Fantasy Football Double Gameweek 24 Review: Salah > Mane

#FPL Gameweek 24 Review: Written by @JackAGoodwin

 

Forward by Ryan @FantasyYIRMA.

Despite the fact that Jack has a full time job, is a disgruntled United fan, looks after a pet dog* and is even getting married in 48 hours amazingly he still has time to fart about writing absolute nonsense and passing it off as a Fantasy Football Gameweek Review.

I’d like to take this opportunity to say congratulations to Jack and Peeya on their upcoming Wedding! Delighted for you both and hope it’s a cracker.

Unsurprisingly it’s Manchester United vs Wolves on Saturday at 5:30pm.

Strange but true… Jack picked a Saturday when United had an evening kick off because the Wedding is earlier in the day and his speech is likely to bang on for at least an hour.

Enjoy the Review of Gameweek 24, the Gameweek that felt like it was never going to end and the one that will forever give Sadio Mane owners (including myself) nightmares. Given the pending nuptials, Jack has decided to make this weeks effort a poetry theme – such a romantic!

Go and follow Jack on twitter @JackAGoodwin and best wishes again for your big day!

Finally – I’ve seen the pictures of the happy couple and Jack is of course – punching!

Ryan x

*Jack firmly believes that a pet dog is a lot of responsibility and I laugh at him because as a recent new father I used to think the same and now know that I was an idiot and if anything my dog looks after me more now whilst I run around like a headless chicken trying to take care of a child.

I almost haven’t the heart to tell him he’s screwed in the years to come. He’ll work it out himself I’m sure.

 

 

Bournemouth 3-1 Brighton

In 1899 the 2nd Boar War started in Autumn

Meanwhile in Bournemouth there was something far more important

Boscombe FC was born, this was the beginning of the AFC Bournemouth story

It took decline and near administration before the team saw glory

They were then promoted to the Premier League in 2015,

Rather displeasing season as they went on to finish 16th.

But after time they steadied ship and had themselves a spring clean

Ake, Defoe, and Ibe came in, dreaming of being a part of history with this team

They were just dreams, as Bournemouth struggled through to their 5th season

Now they’re stuck juggling with much too many injuries they couldn’t foresee

Poor luck, but sure enough spirits were lifted with this past GWs score line

Bournemouth beat Brighton 3-1, Graham Potter was mortified

He could’ve sworn his side could beat one of the league’s worst form side

But the Cherries dug deep and took the 3, Brighton became the fall guys.

Aston Villa 2-1 Watford

Robert Mugabe, president of Zimbabwe at this time resigns

The same time E=MC2 was declared by Albert Einstein

Jesus Navas was born, as well as massive headed Fabien Delph

Along with Lewis Dunk, this date brought fabulous wealth

November 21st, a date seemingly boring to most

But this was the day that Aston Villa formed (according to the Wiki post)

145 years of football led up to the GW24 fixture with Deeney

And with many years of preparation you’d think it’d be easy

After 90 minutes is was all level at 1-1, Villa were petrified

Until mad-lad Tyrone Mings scored 5 minutes into extra time

The win wasn’t convincing, Villa still need a bit of a polish

But with Watford’s loss they now sit near the bottom just 6 points above Norwich

Crystal Palace 0-2 Southampton

Speaking of November 21st, the Saints (apparently) formed then also

Formally called St. Mary’s Y.M.A, a name they sought to forego

In GW24 they tore apart Palace who had quite the poor game

The boring play reflected exactly what the score says

Saints mustn’t party too hard because next it’s Liverpool

Where most teams’ chances of anything are at best pitiful

Nathan Redmond is looking good again, at least that’s a positive

Against a Liverpool squad who’s starting 11 is far from obvious

Palace need to rekindle the spirit of when they were the 91 Cup Winners

Sure, it was the “Full Members Cup” which sounds kind of ridiculous

But they need to find something, their pretty naff at the minute

Sheffield United up next who are looking to attack a top 5 finish.

 

Everton 2-2 Newcastle

Over at Goodison the Magpies visited

After 90 minutes Newcastle were finished with

The scouse were on their way our to celebrate the defeat they administered

Couldn’t count on Toon scoring but nobody saw this guy Florian

Suddenly scored 2 in a couple of minutes to draw the Toffees were floored again

Everton had this wrapped up, couldn’t be more unfortunate

But the draw was awarded and both now have to dust off and move forward

Not many FPL assets to grab here, although Calvert-Lewin’s still on form

Florian did score but his minutes are piss poor, so you have been warned

 

Sheffield United 0-1 Man City

Abdullah bin Musa’ad bin Abdulaziz Al Saud

Vs Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan bin Zayed bin Khalifa Al Nahyan

