#FPL Gameweek 24 Review: Written by @JackAGoodwin
Forward by Ryan @FantasyYIRMA.
Despite the fact that Jack has a full time job, is a disgruntled United fan, looks after a pet dog* and is even getting married in 48 hours amazingly he still has time to fart about writing absolute nonsense and passing it off as a Fantasy Football Gameweek Review.
I’d like to take this opportunity to say congratulations to Jack and Peeya on their upcoming Wedding! Delighted for you both and hope it’s a cracker.
Unsurprisingly it’s Manchester United vs Wolves on Saturday at 5:30pm.
Strange but true… Jack picked a Saturday when United had an evening kick off because the Wedding is earlier in the day and his speech is likely to bang on for at least an hour.
Enjoy the Review of Gameweek 24, the Gameweek that felt like it was never going to end and the one that will forever give Sadio Mane owners (including myself) nightmares. Given the pending nuptials, Jack has decided to make this weeks effort a poetry theme – such a romantic!
Go and follow Jack on twitter @JackAGoodwin and best wishes again for your big day!
Finally – I’ve seen the pictures of the happy couple and Jack is of course – punching!
*Jack firmly believes that a pet dog is a lot of responsibility and I laugh at him because as a recent new father I used to think the same and now know that I was an idiot and if anything my dog looks after me more now whilst I run around like a headless chicken trying to take care of a child.
I almost haven’t the heart to tell him he’s screwed in the years to come. He’ll work it out himself I’m sure.
Bournemouth 3-1 Brighton
In 1899 the 2nd Boar War started in Autumn
Meanwhile in Bournemouth there was something far more important
Boscombe FC was born, this was the beginning of the AFC Bournemouth story
It took decline and near administration before the team saw glory
They were then promoted to the Premier League in 2015,
Rather displeasing season as they went on to finish 16th.
But after time they steadied ship and had themselves a spring clean
Ake, Defoe, and Ibe came in, dreaming of being a part of history with this team
They were just dreams, as Bournemouth struggled through to their 5th season
Now they’re stuck juggling with much too many injuries they couldn’t foresee
Poor luck, but sure enough spirits were lifted with this past GWs score line
Bournemouth beat Brighton 3-1, Graham Potter was mortified
He could’ve sworn his side could beat one of the league’s worst form side
But the Cherries dug deep and took the 3, Brighton became the fall guys.
Aston Villa 2-1 Watford
Robert Mugabe, president of Zimbabwe at this time resigns
The same time E=MC2 was declared by Albert Einstein
Jesus Navas was born, as well as massive headed Fabien Delph
Along with Lewis Dunk, this date brought fabulous wealth
November 21st, a date seemingly boring to most
But this was the day that Aston Villa formed (according to the Wiki post)
145 years of football led up to the GW24 fixture with Deeney
And with many years of preparation you’d think it’d be easy
After 90 minutes is was all level at 1-1, Villa were petrified
Until mad-lad Tyrone Mings scored 5 minutes into extra time
The win wasn’t convincing, Villa still need a bit of a polish
But with Watford’s loss they now sit near the bottom just 6 points above Norwich
Crystal Palace 0-2 Southampton
Speaking of November 21st, the Saints (apparently) formed then also
Formally called St. Mary’s Y.M.A, a name they sought to forego
In GW24 they tore apart Palace who had quite the poor game
The boring play reflected exactly what the score says
Saints mustn’t party too hard because next it’s Liverpool
Where most teams’ chances of anything are at best pitiful
Nathan Redmond is looking good again, at least that’s a positive
Against a Liverpool squad who’s starting 11 is far from obvious
Palace need to rekindle the spirit of when they were the 91 Cup Winners
Sure, it was the “Full Members Cup” which sounds kind of ridiculous
But they need to find something, their pretty naff at the minute
Sheffield United up next who are looking to attack a top 5 finish.
Everton 2-2 Newcastle
Over at Goodison the Magpies visited
After 90 minutes Newcastle were finished with
The scouse were on their way our to celebrate the defeat they administered
Couldn’t count on Toon scoring but nobody saw this guy Florian
Suddenly scored 2 in a couple of minutes to draw the Toffees were floored again
Everton had this wrapped up, couldn’t be more unfortunate
But the draw was awarded and both now have to dust off and move forward
Not many FPL assets to grab here, although Calvert-Lewin’s still on form
Florian did score but his minutes are piss poor, so you have been warned
Sheffield United 0-1 Man City
Abdullah bin Musa’ad bin Abdulaziz Al Saud
Vs Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan bin Zayed bin Khalifa Al Nahyan
Arabic owners, squaring off but not on their home turf
Fairly lost until the 70th minute when Aguero scored the opener
It was the only goal it was a fairly tame affair with not much action
No Lundstram attack, no Sterling hattrick, nothing really happened
The clash was naff, Blades drop the 8th in the table
They need to be able to break forward, not be so patient and play slow
City on the other hand need to push harder despite their success
They need titles, that’s all they should get whilst they’ve got their Pep
Liverpool are flying ahead, Leicester are trying their best to decide who comes next
Whilst Sheffield fight with the rest for Europa nights on their steps
Chelsea 2-2 Arsenal
Speaking of which, here’s two teams rich with players, but a bit shit on the pitch
Gunners on the back-foot cos they received a red card when David Luiz threw a fit
The game was all but won for Chelsea in the 84th min when Cesar wellied it in
No-one predicted 3 mins later there’d be an equalizer by Bellerin
Score draw was hardly on the cards in this London derby
Chelsea should have ripped apart Arsenal as soon as the match started
Especially with 10 man Arsenal, they should have fell apart
But credit to Arteta his blokes took 2 points from Lampard’s.
