#FPL Gameweek 18 Review: Written by @JackAGoodwin
Arr Christmas – Christmas is edging ever so close, any of us doing anything other than reading this beautiful post are likely prepping the meat, tidying up the spare bedroom or manically deciding whether you’ve bought enough and should pop to the big Asda for last minute gifts.
Christmas is here folks, what a time, what a jolly, jolly time!
Let us dive right in to last weekends GW18 results and have some fun as I try and squeeze any sign of relevance in putting Jack Grealish’ face on the Grinch poster (and many more questionable decisions)
Everton 0-0 Arsenal
Poor Duncan and Freddie, poor, poor sods. They had to go out there tracksuits and everything whilst their clubs new, better, more successful managers looked down on them from the stands – judging them entirely. Yes, Carlo (strange appointment) and Mikel (even stranger hair) were in attendance to watch the absolute sh*t-state of a team they’re both taking control of just in time for the festive period. Everton had 0 shots on target, and Arsenal managed 2. What a cracker to start our booze-filled holiday!
Bournemouth 0-1 Burnley
I dunno, it’s a sad time for Bournemouth at the moment – not only must they play all of their home games in Bournemouth (actually, Boscombe), but then they’re playing so badly they may as well not really bother and go visit the 20+ players in the hospital. The team is littered with injuries and welcomed Burnley and Sean’s merry men. Yes, as the picture alludes to, Bournemouth were left at home defending themselves against much bigger opposition – yet this time there were no flame-throwers or paint on a string for Eddie to launch at Sean’s massive slab. (Sean would make a cracking comedy villain…)
Aston Villa 1-3 Southampton
Ah! What’s going on here then? Jack Grealish, the unanimously hated man due to his obsession with showing of his lovely shins and waxing his hair to near comical heights – is…playing well at the moment. Sure, we still unquestionably hate the chap, but FPL wise he’s a tidy pick. Slightly overshadowed by the guests at Villa Park however as the Ings Rave passed right through. Danny Ings is becoming a must-have – all until FPL Dave recommends him it seems (there’s a curse, I’m positive). For some it may be too late to jump at Ings, Chelsea, Tottenham, Leicester, Wolves & Liverpool all before February may see his lovely light dim.
Brighton 0-1 Sheffield United
Sheffield are getting giddy now aren’t they? Well giddy. They’ve becoming more urgent and impulsive, guaranteed Chris Wilder has a banging head with the rush of excitement his team are producing. It’s a fun, flirty dance with the top-6 that will turn, grimly, in a month or so when Son decides to two-footed lunge at King Lundstram and then cry about it as if he didn’t mean it. Without the King, what are Sheffield anymore? But for now, everyone is staring at Chris Wilder and he’s buzzing, actually buzzing.
Newcastle 1-0 Crystal Palace
What a lovely man Miguel Almiron is – how can you not have roared with delight when the kid finally, FINALLY scored a goal for Newcastle. His little face lighting up and legging it over to a poor 8-year old kid who proceeded to get crushed by the Toon Army as Almiron’s goal saw Newcastle win all 3 points. He’s loved by the fans, and speaking from someone who follows MLS footie, he has top talent within him he’s just not found it here in England – until now! Man United up next, so FPL players should be transferring the fella in right away if only for that game alone. Aww – small manly tear in my eye watching that game. I’m not crying though, just cutting onions for the turkey bath…
Norwich 1-2 Wolves
Daniel Farke is somehow dragging himself to each game – bruise-like bags under his eyes, massive bottle of Evian, metabolised alcohol smell coming off his skin and hair despite the shower he had earlier, crusted lips – and, irritatingly, everyone else seems quite fresh-eyed and sober. The Pukki Party was all too much for him. Wobbling up from the dugout occasionally with a massive fleece wrapped around him, Farke could only watch as the soberer Wolves took another glimmer of hope away from Norwich. After the game Farke just walked into the dressing room with a big bottle of vanilla Coke and a Double Decker Duo and sat in the ice bath. Side note, Traore’s got massive muscles, though hasn’t he? Madness.
Manchester City 3-1 Leicester
The night before Leicester played City all was well, all was right in the dressing room and the Leicester team all went out in Christmas jumpers pre-empting the victory over City they will claim. City had other ideas however, as Pep successfully spiked the WKD Blue fountain that Vardy provided for the party and the match was over before it’d started. The better team throughout, how the hell did this side lose to Man United we will never, ever understand. Super captain choice KDB this week also trolled everybody by not bothering and getting a yellow card before pretending to hobble off before giving a Ronaldo-pricky-wink to the hard camera as he left the field.
Watford 2-0 Manchester United
It’s funny though, isn’t it? United. Gotta laugh, gotta keep laughing Jack or else those tears will flow down your face. HAHAHA!…Ole is becoming a record breaker and not for the right reasons, sure we all love the bloke but is he a manager? I once got REALLY good at Goldeneye 64, does that mean I am qualified to join the UK Government and become a super-secret spy guy? The answer is unanimous. Ole = Elf. We all love you, mate. But the harder we look at you we actually realise you’re not actually as good as we think (i.e. Elf, have you seen the bat-shit beginning to that movie? Do you even know what I am talking about anymore?!). So yeah, Watford, bottom of the league Watford, easily swept aside Man United and it was very much deserved.
Tottenham 0-2 Chelsea
BREAKING NEWS! Jose has checked himself into a hotel in Edinburgh with the intention of travelling down for games in an act of absolute madness – it. Has. Begun…The Jose era was fun though wasn’t it Spurs fans? This is the worse bit, because now we already question what Jose will do next and it’s either a big fat nothing or tactical genius grinding out the boring results. Frank on the other hand is still having a massive rollercoaster of a season but results like these will please the board coming into the first transfer window for over a year for Chelsea – so let’s be having so big names come in to our FPL teams please Roman! (no, not Demba Ba or Torres again).
Now let’s celebrate Christmas….. Actually no…. Go read the FY gameweek 19 Preview first!! HERE
FOLLOW JACK ON TWITTER @JACKAGOODWIN
Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!
He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.