Double Gameweek 26: They Just Keep On Coming!! Written by @NiallHawthorne With the news that ‘Frasier’ is coming back to our screens, joining the likes of Sex And The City in making a comeback, it seems that the 90’s are back, baby! I, for one, welcome this development. Obviously, I’m going to tell you why… […]
Double Gameweek 25: Official Fantasy Premier League
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Double Gameweek 25 Preview: Written by @NiallHawthorne Anyone else overwhelmed by the sheer volume of questions swirling around in their head right now? For instance, when will the schools reopen? When will I get my vaccine? Who is going on holidays now and thinking they’re not utterly selfish wallopers? Do they care? Am I […]
Fantasy Football Gameweek 23 Review: And Much More Important Things
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Dear All… Before I hand over to @JackAGoodwin for what is a great article… I’d just like to say I don’t care about this great article. Jack received some genuinely fantastic news today and I want him to share it with you guys that read his work on a daily basis. To Jack and the […]
Fantasy Football Gameweek 23: Brighton, United and a Southampton Defender?!
Written by Niall Hawthorne. Regular readers of this column will know that I have paid close attention to the Brexit negotiations over the years, with particular emphasis on the capability/mental capacity of the UK Government ministers involved. Thankfully for you all, Brexit is now done and dusted. Except, it’s not. Right now, right now the […]
The Fantasy Review – Lads, Poopers and Lingard
FPL GW22 REVIEW – Written by @JackAGoodwin
It’s been a minute since we spoke. Since, I’ve ventured into writing about wrestling for Inside The Ropes. I’ve been positive with Covid and then fortunately recovered. I’ve spent a couple weeks in the top 10k of FPL only for my team to collapse following a poorly timed Wildcard.
Needless to say, it’s been eventful.
But you guys, smashing through GW’s quicker than Martial can hit the deck just thinking about contact! What are we up to now? GW22? Madness.
ED: Ladies & Gentlemen… Jack’s Back
No, not the fantastic, beautiful, long-lost double crusted delight from Domino’s Pizza. But Double-Digit Dudes (copyrighting that, it feels right). 8 Players bagged double figures in GW22.
A 17-point haul for United pair Fernandes & Wan-Bissaka. This was Bruno’s 9th double digit haul of the season, AWB only his first in a steady season so far for the right back.
Just behind with 15 points was United fall guy Jesse Lingard who on his Hammers debut smashed home 2 goals. For just £5.9m and a couple tasty fixtures incoming it could be a punt to take (but only do so if Niall tells you it’s right).
Also on 15 was the ever-present Leicester defender James Justin, a whopping 28% of managers owns him so this was expected. He grabbed his 2nd goal of the season after a couple of blank GW’s. Fixtures are wavy at best though.
Martial grabbed 13pts with 2 goals (after blanking the last 5 GW’s), Brighton’s Alzate oddly scored 11 (I know, who!) and Maddison with yet again more returns took home 11pts in Leicester’s win over Fulham.
Last but not least, it was Palace’s Riedewald (only £4.4m and 0.9% owned) with 10pts after his goal against Newcastle. His game time is as rare as a day without a running update from Ryan, so it’s pretty rare indeed!
ED: Following a consistent knee problem, I had to take 3 days off running to try and let it recover. 3 Dark Days. I appreciate that information is not why you’re here, so if it’s of interest check out the FantasyYIRMA Running Blog over at….. nahhhh i’m not that bad (yet)
The guys you love to hate. The ones who crapped all over your GW’s. The scum, FPL scum (for this GW). 7 players. SEVEN PLAYERS scored MINUS figures this GW. Yes you guessed it, Arsenal and Southampton.
Leading from the back it’s Bednarek. -7 points. MINUS SEVEN. The 10% owned Saints midfielder had one of the worst GW’s on record after he scored an own goal in the 9-0 drubbing at the hands of Man United, but that’s not all folks! Chuck in a red card! What. A. Day.
Fellow Saints defenders Ramsay and Stephens took home -3 points after the 9 goals conceded plus a yellow card each. Joined in the -3 point club by Arsenal villain David Luiz after his controversial red card against Wolves.
On level -2 we see Saints pair Bertrand and Jankewitz just behind Bernd Leno who after his red took home a cool -1 point for his 8.5% owners.
Return of The Lads
Form is everything in FPL, some pick it up, some drop it and fumble it all over the place until suddenly your in the Championship and still called Josh King.