Gunners young kid looks pretty decent, at 4.4 mill he’s quite the steal
With Laca & Auba not really attacking I suppose Martinelli’s now at the wheel.
Leicester 4-1 West Ham
At the start of the season we didn’t have high hopes for Leicester
Although we all jumped at the prospect of Ayoze Perez
We know he’d impressed pre-season so we chose him over the others
He was supposed to bring in goals, but then he chose to be rubbish
He now sits at 8% ownership and scores goals for the fun of it
But we know he hurt us at the start, so we’ll leave him cos we’re all just stubborn gits
The Hammers team is littered with issues and unfortunately their scores are shit
Whilst Leicester are becoming a force in the league, their title wasn’t just a sudden blip
4-1 win against the Hammers as the King Power is becoming a fortress to visit
Noble’s one goal is even more than they’d thought they’d score here to begin with
More importantly, Brendan’s cautiously climbing up to grab 2nd in the league
Meanwhile West Ham are in a wet patch with this terrible defeat.
Tottenham 2-1 Norwich
On January 26th in 1963 is was a dark and cold day
A small grey-haired baby was born, and he was called Jose
He was fitted for a suit at two, that kid was boisterous
His first demand on his first Christmas list was a toy bus
Boy trusted no-one, independent baby who grew up to manage football
Jose was an avid winner, all other teams were done for
Winning trophies is his passion, there’s nothing Jose loves more
But for the past few years he’s not won more cos footie is a tough sport
The Spurs bus tour wheels are turning, with time Jose’s team can actually win
If he can catch 4th place he’s ok, otherwise he’s sacked again
Norwich are rock bottom of the league with the odds stacked at them
The Pukki Party in truth is hardly Vardy’s, probably started by accident
Man United 0-2 Burnley
What’s far from the class they once were, United have started to crash again
Ole’s a really bad driver, teams falling apart whilst Woodward’s got fans attacking him
Sean Dyche timed it just right, Burnley scored two and swept United aside
They’re boring and not scoring – Manchester’s blue, try as they might
Despite all the past glory, the Red side’s threat has been humbled since Fergie
Back in his day no-one could trouble the Devils especially Burnley
If United expect to reach Chelsea now then there has to be an exceptional journey
Crazier things have happened this season so who knows?
Perhaps United sign a striker to link up with new boy Bruno
This is all a process Ole says, but damn if it moves slow
United tactics look far from Tiki-taka more like Subbuteo.
Wolves 1-2 Liverpool
Double gameweek, mainly people buying players with double fixtures in a panic
But all we’ve had is the Pro FPL people crying on Twitter about Mane
It’s just a game, relax, I for one find it all funny for me though
Because you suckers captained Mane, whilst I punted for Firmino!
Wolves are a decent team, no doubt still chasing for 4th it seems
More opportunity to score for sure as next is United fortunately
The former St Luke’s FC are becoming quite the force in the league
One eye on Europa whilst the other on top 4 importantly
Klopp’s team are sure to be in the top 3 of all time
Arsenal’s Invincibles the others, with United’s treble winners in 99
This was a hard fought win, but still nobody can beat the noisy Scouse
So Klopp’s merry men marched down the M1 to feature at Moysey’s house.
West Ham 0-2 Liverpool
Already chants of Moysey Out, It’s more than loud
his reputation he tore it down at United when fans there forced him out
He doesn’t help his cause, interviews colder than a salad fork
Thought he was doing a great job until Diop chopped Divock and Salah scored
The Hammers are getting nervous, edging above the relegation zone
They can’t find a win in the Prem so the Championships the only place to go
Title inbound for Liverpool, they’ve got the League pinned down
Still nobody is brave enough to say we don’t let this slip now!
LISTEN TO THE MR MO SALAH SONG HERE – YOUR EARS WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU… (Featuring Sean Dyche)
FOLLOW JACK ON TWITTER @JACKAGOODWIN
Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!
He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.