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This week @JackAGoodwin has decided to write about 5 Totally useless Fantasy Players from GW1. Word of warning – Do Not Pick Them

  1. Oliver Skipp – Midfielder – Tottenham – £4.5M.

18-year-old Oliver debuted in the league last season, with 8 appearances. This season, 1 game, 1 appearance, that’s brilliant right? Well, not so much for 25,000 fantasy managers who picked him in their squads (unless he’s way back in sub #3 position). Fun fact, ‘Skippy’ actually featured in seven different competitions across four age groups in 2018/19. This season, he made his first appearance for Tottenham against Villa in the opening fixture coming on the pitch at 92 minutes. The match ended at 93 minutes. A Solid performance from the lad! (total fantasy points = 1).


  1. Bernardo Fernandes da Silva Junior – Defender – Brighton – £4.5M.

We’ll call him just Bernardo shall we, shall we? Can we all agree on that? Well, Bernardo had 22 appearances last season, accumulating a rather terrible 39 points total. This season, surely the Brazilian can inject some flair into the Brighton backline. Not this week he can’t. Taking a page from Skipp’s book he appeared for a total of 1 minute before the final whistle. Hey, it’s an appearance right? He deserves the ice bath afterwards, right? (total fantasy points = 1)

  1. Dominic Solanke – Forward – Bournemouth – £5.5M.

We’ll call him Dominic Ayodele Solanke-Mitchell, shall we? No? Dom is an unbelievably talented 21 year old. But, as we know, if you’re not already at the level of Mbappe, Neymar or Andy Carroll by that age then you’re “never going to make it”! In his 6 years in professional football, Dom has scored a TOTAL of 8 goals – that’s not the best stat is it? So why then did 31,000 people still bring him into their teams? Unsure, to be honest with you there Jack (you all scream). There’s a theme here, as Dom registered 1 minute of playing time in the 1-1 draw to Sheffield United – say it with me guys…. Impact. Player! (total fantasy points = 1) P.s. Dom has an Instagram account, apparently. His Twitter (of 180K+ followers) bio highlights his Insta account with a nice clickable link directly to it so you don’t miss a post. I clicked it. I must’ve been the only soul to do so. 3 followers. 1 following. Sad. Actually what’s happened here, is little Dom has typed his details in wrong – oh how I laughed…

  1. Grant Hanley – Defender – Norwich – £4M.

YES!! A £4M player who actually played for the full 90 minutes! Steady there chaps, Grant had a shocker. He scored the first goal of the 2019-20 Premier League season (into his own net) and went on to concede another 3 goals in the game. This is a man who was club captain and lifted the Championship trophy just months ago with a big ol’ grin across his Scottish face. How the mighty fall eh? (total fantasy points = -2, yes that is a minus before the 2).

  1. Kurt Zouma – Defender – Chelsea – £5M.

Another defensive clanger here as Kurt not only faced the mighty Man United in a 4 goal bashing, but decided he didn’t like the look of Pereira’s shins so jumped all over them in an act worthy of a yellow card. -1 points for the game, -1 points for the 185,000 managers with him in their teams. Here’s something I betcha didn’t know – Kurt’s middle name, is Happy, and in interviews he believes that it is his middle name which makes him so god damn smiley. We’ve all learnt today. Another fact about Happy Kurt, he is named after Kurt Sloane, Jean-Claude Van Damme’s character in the 1989 film Kickboxer. What a guy.


Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!

He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.


Current Premier League Teams from 20 Seasons Ago including Thierry Henry to Arsenal

FPL Gameweek 1 Preview: Liverpool’s Mo Salah is Good

Fantasy Football – #FPL Gameweek 1 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

I must caveat this while column by saying that I’m writing this before the transfer window has closed.

This is because the Lord and Master of FantasyYIRMA is currently starring in Home and Away, frolicking on the beach and being called a ‘Flaming Galah’ by Alf Stewart.

So, the time difference between our planets means I must type this on a Tuesday, and hope for the best.

In short, it’s all Ryan’s fault if anything that follows is factually inaccurate. But all credit to me if I’m right. Fair?

Defender: Kyle Walker, Manchester City

The eagerly-awaited rematch from the Asia Cup tussle between West Ham and Manchester City (said nobody ever) takes place this Saturday at the London Stadium. Having been on the end of a 4-1 shellacking in the Olympic Sports Stadium in China somewhere, Manuel Pellegrini could be forgiven for writing off GW1 for his troops and focusing all his attention on a trip to Brighton in August, which should be nice.

City in third gear should be more than a match for the Hammers, and I expect them to stroll to a routine 2-0 or 3-0 victory here to start their inexorable march towards reaching the fabled 115 points mark this season. Yes, I know that 38 x 3 = 114, but this is Manchester City we’re talking about.

Kyle Walker was noticeable for his quite frankly ridiculous bicycle-kick clearance from under his own crossbar in the dying seconds of the Community Shield, and as an ex-Spurs player he’ll delight in shutting down the Hammers on day one.