Here’s a few select lads from GW22 who rose from the depths of poor form.
Hey lads, remember Dominic Calvert-Lewin? Last seen scoring against Burnley in GW11, he now has the baby-faced James Rodriguez delivering finesse all over the pitch again. DCL (as we love to call him because his name is annoyingly long) finally found the net once again after that 8 game barren period. United, City AND Liverpool in their next 4 matches…Unlikely you’re bringing him in.
It’s been 6 games since Marcus Rashford scored, now I know it was a weird result, but he looked sharp! A goal and an assist in the 9-0 win, they have a favorable next 3 games, but will you risk bringing him in now?
Wolves Joao Moutinho scored his first goal of the season and took home literally his first FPL returns of the season. After 7 assists last season, is this the revival of his 19/20 form? Or a blip in the Matrix. All I know is Wolves boss Nuno Santo looks a bit like Morpheus. Do with that what you will.
King of the screamers, Jonjo Shelvey is back! Scoring his first goal of the season against Palace. After his first assist last GW, is this a sign of a more attacking threat coming from Toon Dr Evil?
Form, Form & More Form
Some can’t be ignored, for good reason. Here are some of your top in-form players and how they got on this GW.
West Brom’s Matheus Pereira is arguably the most in form in the League, this apparently didn’t faze Sheffield who shut him out for the 1-point return. With Spurs and Man United up next are you prepared to keep hold of him? He scored a total of 2 points in the reverse fixtures.
Ilkay Gundogan is on a mad one. Who many thought was a defensive midfield player is suddenly cracking out FPL returns more than we see bloody syringes on our FPL timelines (thanks Bhuna). An assist this GW against Burnley which was actually his first of the season only adds to his 7 goals so far. I still believe he is related to Jimmy Carr, but that debate is for another day.
6 clean sheets on the bounce is bound to grab FPL attention, so City defenders Stones, Dias, Cancelo and Zinchenko are hot right now – only Pep Roulette getting in the way! With Liverpool, Spurs, Arsenal and Man United in the next 6 GW’s this will be the biggest test of their defense – MOST will stick with them, the attacking returns are just too attractive.
Finally I want to focus your attentions to Leeds midfielder, Raphinha. 4 goals 4 assists this season, half of which all coming in the last 3 GW’s alone. Including a goal this past GW against Everton. Leeds have kind fixtures, and with Bamford also firing it’s a great time to invest in the attack minded Prem newbies!
Those FPL players who sit under 5% ownership but still returned! Are any of them worth looking at or was it just a one off like seeing the film Tenet, which, I guarantee if you decide to watch ever again in your life after first visit you may need to reconsider your life entirely – horrendous. Anyway…
1.5% owned Jesse Lingard, £5.9m, 15 point return on his West Ham debut. Invest.
4% owned Gabriel Jesus. Yeah, 2 goals in as many games but has the worlds most punchable face. Bin him.
0.6% owned Leandro Trossard from Brighton is (ironically) one of the only bright sparks in the squad. At just £5.7 he is slowly picking up form with the key assist in the win over Liverpool just after the goal scored to beat Spurs last GW. Coming up he has Burnley, Villa, Palace and West Brom. Real tempting to bring him in for those, an attack minded midfielder who if Brighton are going to score, he will be involved.
Billy Sharp? McTominay? Pepe? Benrahma? If you transfer these IN this week (and got this far in the review to even see this note) and they have attacking FPL returns in GW23 I will personally mail you some exclusive FPL stickers in the post. THAT’S how confident I am that they suck (in FPL).
Jack’s Final Fort (thought, but Northern)
Manchester United and Manchester City have confirmed that they’re up for the battle of not just Manchester this season. Leaving London (and Scouseland) in the dust for now.
Will it maintain? Most likely not, the biggest test for the Blue side of Mannie is this weekend against Liverpool who themselves are teetering on being out of the race after 2 defeats on the bounce.
GW22 we had FOUR 2-1 results, FOUR clean sheets and one being a record equaling 9-0. We saw “top six” Arsenal, Liverpool and Spurs drop points whilst Sheffield continue their fight to lift themselves off the bottom of the table.
Next week I predict….Villa to beat Arsenal, United drop points to Everton and Liverpool to finally pick it up a gear with a win over Man City – but I’ll leave Niall to work out how they’ll go about doing so!
Tata for now.
