Yet another international break draws to a close and we can all get back to the real business of FPL, free from these ridiculous breaks to our fantasy football rhythm for…wait, what?…another one in four weeks’ time?
Oh for the love of all that is holy, sweet, divine, innocent and pure.
All of this so a poxy winter world cup in poxy Qatar can line the pockets of poxy FIFA poxes.
Let me tell you, whoever Qatar draw in their home world cup are going to hammer them. Batter the bejaysus out of them because they are muck. Just awful. I watched Ireland walk rings around them this week with Callum Robinson looking like the real CR7 in world football. The hammering was so bad, the stadium announcer played ‘As my Qatar gently weeps’ on the tannoy at full-time. The scamp.
Defender: Ben White, Arsenal
With three clean sheets in his last four, including holding the much-vaunted and flavour-of-the-month Brighton scoreless last time out, the £4.4m Arsenal defender is too good to ignore at that price.
Monday Night Football awaits as Patrick Vieira returns to Arsenal with Crystal Palace, to face the side he had so much success with. Surely Sky Sports are going to stick Roy Keane and Gary Neville in the tunnel at The Emirates so if Patrick so much as glances at G Nev then Keano can recapture that glorious moment in Highbury sixteen years ago.
Sixteen years? Where does the time go, eh?
Anyway, Palace have blanked three times in seven matches this season, and I quite fancy another 1-0 for the Arsenal here. Old times indeed.
Midfielder: Heung-Min Son, Tottenham Hotspur
Spurs travel to a very, very hungover Newcastle this week (the whole town, not the squad) who are still celebrating the glorious news that their beloved club is now the richest in the world.
Despite all the money currently flooding into the Magpie coffers, it’ll take time to change the playing side, and as I type, they are still crap. Rich, but crap. 16 goals conceded in 7 games.
While Spurs are still suffering from Sulky McSulkerson not bothering his arse up front, the ever-reliable Son has decided he’s just going to do it all himself instead. In six appearances this season he has blanked just once and has three goals and two assists.
Forward: Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United
Fresh from a hat-trick for Portugal in midweek, Ronaldo faces Leicester City this weekend.
There’s been a lot of talk of the Ronaldo – Lukaku transfer switch in recent weeks, but when you look at the performance of the Leicester defence this season, and the performances of Brentford so far, I’m recommending you stay put for now.
Leicester, after starting their season with a clean sheet, have not kept one in the league since and are conceding an average of two goals a game. In fact, they’ve conceded exactly two goals in each of their last three outings, against the striking talents of, err, Brighton, Burnley and Palace.
There’s no way on God’s green earth that Ronaldo is benched again this week. He’s starting and he’s going to haul.
Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool
Yeah, he’s just ridiculous, isn’t he?
Seven games. Four double-digit hauls. Six goals. Four assists. Eleven bonus points. Outrageous.
This week Liverpool kick off the weekend action away to Watford, now under the tutelage of Claudio Ranieri. They’re being promised a meal if they keep a clean sheet, or something. Whatever.
I don’t normally like captaining a player in the early kick-off, but this is Mo Salah.
Outsider: Jarrod Bowen, West Ham United
While everyone has been entranced by Benrahma this season, Jarrod Bowen has notched a goal and two assists in his last three. He’s £0.3m cheaper and owned by less than 1%.