Gameweek 12 Preview: Fantasy Premier League #FPL
Written by Niall Hawthorne @NiallHawthorne
As this is my first preview piece for FantasyYIRMA (and a literal gauntlet being thrown at the feet of @FantasyGaffer), I have been mulling over how I could make a real mark, to stamp my authority all over this GW12 feature. There are obvious avenues I could go down:
- Wildly optimistic outsider tips which if successful would have Paddy Power himself ringing me looking to meet for coffee.
- Wildly pessimistic tips that would have the Samaritans ringing me and Theresa May telling me not to be such a bloody downer.
However, events on Monday night have reminded me of one thing about the human psyche that should never be forgotten. People don’t like change. The amount of mewling, whining and downright gnashing of teeth by non-Italians at the demise of the Azzurri was astonishing. If you’re not Italian I’m struggling to comprehend why you care that they couldn’t score in 180 minutes against the IKEA Meatball Monsters. ‘Oh the World Cup won’t be the same!!!’. Err, yes it will. There will be 32 teams, most games will be shite, some games will make your jaw drop, the Irish fans will generate approximately 23,694,973 viral online clips and one of about 4 teams will win it, no matter what. Standard.
Anyway, back to what I was saying about change…so here’s my very formulaic preview for Gameweek 12.
(Ed: In the interests of sh*t stirring I’ve included John’s picks for GW12 also – Let the games commence!)
Defender: Alberto Moreno, Liverpool
Now don’t go pulling that face, there’s method to my apparent madness, and if the wind changes, your face will stay like that forever. Firstly Liverpool are at home to Southampton, which in defensive terms is akin to stepping in the boxing ring with a wet paper towel. This has got ‘home clean sheet’ written all over the, err, wet paper towel. Secondly, Moreno has licence to bomb forward on the left, and while he only has one assist so far this season, he’s due to add to that total, and I fancy him to do so this Saturday. Thirdly, six of the next seven teams to face this Liverpool defence are: Southampton, Stoke, Brighton, Everton, West Brom and Bournemouth. I admit that it will take a brave man to invest in a Liverpool defender, but he who dares wins, and this time next year we’ll be millionaires. Only fools and horses work for a living and by backing this Spanish Stallion, you’ll be on easy street very soon.
Defender Pick from @FantasyGaffer: Chaz Daniels, Bournemouth
Midfielder: Xherdan Shaqiri, Stoke City
If you listened to the latest Talking Togga podcast, I’m sorry for your troubles and you should probably seek counselling, but if you listened to the very end you would have heard yours truly discussing the 13 points that Shaqiri racked up against Leicester City in GW 11. Since then I’ve watched the Swiss sensation cause more of a hullabaloo in Northern Ireland than a group of men jauntily strolling down the wrong street in the middle of summer. Xherdan would have had about 9 assists if Seferovic had worn Adidas Predator boots instead of Toblerone slippers. In any case he’s back with Crouch and Co. this week and faces Brighton, Palace and Swansea in three of his next four games. This could be a Swiss Roll you’ll want a slice of.
Just don’t forget, my tips don’t lie. Shaqiri! Shaqiri!
Midfielder Pick from @FantasyGaffer: Mo Salah, Liverpool
Forward: Alvaro Morata, Chelsea
Following a quiet October, Morata roared back into form in GW 11 with the kind of towering header that makes men over 40 sit forward on their couch, nod the air full force with a beer in their hand while uttering a guttural ‘OOOOHHHFFF’ at the TV.
Since then he has bagged again for Spain against the mighty Costa Rica and looks to be back to his best. With 7 goals and 3 assists in 11 Gameweeks, this isn’t the most ballsy call, but sometimes I can be sensible. Alvaro’s upcoming fixtures are so favourable you’ll see less green in Landsdowne Road with 10 minutes to go against Denmark.
With Hazard back up and running in support, I’m backing Morata to crush all before him, including those Welsh bands who want independence from his home country. Who does that Cerys Matthews think she is anyway?
Forward Pick from @FantasyGaffer: Alvee Morata, Chelsea
Captain: Mohamed Salah, Liverpool
As my dear mother would say to me as a young boy: ‘Just do what you’re told or I’ll put your head through the wall’.
Captain Pick from @FantasyGaffer: Kdot Bruyne, Man City
Outsider: Callum Wilson, Bournemouth
He’s back. He’s fit. He’s scored a Premier League hat-trick you know. His rivals for a starting place are either broken or bereft of form. He’s got Huddersfield, Swansea, Burnley, Southampton and Palace in the next five games. He’s selected by 0.1% of teams. YOU WANT A DIFFERENTIATOR? (ED: Differential) YOU CAN’T HANDLE A DIFFERENTIATOR! (ED: Differential) I DERIDE YOUR DIFFERENTIATING (ED: I give up) ABILITIES!
Outsider Pick from @FantasyGaffer: I’ve got Wood, Burnley
Ok, I don’t play ‘Draft’. I’ve no idea what it’s all about. I could blag it, but I’m all about the truth. So if you’re worried about your draft, get your windows checked. Craig Doyle can help.
Draft Pick from @FantasyGaffer: zA-ha, Crystal Palace