Fantasy Football – Player Picks Ahead of Gameweek 3
Gameweek 3 Preview – Season 2020/21 Written by @NiallHawthorne You see it, don’t you? Like Neo in The Matrix, you can see the pattern. You can de-code the future. It’s all so clear to you now. The events of GW1 and GW2 have illuminated the future like a steam locomotive barrelling down the tracks […]
GW #16 Review: YIMRA TV Box Sets
I know what you’re thinking, thank God Jack had the time this week to provide a thorough picture-full review for our enjoyment. I doubt you ever doubted me.
The powers that be at YIRMA HQ were over the moon with what I prepared for you three (I assume there’s still 3 confirmed readers of this?) this week…
The theme this week is TV Shows, and somehow I found 10 which I loosely tied into the results from the weekend and/or found reason to stick a players head onto a funny picture.
Hot off the press like a Greggs vegan sausage roll you’ve just sat on because you thought tucking it between your legs whilst driving would work – but now you’re left with pastry all over the place frantically crumbing in into the seats – here’s the GW 16 review…
Everton 3 – 1 Chelsea
Fresh from a victory against Villa, Lamp’s & Co rocked up to Everton pretty damn cocky. Duncan Ferguson in the hot seat for the Toffee’s saw Tammy Abraham swagger on to the pitch almost expecting to score. Not today sunshine – Duncan screamed effortlessly. Everton 2-0 up before Chelsea decided to wake up, but it was too little too late as the Toffee’s took the win. In other news, Chelsea financial director Ron Swanson was finally given the green light to make transfers in January and is already eyeing up a move for Chris Pratt & Aziz Ansari – although his first target is Amy Poehler as the new fitness coach.
Bournemouth 0 – 3 Liverpool
Liverpool are unstoppable. Sad, but true. Leicester’s party will only ever be second best to the Scouse rave, won’t it? I will bet anyone a £10 Burton voucher that Liverpool will win the league – that’s right, Burton (menswear). Spiralling back through the results so far, you have to assume that indeed it is ALWAYS sunny in Liverpool – it must be such a happy place (well, half of it) – like being in Denmark but with more robberies and folk you can’t understand. Liverpool performed a common assault on Bournemouth at the weekend, they didn’t see any of this coming. It was an intense 90 minutes that Eddie’s boys just weren’t ready for. “What’s going on, Eddie?” we heard the players cry. Only to be told “it’s alright lads, it’s over now, we can go and beat Chelsea next week”.
Tottenham 5 – 0 Burnley
Speaking of assaults. Jose’s inmates took the socks-of-soap to Burnley – 5 goals with no reply saw the Spurs faithful give Jose a rousing applause when he exited the field. We’re so fickle, us football fans, aren’t we? So, so fickle. Can you imagine any other elite manager on Earth going to a “rival” team and within a weak be 100% applauded? I’m not even talking a little, Spurs fans were loving life – guys you beat Burnley, at home, chill out, man. I would like for you to stare at the photo of Jose and the lads for some 300-400 seconds please. Tell me you wouldn’t watch that show immediately and I’ll hold a mirror firmly in front of your face and show you a dirty liar.
Watford 0 – 0 Crystal Palace
Please refer to the picture which epitomises the meaning “a picture paints a thousand hilarious words”. Palace had 0 shots on target after we all went mental over Zaha because some FPL genius’ decided he’s a good punt. Watford are bottom of the league and still 2.2% of us own Deulofeu (the most owned Watford player in FPL). 2.2% is now too many. Poop Show indeed, back to you Jack.
Man City 1 – 2 Man United
Thanks Jack…Got about a hundred thoughts going on, me. A million thoughts. I got a billion thoughts going on. If you tried to have a thought this morning and you couldn’t: that is because I was having all of them, over Man United somehow beating Man City in front of the world, for realz. I mean, where to dig into this party-sized cheesecake of a moment? Where do I tuck in first? This is the best thing Man United have done since, well, they did it to PSG. I am obsessed with watching this match on repeat. I still cheer every tackle by Wan-Bissaka, still nervous at every City attack (silently chuckling that the players aren’t aware that they will lose this match). It’s a delightful treat I never want to end. Alas, it will end, United will inevitably get beaten by Everton at the weekend. Was a good week though. Oh yeah, the picture…Speaks for itself really doesn’t it?
