GW4 Review: Jamie Vardy Crashed the Pukki Party
Written by @JackAGoodwin
This GW4 review is brought to you, in part, by the real Slim Goodwin.
Hi kids, do you like FPL advice?
Wanna see Pukki blank the game and Richarlison score twice?
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did?
Regret every decision you made this week because you wildcarded…
After news spread this week of a party in the Norwich area getting overcrowded, Jamie Vardy took it upon himself to throw a bigger, better, more familiar party of his own.
Nearly 1 million new people bought a ticket to the Pukki Party which ultimately turned sour when the bubble machines went mental and ruined it. The Pukki train immediately left for the City of Manchester, but many won’t be jumping aboard with fears that the DJ will constantly be playing Blue Moon.
Vardy, to rub salt in the wounds, has also taken his WKD fueled party towards Manchester, his however will arrive at a dysfunctional Old Trafford where the party will likely continue into the night.
Meet John Lundstram, 25 years old.
Fed up with life and the way his FPL career is going, he decides to score against Palace.
But on his way in to 750K more teams since then, he had a sudden change of heart.
And suddenly, the real John Lundstram came into play. (1 point in 2 GWs).
Guess who’s back? Back again…Aguero’s back…tell a friend! We’ve created a problem, ‘cause nobody wanted to see premium strikers anymore – we wanted bargains mixed with expensive defenders & mids, didn’t we? Now we have the conundrum of how to bring in the likes of Aguero, Kane, Firmino & Aubameyang – and the likelihood is that we pulled the trigger too soon on our Wildcards that it’s now near impossible to bring them in without taking a hit. It’s over – nobody listens to techno!
Salah is supposed to be the player who never loses his composure, assists with goals and holding the whole weight of our teams on his shoulders. Going toe-to-toe with Sterling for the armband once again – but unfortunately both players go and blow it!
In GW4 match by match, player by player, whoever we captained our team all fell down. GW1 star player, Sterling. GW2 star player, Pukki. GW3 star player, Salah. Surely one of these three will give us our points return. All three players, combined, scored a total of 11 points – which is 5 points behind GW4’s star player Jamie Vardy.
Sick of terribly forced Eminem song references? Yeah, me too. (ED: Me too)
Elsewhere in FPL we saw clean sheets for Palace, City, West Ham and Liverpool – business as usual then, with those keeping the faith in both ‘Pool and City backlines rewarded (unless, like me, you foolishly picked Laporte in your teams – not aware that he had knees as weak as United’s transfer strategy). Scoring defenders included Vestergaard and his massive head, Geordie Schar and a lovely Zouma own goal (told you he was a bit naff…https://fantasyyirma.com/2019/08/15/5-totally-useless-fantasy-players-from-game-week-1/).
40% of GW4 matches ended in a draw, 50% ended with a home victory with just the one away win for Liverpool. What do these statistics tell us? Absolutely nothing – but you can bet your ass you’ll spend the next two-weeks reading about every little detail from the FPL Twittexpert community and how the statistics suggest that you are a terrible FPL player. As each gameweek passes by, the FPL world has a breakdown, self-implodes on its own advice and steers itself in to wonderful new directions. After GW3 we almost unanimously got bantered into Wildcarding.
We were told that the Pukki Party was going to be a season long banger and expertly informed that Sterling and/or Salah were guaranteed points. The positive takeaway however was that we were convinced that the FPL world is so much more fun when we have it in drawn for us! (shout out to @fpldoodles1 – a pleasant addition to a community needing something different).
Quite astonishingly, even after the poor run of form for Man United as of late, Chelsea and Tottenham sit below them. We’re only four weeks into the season and the only real “in form” teams we can see are the usual suspects of Liverpool & City. Will the International Break give the chasing pack their mojo back? Will we see any last-minute moves away from the Premier League from the likes of Pogba & Eriksen as the Transfer Window slams shut tomorrow (2nd September)?
Finally, will FantasyYIRMA be able to drag-out the Bang Average Podcasts for two whole weeks in the absence of Premier League football! Time. Will. Tell.
…and so the soap opera
Is told, it unfolds, I suppose it’s old, partner
But FPL goes on: da da dum da dum da da da da….!