Harry Kane’s Back, Arsenal’s Welbeck Wonder Goal and a Gross Performance?

Fantasy Premier League: Gameweek 4 Review

Written by @NiallHawthorne

The English language is a funny thing. To me it must be the most willfully complicated language on the planet, designed to make learning it as hard as is possible. I mean, what other language would force those willing to learn it to work out how to differentiate between ‘To, Too and Two’? That’s just designed to cause gnashing of teeth in classrooms around the globe.

Another example is the word ‘Gross’ which can mean horrible, disgusting and very, very icky. However to FPL fans with ‘Groß’ in their team, it means a wonderful, delightful and sensuous 18 point haul in Gameweek 4 as Brighton and Hove Albion finally joined the party. Just 1.9% of players had the foresight (or limited budget forcing them to shoehorn a cheap Brighton midfielder into their squad) to select Pascal Groß, but they were handsomely rewarded.

This week was in fact the turn of the underdog to shine, to reward FPL players for sticking by those less fancied players playing for less fancied teams like Brighton, Newcastle, Stoke and…well, Arsenal. Danny Welbeck reminded us all of his ‘qualities’ with a two goal, one assist haul including the most Welbeck of all finishes off his shoulder. Splendid.

He was joined in the pantheon of ‘lesser selected heroes’ by Jamaal Lascelles of Newcastle United, who to my utter astonishment doesn’t come from France and in fact is an Englishman born in Derby. No, me neither. However since he was in my team for the away trip to Swansea City, in my mind he was born in heaven and descended to Earth to score 15 points and save my Gameweek 4, similar to some other lad about 2017 years ago who made a fuss about a sacrifice or something, and only got 12 points this week alongside Sergio Aguero.

The true joy of Swansea v Newcastle this weekend was the fact that I had a defender from each team in my FPL side and thus reckoned that a scoreless draw was the optimum outcome for me personally. There’s something exhilarating about watching a less than super ‘Super Sunday’ offering while wincing every time a team attacks. As adrenaline rushes that you can get from the comfort of your own couch go, I highly recommend it.

The final underdog of the week is Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting, who I knew nothing about until he plundered two goals and 15 points against the previously unbreached defence of Manchester United. While undertaking my research on Eric, I presumed he must have been from Pucklechurch in South Gloucestershire (it exists, trust me), but it turns out he’s a Cameroonian international born in Germany. Go figure.

Of course the big boys had their say this week with the Spurs contingent prominent in their demolition of Everton (a.k.a. the next team to break into the Top Six…try saying that without giggling). Of course as soon as night follows day and September follows August, Harry Kane started scoring again to haul in 13 points and make many a FPL manager who ditched him this week pull their hair out in sheer frustration.

As an aside, can anyone recommend a good hair transplant provider? I’m asking for a friend. Harry was aided and abetted by Ben Davies who turned into Cafu on Saturday afternoon with two assists and 14 points in the bag.

Finally I’m being told by someone (the evil b*stard) that I must discuss the match at The Etihad which featured belting contributions from Aguero (9 points), De Bruyne (9 points) and Leroy Sane who played 33 minutes, scored two goals, picked up two bonus points and made an overweight ginger forty year old Corkman cry into his mug of Barry’s Tea. (Ed. Other tea brands are available

Mind you the tears had started flowing much, much earlier when Sane’s almost namesake Mane was shown a red card by Jon Moss for harmlessly kicking Ederson in the face when going for the ball. Now I’m not going to get into whether that decision was right or wrong, but according to my good lady wife who captained Mane, it was an outrage and an atrocity against her personally. Some say that a three-match ban for Sadio Mane is too harsh. Personally I reckon it’s nothing compared to the weekend of tetchiness and eye-rolling I had to endure as a result of his red card. What I wouldn’t give for a three-match ban from my house right now…

Now we all know it was a bad weekend for LFC in a footballing sense, but they also had the only two negative scoring players in FPL this weekend, with the young, promising Trent Alexander-Arnold getting his arse handed to him by Benjamin Mendy resulting in a 5-goals conceded, yellow card, minus one point bonanza. It’ll stand him in good stead in the future though, right? RIGHT?

Well if you thought that Trent and Sadio had a bad weekend, spare a thought for poor old Frank De Boer who was sacked by Crystal Palace after 77 days and four matches, despite the fact that they battered Burnley on Sunday and were unlucky to lose.

By all accounts Roy Hodgson is preparing to take the reigns at Selhurst Park, so all FPL managers must immediately turn their attention to the Palace squad, analyse how ‘The Hodge’ likes to play and decide which of the Palace squad would make ideal….ah sod that, life’s too short and it’s Roy Hodgson. I’m boycotting Palace players for the rest of the season. I encourage you to do the same.






Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop him a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!



Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com.

You can read more from him also on twitter at @NiallHawthorne

His views are his own, because quite simply nobody else would have them!


Posted on 12 Sep 2017, in Player Selection and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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