Liverpool, Arsenal and Leicester to Fire in the Blank Gameweek

Fantasy Football – Gameweek 33 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne


After the carnage/glory of Double GW32 (delete as appropriate), we are now slapped in the face by the proverbial wet haddock that is Blank GW33. Just the six matches this weekend, and the fare on Saturday looks as appetising as a bowl of Nigel Farage’s bile. Bournemouth, Burnley, Huddersfield, Leicester, Newcastle and Crystal Palace means that this Saturday night is the night to treat your significant other (or yourself if you’re single). Run that bath. Mix in those essential oils. Slip into something more comfortable. Dim the lights. Crank up the Kenny G. Then wallow in the glow of Match of the Day from your TV. Come on, you’re hardly going to miss it, are you?

Defender: Ben Chilwell, Leicester City

An away trip to the toothless Terriers awaits the Brodge and his band of merry foxes this weekend. Huddersfield are now officially relegated, which is like somebody handing Donald Trump a cert to officially tell him he’s an idiot. We all knew it for ages, but now it’s confirmed. Leicester secured their first clean sheet in what feels like a thousand years last time out, and will look to build on this momentum. Ben Chilwell is a forward thinking full back with four assists to his name this season, and with an ownership of just 3% he could well be that sneaky differential for you.


Midfielder: Mo Salah, Liverpool  

When strikers are going through a barren patch, you can calculate whether it’s a big issue or not by using a very scientific formula. This is tricky, so concentrate really hard:

  • If they’re missing chances, the drought will soon end, because they’re getting in the right places.
  • If they’re not missing chances, their goose is cooked and they should be farmed out or shot as soon as possible.

Mo Salah falls into the first category. Anybody who watches Liverpool (and I may have perused over a couple of their recent encounters) will know that he’s getting in all the right places, and is very, very, very close to doing some serious damage to somebody.

If a last minute spawny omnishambles assist to win arguably the biggest league game in the last 29 years for your club doesn’t breach the barren dam, then I’m not sure what will.

Forward: Alexandre Lacazette, Arsenal  

In the last NINE gameweeks, Laca has failed to score or assist just ONCE. That’s six goals and three assists as Arsenal have won five and drawn one of their last six league games to sit third in the table, above Spurs. Stop giggling! It’s rude! Understandable, but still rude.

While a trip to an in-form Everton seems to be a lot more daunting than it would have a month ago, Arsenal have their dander up, and you should always be wary of a gunner with his dander up. Plus Jordan ‘flappy hands’ Pickford hasn’t had the best of weeks, though I’m sure nobody in the Arsenal ranks will be repeating the alleged comment that allegedly led him to allegedly throw an alleged punch. Allegedly.



Captain: Jamie Vardy, Leicester City

There are some legendary double acts that always stick in the memory. Bert and Ernie. Abbott and Costello. Little and Large. Ant and Dec.

Brendan and Jamie have started their beautiful bromance, and it’s really starting to get attention. Six goals and one assist in seven league games for Vardy, who always seems like the kind of man who just needed someone to put an arm around his shoulder, a bottle of blue WKD in his hand, and whisper nonsensical motivational mantra into his ear.

Boy has he got the right manager. He’s going to rip the terriers to pieces this weekend.


Outsider: Yan Valery, Southampton  

26 points in his last four outings, featuring two goals and two clean sheets. This young Saints defender is making quite the impression under Ralph HagenDazsel Hanselanggrettel Hasenhuttl. In fact you wouldn’t be at all surprised if Jurgen Norbert Klopp took control of the pre-match music playlist and blasted out ‘Valerie’ by Amy Winehouse on loop.

He’d do it too. You know he would.


Draft: Paulo Gazzaniga, Spurs   

How many more times can Hugo ‘I’ve won a World Cup you know’ Lloris drop a b*llock and keep his place? I’m betting we’re down to the last one, and the next man in line is Gazzaniga. His current ownership? 0.0%. This is like getting in on the dot com boom before you knew what a computer was.



Fantasy Football – Gameweek 33 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne



Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof


Posted on 4 Apr 2019, in Player Selection and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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