Arabic owners, squaring off but not on their home turf

Fairly lost until the 70th minute when Aguero scored the opener

It was the only goal it was a fairly tame affair with not much action

No Lundstram attack, no Sterling hattrick, nothing really happened

The clash was naff, Blades drop the 8th in the table

They need to be able to break forward, not be so patient and play slow

City on the other hand need to push harder despite their success

They need titles, that’s all they should get whilst they’ve got their Pep

Liverpool are flying ahead, Leicester are trying their best to decide who comes next

Whilst Sheffield fight with the rest for Europa nights on their steps

Chelsea 2-2 Arsenal

Speaking of which, here’s two teams rich with players, but a bit shit on the pitch

Gunners on the back-foot cos they received a red card when David Luiz threw a fit

The game was all but won for Chelsea in the 84th min when Cesar wellied it in

No-one predicted 3 mins later there’d be an equalizer by Bellerin

Score draw was hardly on the cards in this London derby

Chelsea should have ripped apart Arsenal as soon as the match started

Especially with 10 man Arsenal, they should have fell apart

But credit to Arteta his blokes took 2 points from Lampard’s.

Gunners young kid looks pretty decent, at 4.4 mill he’s quite the steal

With Laca & Auba not really attacking I suppose Martinelli’s now at the wheel.

Leicester 4-1 West Ham

At the start of the season we didn’t have high hopes for Leicester

Although we all jumped at the prospect of Ayoze Perez

We know he’d impressed pre-season so we chose him over the others

He was supposed to bring in goals, but then he chose to be rubbish

He now sits at 8% ownership and scores goals for the fun of it

But we know he hurt us at the start, so we’ll leave him cos we’re all just stubborn gits

The Hammers team is littered with issues and unfortunately their scores are shit

Whilst Leicester are becoming a force in the league, their title wasn’t just a sudden blip

4-1 win against the Hammers as the King Power is becoming a fortress to visit

Noble’s one goal is even more than they’d thought they’d score here to begin with

More importantly, Brendan’s cautiously climbing up to grab 2nd in the league

Meanwhile West Ham are in a wet patch with this terrible defeat.

Tottenham 2-1 Norwich

On January 26th in 1963 is was a dark and cold day

A small grey-haired baby was born, and he was called Jose

He was fitted for a suit at two, that kid was boisterous

His first demand on his first Christmas list was a toy bus

Boy trusted no-one, independent baby who grew up to manage football

Jose was an avid winner, all other teams were done for

Winning trophies is his passion, there’s nothing Jose loves more

But for the past few years he’s not won more cos footie is a tough sport

The Spurs bus tour wheels are turning, with time Jose’s team can actually win

If he can catch 4th place he’s ok, otherwise he’s sacked again

Norwich are rock bottom of the league with the odds stacked at them

The Pukki Party in truth is hardly Vardy’s, probably started by accident

Man United 0-2 Burnley

What’s far from the class they once were, United have started to crash again

Ole’s a really bad driver, teams falling apart whilst Woodward’s got fans attacking him

Sean Dyche timed it just right, Burnley scored two and swept United aside

They’re boring and not scoring – Manchester’s blue, try as they might

Despite all the past glory, the Red side’s threat has been humbled since Fergie

Back in his day no-one could trouble the Devils especially Burnley

If United expect to reach Chelsea now then there has to be an exceptional journey

Crazier things have happened this season so who knows?

Perhaps United sign a striker to link up with new boy Bruno

This is all a process Ole says, but damn if it moves slow

United tactics look far from Tiki-taka more like Subbuteo.

 

Wolves 1-2 Liverpool

Double gameweek, mainly people buying players with double fixtures in a panic

But all we’ve had is the Pro FPL people crying on Twitter about Mane

It’s just a game, relax, I for one find it all funny for me though

Because you suckers captained Mane, whilst I punted for Firmino!

Wolves are a decent team, no doubt still chasing for 4th it seems

More opportunity to score for sure as next is United fortunately

The former St Luke’s FC are becoming quite the force in the league

One eye on Europa whilst the other on top 4 importantly

Klopp’s team are sure to be in the top 3 of all time

Arsenal’s Invincibles the others, with United’s treble winners in 99

This was a hard fought win, but still nobody can beat the noisy Scouse

So Klopp’s merry men marched down the M1 to feature at Moysey’s house.

West Ham 0-2 Liverpool

Already chants of Moysey Out, It’s more than loud

his reputation he tore it down at United when fans there forced him out

He doesn’t help his cause, interviews colder than a salad fork

Thought he was doing a great job until Diop chopped Divock and Salah scored

The Hammers are getting nervous, edging above the relegation zone

They can’t find a win in the Prem so the Championships the only place to go

Title inbound for Liverpool, they’ve got the League pinned down

Still nobody is brave enough to say we don’t let this slip now!

 

LISTEN TO THE MR MO SALAH SONG HERE – YOUR EARS WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU… (Featuring Sean Dyche)

 

FOLLOW JACK ON TWITTER @JACKAGOODWIN

 

 

 

Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!

He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.

Posted on 30 Jan 2020, in Player Selection and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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