Villa 1 – 4 Leicester
Yeah alright that’s not a TV show but I couldn’t resist – I saw the poster and couldn’t help popping Rodgers and Vardy’s pouty faces on the bods. Rodgers must one day fulfil his prophecy and win the Premier League. He was born to do it, but the poor sod keeps getting pipped to the post. Once upon a time in Leicester this team swept the League, it’s happening again but only this time there’s something quite special up in Liverpool happening which is the footballing equivalent of party pooping. Sure, Leicester look fantastic. Sure, Leicester look very, very good. And sure, Vardy’s wife is still a little sneaky sausage we will not forgive (yet).
Newcastle 2 – 1 Southampton
Jonjo Shelvey was born to be an extra in British gangster films, but accidently became a high paid footballer instead. Jonjo wasn’t meant to score goals, yet here we are. Jonjo was supposed to be one of those guys in the back of a scene who don’t have any speaking lines, you just “assume” he’s got a foreign accent. Jonjo was built to appear side-by-side with Danny Dyer for a scene where he inexplicably gets punched in the face by a runaway chav in a moment of comic relief. Jonjo was set to earn a decent salary from being that guy who would eventually get a bit-part in Hollyoaks but only last until the Christmas storyline where he gets sent to jail for “life” as he may or may not have been caught giving drugs to the landlord’s daughters underage mate called Sheryl (spelt purposely with an S). Jonjo, is doing bits for Newcastle…And the Hasenhuttl circus rolls on, next stop West Ham.
Norwich 1 – 2 Sheffield United
When I was a kid, I loved wrestling if you didn’t know that already. I would pick my mate up routinely and throw him against the furniture until the sofa broke, someone bled, or my Dad caught and bollocked us – me for tombstoning him onto the carpet, him for being tombstoned (which was fair). What I am trying to say here is, even though Norwich are naff, AND the players are naff – absolutely nobody is getting a whack around the back of the legs for this. Clearly, it’s someone’s fault, right? Has Delia Smith been side-tracked by Christmas Cook Book release deadlines or something? Is Alan Partridge touring the city centre in a massive Pope-mobile? No excuses, someone deserves a sacking! On the flip side, Sheffield have once again found their winning ways after a Newcastle blip and are well in the mix for Europa spots still.
Brighton 2 – 2 Wolves
It’s not necessarily their fault, but the season-so-far journey that Wolves have embarked on is a football version of Frodo legging it out of his mushroom to chase a very posh British dragon screaming “I’m off on an adventure lads!”. Nuno (Gandalf) has convinced us all that this adventure could well be a success – based off last seasons performance they’re aiming to be a top table European-place challenging team for the long term. Last season they relied heavily on Jimenez. This season, he’s got little Bilbo-Jota helping him out and banging in some screamers of his own. Brighton played well, the draw was deserved, but going forward Wolves still look a strong squad but with one eye on Europa in the new year will they get distracted/fatigued/eaten by a massive dragon?
West Ham 1 – 3 Arsenal
Arsenal are a right show this year. We blast them, we praise them, we love them, we hate them all within 90 minutes. We dish out the reviews, Arsenal serve it back to us with a panto precision even Christopher Biggins would be impressed with. This week, they started the show poorly, leading us to believe it’s all gone Shane Ritchie in EastEnders (really rubbish to watch). But no, a quick flip-reverse and they go ahead to score 3 and take an easy 3 points away from the London 2012 Olympics Stadium (I refuse to acknowledge any other name for it). We’re fans, at the end of the day, fans just wanting to be entertained. We don’t care if Arsenal have 10 ex-players come and “have a go” at manager this season, we’re not expecting much, who really cares anyway until they hire Sol Campbell?
Lastly a random shout out but one worthy of a mention in my opinion.
@_Bands_FC have this week been collaborating with @OneMinuteBriefs to create some amazing, inspiring and powerful poster art to raise awareness for equality and to stop racism in our wonderful game of football using the concept of Music x Football. A great cause, with some great results – if you haven’t already, go and check them out by searching for #LoveMusicLoveFootballHateRacism
(here’s a couple of my submissions….)
FOLLOW JACK ON TWITTER @JACKAGOODWIN
Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin
Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!
He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.
Liverpool, Brighton and Newcastle make the Preview – No Brexit, No Trump
Fantasy Football – Gameweek 12 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne Sing along together! “3, 6, 9, the margins are fine Pep feeling the pressure and starting to whine Tension stoked, who’s gonna choke And they all meet at Anfield to see who’s the GOAT” Ed: No idea what tune I’m supposed to be […]
Arsenal’s Unai Emery – You’re Fired…and 9 others Get the Chop!
