo – (please, bear with me)…

(Ed: Eh?)

This, similar to the confidence we all had in our team choices, the ballsy decision to bring in a couple unknowns. We are now 3 game weeks in, at a stage where we’re coming back from the first night out. We’re all lost, ears ringing as we find our way to the fridge to cook a 3am pasta dish with a half-glass of Dolmio. We’ve already lost our fun hat which was a certain hit, vomit down your front, you’re adamant it isn’t yours. Deep conversations begin with strangers about hopes and dreams, fears for the year ahead. This (of course) a direct reference to how we’re all now a little dazed after 3 weeks, looking for a lifeline trying to regain balance. See – that made sense, right?

(Ed: Haven’t a scooby)

So, what have we actually picked up from Gameweek 3?

1. Too much planning at the beginning of the season got us all a bit too intoxicated too quickly.

2. If we’re going to party so early on, make sure it’s a Pukki Party.

3. Salah & Sterling are already this seasons get and forget pairing.

4. Be like Stavan Limbadia, not Malcolm X.

5. Half a glass of Dolmio is enough for a decent pasta dish, whatever the time of day.

Just a reminder if you missed it earlier. Manchester United are now Blazin’ Squad.

Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!

He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job