Gameweek 31+ Review

Written by @JackAGoodwin

Leicester 0 – 0 Brighton

Leno hater Maupay missed a penalty (ED.. awww) in the first half which saw just as many goals as the second – a big fat zero. Leicester are really pulling off a 2014 Gerrard and slipping quite dramatically here in the closing moments of the season. With Chelsea’s win over City – the gap is 1 point between 3^rd and 4^th, adding to that the ever chasing United (the good one from Manchester) and Wolves 5 points behind that. 7 games to go, 21 points to mishandle for all of the above. Leicester aren’t looking sharp and need to start scoring very quickly to keep pace with the in-forms around them. Brighton took an incredibly useful point here now sitting 6 points above the relegation zone – Man United next however!

Tottenham 2 – 0 West Ham

Spurs sprung into life once Soucek scored a belting own goal. Son scored a goal overruled by VAR in a goalless first half and looked the liveliest presence for Spurs alongside Moura. Yet again Harry Kane looked naff – completely flustered and didn’t leave first gear (in his head he’s really sad that the whole country isn’t dancing and chanting his name as he scores a worldie past Croatia). Kane, ironically, scored the second goal which still won’t be convincing the FPL massive to clamber for his signature. West Ham are a sinking ship, only kept afloat by all the silly bubbles they carry around with them. Can I suggest a single Hammers player for your FPL adventures? If you’ve lost a bet, and must bring in a Hammer, make it Declan Rice – a lively player destined for a new team should they be relegated.

Man United 3 – 0 Sheffield United

G’wan the lads! Ole’s at the bloody wheel! 2021 Season is ours! Alright, I’ll calm down…we beat Sheffield United for God sake. That SHOULD be happening. Bruno (who gave all FPL managers a mini-heart attack when he went down) was a star once again. This time however he had backup, Tony Martial with United’s first hattrick at Old Trafford since RVP what seems like a lifetime ago. Martial was the perfect poaching No.9 – knocking in some great assists from Wan-Bissaka and a double assisting Rashford. United looked really good, something I have longed to write. Pogba alongside Bruno was fantastic and Brighton should be cacking their southern trousers at the prospect of facing the Red Devils next week. United (the crap Yorkshire one) missed a golden opportunity to take a giant leap towards Europe, they now sit in 8^th position but not all is lost just yet. Players wise nobody gave a good account of themselves, Lundstram absent, Sharp missing his Championship Hero status & McBurnie clearly with one eye on the Glast”home”bury Festival that kicked off today.

Newcastle 1 – 1 Aston Villa

What is this, 2013? Gayle & El Ghazi with the goals (see Palace & Hull) in a boring game as always only really getting going in the second half where all the goals happen. Actually, there was more drama than just the goals, as the FPL darling Matt Ritchie went down like a sack of red arrows and got subbed off apparently injured – which – sucks for the many that brought him in this GW after a stellar GW30+. That point all but secured Newcastle’s safety, 8 from the red-zone is quite a gap with those below not doing particularly well themselves. Villa, are one of those teams. Hot off a DGW FPL trolling session, the lads didn’t do much again, Grealish’ value dropping quicker than his stupid child sized socks.

Norwich 0 – 1 Everton

I am bored of writing about nothing happening in the first halves – but here we are. The 2^nd, again bringing with it the card (singular) and goal (singular). Norwich are a mess, a world apart from the potentially season limelight stealing darlings of pre-2020 who saw the FPL community break out the Party puns-a-plenty for Mr Pukki, who, is likely absolutely exhausted the poor poor sod. On one of their worst days Everton still managed the win with an unlikely goalscoring Michael Keane with the winner. FPL mainstay Digne bagged some points which is lovely stuff, but aside from him there’s duds all round. Mid-table mediocracy awaits Everton unfortunately now – settle in for more boring encounters as next up for them is the goal droughting Leicester side who’re the wobbly unconvincing piece at the top end of the Jenga league table.