Midfielder: Youri Tielemans, Leicester City

To be frank, the multitude of midfield riches that the Brodge has at his disposal at Leicester City is quite frankly disgusting. Tielemans, Perez, Maddison, Barnes, Ndidi, Gray, Albrighton. It’s ridiculous, and means that Brendan may well opt for the lesser-known 2-7-1 formation this season. These are exciting times for Leicester City fans, and with £80 million (!) burning a hole in their pocket, I’m extremely excited to see who Brendan picks up to replace old slab head. (It’ll be Martin Skrtel, you know it will…).

Going forward the Foxes should be entertaining and while old Jamie Vardy can always be relied upon, it’s a newer arrival that excites me. I got on the Tielemans Train early in the second half of last season and he rewarded me with 3G and 5A in just over 1,000 minutes of action. With a full pre-season under his belt, this could be a mega season for a £6.5m midfield asset. That’s not to say that Perez at the same price should be overlooked, or even Maddison at £7m, but Tielemans is my man.

Plus, they face a Wolves side fresh from a lovely jaunt to Armenia this Thursday to play a team called Pyunik in what is sure to be 158-degree heat on a pitch made from baked clay. So where did you holiday this year, eh?



Forward: Chris Wood, Burnley

I know that pre-season ‘form’ can sometimes be misleading, but this guy has scored no less than 1,439 goals in just 3 pre-season matches (or something like that). Burnley disappointed last season but weren’t helped by their Europa League exploits in the month of July (and god knows Sean Dyche absolutely HATES Europe), so with no such distractions this season I reckon they’ll be the under-the-radar-quick-out-of-the-blocks team this season (like Watford were last season).

Plus, New Zealand sportspeople are about to dominate f*cking everything for the next few months.

Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool

The only thing annoying me about this fixture is that it hasn’t come on a wet, cold November afternoon, after the plucky Canaries have had all their hope and optimism battered out of them, and they accept that trips to Anfield are meant to be endured rather than dreamed about.

There’s nothing more annoying than a plucky Canary, so while this won’t be as straightforward as it could have been for Liverpool, I can’t see anything other than a comprehensive home win with Salah bagging at least a quick brace to get his Golden Boot campaign off to a flyer. If he had that many chances against Manchester City, he should have at least 10 shots against Norwich. I wouldn’t even put you off that TC chip y’know…


Outsider: Callum Robinson, Sheffield United

There’s a type of player that always starts a season strongly. The type of player who is quick, thrives on good pitches, loves the sunshine, and disappears completely when it’s five below zero and even the pre-match handshake hurts.

Callum Robinson has four goals in pre-season and is your Duracell-bunny type attacking midfielder. A trip to the seaside to take on a notoriously leaky Bournemouth defence means that his mother will be getting quite a few ‘Ooh Mrs. Robinson’ comments on Saturday night, but in a purely footballing sense of course….

Draft: Kevin De Bruyne, Manchester City

It’s week one, and if you haven’t completed your draft yet, then I’m pointing out the bleeding obvious.


Fantasy Football – Gameweek 1 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne



Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof

Cheapest Fantasy Football Players – 5 Unknown Stories: Spurs, Everton, West Ham

Cheapest Fantasy Football Players – 5 Unknown Stories

Fantasy Football – Players for Consideration Featuring Burnley, Everton and Crystal Palace

Transfer Profiles: Christian Pulisic and Tanguy NDombele – Fantasy Football Options?

Gameweek 38: And Now, The End is Near

GW38 Preview by @NiallHawthorne

there’s a Preview here somewhere…

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain

I’ve lived a season that’s full
I’ve endured each and every game week
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets, I’ve had quite a few
But then again, too many to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each captain pick
Each power chip along the season
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I wanted to throttle my motley crew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I stared at my phone, and I did shout
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve had my fill, my weeks of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all, all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a wise way
Oh no, no, not me
I did it my way

For what is man, what has he got?
If not FPL, then he has naught
To play the players he truly rates
And not the players of his best mates
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

And did it my way

Defender: Aymeric Laporte, Manchester City

On the back of four clean sheets, a cheeky assist in GW37 and maximum bonus points for three weeks running, Laporte heads to the Amex to face Brighton & Hove Albion with it all on the line. As a Liverpool fan (I’m now happy to make this stunning revelation to you all) I know how this game will go. Brighton will camp on the edge of their box from minute one, hoping to hold out. Duffy and Dunk will spend 90 minutes flinging their bodies in the way of every one of the 374 shots that will be aimed at Ryan in the game. City will score early, will then keep their foot on the throttle, and will probably score four to secure the title. All the while, Brighton will forget that they too could attack, so Laporte’s average position for his clean sheet will be 5 yards inside the Brighton half. Easy defensive points, innit?