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GW #11: FPL x Apprentice The best show on TV is currently airing, don’t @me any other shows. The Apprentice is the best show. So special that everyone involved ultimately loses, almost always catastrophically. Leaving their “normal” jobs to pretend to do business and then when they lose they must pop on a big […]
Fantasy Football – Gameweek 11 Preview –
Written by @NiallHawthorne
Many of you now have big decisions to make. Those you have previously chosen have left you down, and not delivered what you wanted. But as ever there’s a chance to change your mind and get it right this time. Who’s going to deliver what you need? Who’s going to make your life better? Who’s going to (finally) deliver on all that promise?
Yep, just as each FPL decision is important, the upcoming General Election in Britain is a once in a lifetime event in terms of importance and significance, and you have a chance to choose your future.
But let’s be honest, your choices for GW11 are significant too, so let’s go!
Defender: Marcos Alonso, Chelsea
Considering the fact that Alonso missed the first 4 GW’s of the season, his points haul of 36 points in 6 weeks is bloody impressive and too good to ignore.
This week Chelsea are away to Watford who are the lowest scorers in the league this season with a sensationally crap five goals in ten matches. Chelsea and Alonso have three clean sheets in his six appearances, and are aiming for a hat-trick of consecutive clean sheets. Throw in his attacking ambition and this really seems to be a no-brainer this week.
Midfielder: Youri Tielemans, Leicester City
Last season’s post-January break out star started a bit slowly this season, but just like his team, is now flying high. He has twenty points from his last two outings which have yielded two goals, an assist and two bonus points.
The humiliation that the Foxes inflicted on the Saints should ensure none of them get past the Pearly Gates when the time comes, but that’s a while away, so I suspect that they’ll continue to plunder points and make life hell for opponents. This weekend they visit Crystal Palace, and I’m tipping Tielemans to continue his scorching form.
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Forward: Marcus Rashford, Manchester United
Trying to analyse this Manchester United team is like trying to analyse Brexit. Nobody really knows what’s going on, what’s going to happen, and any predictions will make you look like a bloody fool.
Hi everybody! I’m a bloody fool!
The return of Anthony Martial will free up Marcus Rashford to return to his far more effective wide forward role (probably), and United really battered Norwich City last weekend. The two missed penalties spared the Canaries’ blushes, but it did show that United may be finding form going forward.
A trip to Dean’s Court this weekend offers further attacking opportunity. While Bournemouth are off the back of a couple of clean sheets, they’ve been against Norwich and Watford. Boasting about that would be akin to me boasting about my ability to put on my pants every morning. People are grateful, but it’s really nothing more than society expects. The Cherries won’t be keeping a clean sheet this weekend, you can take the word of a bloody fool on that.
Captain: Any Manchester City Attacking Player You Trust Pep To Pick, Manchester City
What’s the one thing you don’t want to have to face after you concede 9 (NINE) goals at home in a league game? That’s right, a trip to the highest scorers in the league. Unfortunately for Southampton, it’s even worse, and they face TWO trips to the highest scorers in the league. Football, eh?
This is the biggest no-brainer of the season allied with the trickiest selection dilemma since Love Island finished.
You know City are going to batter Southampton. But who will do the damage? Will Aguero start? If you know he will, it’s Triple Captain territory. But he started midweek (scoring twice) and hasn’t started in the league since 1976 or so it seems. Raheem will fill his boots, yeah? But Pep knows his side will stroll it, so will he rest him? Kevin De Bruyne then! Probably….But if at the end of the match this weekend, it wouldn’t at all surprise me to see Mahrez with 25 points, and all of the above with 1 point each after 90 second cameos off the bench.
But you should captain one of them!
Outsider: Kieran Tierney, Arsenal
He’s now started playing league games, and only 1.0% own him. Time to get him in, purely for the attacking potential. Also, Arsenal may stumble upon a clean sheet or two in the next few weeks as they face Southampton, Norwich and Brighton.
Worth a punt?
Draft: Dejan Lovren, Liverpool
A humongous 0.2% of FPL players own him in the classic game, and he seems to be getting the nod over Gomez in the league. If he’s available, get him in. Klopp knows best. So join Mrs. Lovren and Mo Salah and get him in your squad.
Fantasy Football – Gameweek 11 Preview – Written by @NiallHawthorne