Wolves 1 – 0 Bournemouth

Speaking of Jenga – y’know when the tower builds and builds so far that the blocks near the bottom have so much weight on them that they’re lucky if they can jiggle even a little bit? Bournemouth are that block. They’re rooted to the bottom bit and nobody in the team can make a damn bit of difference. Hell, Fraser has pulled out of being a player entirely. Wolves despite only the one goal from you-know-who still looked the dominant team. Can they see out the season above United? Can they remain atop of Spurs? Perhaps! I wouldn’t rule them out with a striker like Jiminez on the field and scoring as much as he is. They head to Aston Villa next, pretty safe to assume Jimmy is going to keep firing on all Mexican cylinders.

Liverpool 4 – 0 Crystal Palace

Niall will likely bang on about how good and great and sexy the Liverpool squad are anyway so is there any point me writing about them here? They won, ok. All the lads with all the goals and all the assists like one big stupid party goodie bag filled with FPL points for everyone (apart from Mane, lol). Palace sucked and weirdly sit just one point behind Arsenal and are “safe” from relegation. Anything to play for anymore? Zaha came off injured which leave a very big step-overing hole in the Palace squad that nobody apart from 2016 Bolasie could fill.

Burnley 1 – 0 Watford

After all the partial praise for the resurging Watford, they go and do this? 70 mins+ passed before Rodriguez nabbed what would end up the winner in a match lacking in much. 3 saves a piece from both keepers – importantly another clean sheet for FPL mainstay Pope who also took home all 3 bonus points. Burnley are now comfy in the mid table mess about whilst this took Watford right back in to the uncomfortable relegation chit chat. FPL discussions are few and far between with any mention of players from either of these two – only those ballsy enough to take a fixture-enticing punt on a differential (many saw Sarr as a hot prospect last GW).

Southampton 0 – 2 Arsenal

Even winning 2-0 Arsenal look crap don’t they (Ryan)? (ED: Yep) Nketiah & Willock with the goals which is tear inducing for those “lucky” few (me included) who kept hold of Aubameyang and/or Pepe. Why do we even bother, Arsenal’s subs hilariously looked like they were out with the rest of the UK at Bournemouth beachside with lovely umbrellas, feet up, not a care in the world. If I had time (or care) I would’ve made a hilarious photo of said image, but for now you must use your YIRMAginations ©. Saints who also saw a red card awarded to Stephens in the 85^th min struggled, 3 shots on target all game it was a long unsuccessful night for FPL budget option Ings. Gunners backline took home good points, Tierney with all the bonus ones to boot, but will this sudden win & clean sheet force the hand of the elite FPL managers to jump on board. No, don’t be daft!

Chelsea 2 – 1 Man City

And finally, another one for Niall to gloat about as City hand Liverpool the title 7-games early with a terrible display (KDB freekick aside). Chelsea very much deserving of the win, Lampard’s men clearly well up for this Champion’s League fight – hell they’ve spent so much money already on players likely with promises of Champion’s League it’s almost a must win. They’re delivering, Pulisic who is definitely one of their best players opened the game after 30 mins before as mentioned KDB scored a worldie – which – I have to say did look splendid, but Kepa couldn’t be arsed even reaching his arms out for it, suspicious….Anyway, the Blues took the lead back and handed Liverpool their inevitable Title when Fernandinho went all 2010 World Cup Luis Suarez with a brilliant save off the line only to be sent off – William planting the penalty to seal the game. City in their stupid ice lolly kit looked dazed, almost switched off from the match. Worrying now with how Pep is going to treat the remainder of the season with his lucky dipping of team selections.

FantasyYIRMA Post-Covid League Review

C’mon lads, give me a breather! No change at the top as James Amey leads to pack. “Alex 2009” with a whopping 88 climbed up to 2^nd whilst resident YIRMAniac Niall is up to 10^th (but is 5,674^th in the world didn’t you hear!).

Bottom of the league is The Gosfather with 92 points after 2 GW’s. Me? Not sure, couldn’t find myself in the names TBH.

Top showing by you all – 183 of us in the league with some cracking Bang Average merch coming your way with a win.

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Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.