Midfielder: Eden Hazard, Chelsea

Eden Hazard will say farewell to Chelsea this Sunday before he departs for pastures new, and he’s going to want to put on a show. Chelsea are away to Leicester City and I reckon this game could finish 3-3 at least. Brendan Rodgers has a unique relationship with the final day of the season, as he once led Liverpool to a five-goal shellacking at Stoke City. I back Hazard to net and assist and then wave goodbye as he heads off into a new and even more lucrative life.

Forward: Sergio Aguero, Manchester City

He’s already scored a league winning goal deep in injury time, and he has 90 full minutes to do the same this weekend. Which he will do. Probably more than once. What a Kun….

Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool

While Liverpool will end the season empty-handed, Mo Salah will be gunning to retain his Golden Boot award, and a home game to Wolves will offer him the opportunity to do just that. He’ll be fresh from not having faced Barca, and I reckon he’ll notch twice to seal the deal. Unless my Aguero tip turns out to be even more on the money than I fear…

Outsider: Ryan Fredericks, West Ham United

You know that thing a lot of customer service departments do to retain customer loyalty? They treat you shoddily for ages and ages and ages. You feel annoyed, then angry, then hopeless, then angry again, then you’re right on the verge of giving up, and THAT is when someone swoops in, does something they should have done at the very start, but it’s such a bloody relief that you feel happy it’s over, and you forget all about the crap that went before it, and you go on your merry way.

That’s West Ham United, that is. Ropey all season long, but they’ve now won a couple of games on the spin, and their fans will head into the summer feeling chipper and with hope in their hearts.

But who are we to complain? Ryan Fredericks is getting a game, is owned by 0.2% of FPL players, has two clean sheets and a goal in his last two appearances, and is facing a Watford team that will have both eyes on an FA Cup final and are going to dial it in.

Draft: Alexander Mitrovic, Fulham

He’s probably been dumped or traded by anyone who had him, as his recent form has been rank. However, he’s facing his former team, Fulham are showing a bit of form, and you just know how this goes, right?

Right, that’s me done for the season. Thanks to everyone who read this FPL/Brexit/Trump analysis piece each week, and for those who followed me and interacted with me on Twitter. To those of you who didn’t, you’re all miserable ungrateful b*stards.

Have a nice summer!


Honestly, There’s No Liverpool Players!


The final long weekend of football is upon us for GW37. Next week all the action will be squeezed into two action packed hours on a Sunday, but this week we have glorious FPL action from Friday through to Monday night.

Soak it in. Absorb it. Remember it. It’ll be next August before you experience it again.

If you are defending a lead, or scrambling for points, let me guide you to the promised land.

Defender: Sead Kolasinac, Arsenal

Time to roll the dice ladies and gents. You need to make up ground in your mini-league, and this is how you do it. You select a player from a calamitous defence who’s facing a team who refuse to attack and are intent on grinding out a 90 minute stalemate. That gives you what the experts call a differential.

Midfielder: Ryan Fraser, Bournemouth

Spurs travel to Deans Court this weekend in the middle of a pulsating Champions League semi-final against Ajax, trailing by a goal. It’s not often Spurs find themselves in this situation, and while they aren’t guaranteed a top four spot just yet, they’re probably safe considering the slapstick shodiness of their competition.

So they’re ripe for a plucking, as my randy old dyslexic pipe-smoking grandfather used to say. Ryan Fraser has been in sensational form since his agent told him that three top Premier League teams are interested, and a strong finish to the season would get him that big move. Motivation is a powerful tool.

Forward: Romelu Lukaku, Manchester United

Whether it’s for pride, a vain attempt at gaining a top four spot, or a desperate attempt to attract the attention of other clubs before the summer transfer window opens, Romelu Lukaku will turn up at Huddersfield this weekend, full of vim and vigour.

I’m personally looking forward to the goal-laden LukakuWatchYIRMA this weekend.

Bring. It. On.


Captain: Jamie Vardy, Leicester City

There’s good form, great form and Jamie Vardy form.

The man is on fire, and he’s going to be facing a team that plays a defensive line so high that if it was adopted in GoT or Avengers Endgame, the show would have ended after 30 minutes.

Don’t lecture me about spoilers! You f*king ask me for them every bloody week! Make up your minds!

Anyway, Vardy to run riot and secure the title for Liverpool. You heard it here first.

Outsider: Ryan Babel, Fulham

Fulham travel to Molineux to face high flying Wolves, absolutely certain of a resounding victory. Everyone has now realised that the bottom four teams in the Premier League are like Kryptonite to Nuno Espirito Santo and his troops. I expect the now veteran clog merchant to continue his fine form for the Cottagers by extending their winning run to four games.

Draft: Sergio Rico, Fulham

Three clean sheets on the spin and a banker against Wolves. Nobody else owns him, so you should.

Fantasy Football – Gameweek 37 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof

Spurs, Palace, Liverpool and More Liverpool

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