Fantasy Football Review Meets Disney… Really

#FPL Gameweek 22 Review: Written by @JackAGoodwin

 

GW #22 Review: Reader Vote – Disney x FPL

So, why Disney I hear you cry. Obviously I am losing my touch and I need help. People also like to give an opinion, so I opened it up to Twitter and Disney was the resounding winner. Truth be told, I was very, VERY happy with the results as it’s a topic I’d have all-but planned anyway (38 GameWeeks, some of them I am totally clutching at straws!).

We’re all older now, we’ve slumped into our little grooves of life, yet Disney is something we can all still relate. We’re busy with children, full-time jobs, me sat here writing about a football game for “the lads” on Twitter at 32 years old, yet still we all find time for Disney.

Disney is our inner-child, so let’s unlock it as we delve into the Disney archives and try to compare what happened in GW22 with actual Disney Films – wish me luck!

 

Sheffield United 1-0 West Ham

How could I not? Blades boss Chris Wilder is as square-headed as a human fod can be – matching almost perfectly with the sweet pissed-off old chap (Carl)from Up. Quite fitting that Sheffield are in fact heading “UP” once again up the Premier League table with a hard-fought win over The Moyes Boys©. The McLad McBurnie scored the only goal of the game as King Lundstram waltzed into more clean sheet points for an attacking midfielder. Interestingly McBurnie then donned his best chav-jacket and rave hat to go cheer on his local team (gun finger celebrations and all, apparently).

 

Crystal Palace 1-1 Arsenal

Before we all over-analyse Aubameyang’s decision to try and break legs (deserved it anyway), I want us to visit the issue we have with Arsenal as a whole. I see Arsenal play and I see 11 players all playing as individuals, they don’t care, they accepted a lucrative deal to live in London for a few years with lovely changing rooms. Problem is, Arsenal Fan TV, as hilarious as it’s always been, are now becoming immune to the shite on the pitch. They’ve stopped being funny, they’ve accepted that their team is a bit naff. Mikel has come in with his glorious hair and tried to steady the ship to no avail, Arsenal still suck, whatever he touches it’s breaking around him even with the best of intentions. Three things to summarise; 1) Mikel needs to shave his head like Pep to get anything good out of the squad. 2) AFTV need something to cry about, bring back Wenger! 3) Look at David Luiz as Sonic, beautiful.

Chelsea 3-0 Burnley

Poor bloody Sean. Poor sod. Burnley are going from bad to worse, this past week they had a very bad day in the office as Lampard & Co. put 3 past them with no response. The answer is, unfortunately, to do as Shaun would and head to the Winchester (aka Championship), have a nice cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over. Some players look like they’ve already run out of steam which is a worry – reinforcements are required this window!

 

Everton 1-0 Brighton

Is this a bizarre career pivot for Carlo? A little bit, yes. Is it a near perfect start with his new comrades? Yes. It is going to last? Let’s not get carried away now. Everton have certainly found their new groove as it were, new manager bounce is common (unless you’re Arsenal) so let us enjoy this whilst it lasts, he’ll soon be telling reporters to put some respect on his name and bragging about his history. No-one care Jose 2.0, no-one cares….And stop looking so damn concerned about literally anything happening around you, it’s weird.

 

Leicester 1-2 Southampton

We all fear it, missing the bandwagon. A terrible feeling we all go through. Be it personal rivalries, complete disagreement or a sheer lack of giving a toss – we’ve all chosen one way or another to avoid a bandwagon at one point. Vardy of the title-winning season was one of the biggest, this season it’s Ings. Even against Leicester he managed to be King. That sinking feeling, sweat beading, heart racing, you had Jiminez instead didn’t you? Leicester took an unfamiliar loss here, the party was momentarily stopped, Vardy is livid. It’s ok, Burnley is next, crank up the Spotify fellas the party is back on! (Oh and probably jump aboard Ings too, Wolves & Palace next is sure to bring in a couple more for Danny Boy).

 

Man United 4-0 Norwich

A strange feeling as a United fan. Very strange. Sure, we won, convincingly, but I’m torn between wanting us to pick up form again with super happy chappy Ole at the wheel smiling through every damn interview about how we’re on a journey – OR would I rather us get even worse, thus leaving the board no choice but to sell United to Arabs, sack Ole and Woodward and become City 2.0. The latter seems more fun, right? In other news, Norwich as so bad, like, really bad aren’t they. Pukki is a distant memory and Cantwell/Buendia need to find a new home before they are swallowed back into the Championship handcuffed to Delia Smith.

 

Wolves 1-1 Newcastle

Steve Bruce was never billed to perform miracles on Tyneside. Stability, a few cheeky wins and perhaps find a player who will make enough money to fund Sport Direct for another few years. Step one, nailed it, they’re nothing special but a threat to most teams on their day. Step two, Almiron. The kid who looks like he was picked from backroom at Sports Direct, the one who gets the radio check “Miguel can I have a size 9 Pred’ please, the black one” to which Miguel brings out a size 8 in red and says “it’s all we have, if you want to try these” as if our feet are suddenly capable of dropping a size because Miguel suggested it – we try anyway. Miguel, now AWOL from the storeroom is finally finding form on the pitch. The kid was phenomenal in the MLS (I know, crap league) but he’s got raw talent and, with time, could breakout in the Premier League. #CalledIt

Tottenham 0-1 Liverpool

I feel like Kate Nash. Let that sentence settle for a moment. I feel like I’ve eaten so many lemons, ‘cos I am so bitter. Liverpool as bloody good and it eats away at my soul each and every week. It used to be us (I scream internally), United, hell even Man City now are looking up to a team who have far surpassed anything we’d ever thought they would. I hold Sir Alex Ferguson personally responsible for the demise of Manchester United, look at him in the stands, he’s fine! Could’ve had another 5 or so years out of him – ungrateful. But yeah, Liverpool, pretty damn good aren’t they? Jose could only do what Jose does best and defend with his life to save an embarrassing score line, 1-0 loss seems a decent result in the circumstance.

Bournemouth 0-3 Watford

To get to the heart of the matter we’re going to play a lovely game I call, Relegation or No Relegation. Looking at Bournemouth if it wasn’t for the hot start to the season they’d be unanimously Relegation, they’re teetering. Watford on the other hand we’re destined for Relegation but have themselves a fancy new manager who’s making quite the case for No Relegation. No doubt about it, these two are slugging it out for survival. Bournemouth have had a fairy-tale last decade, just escaped administration in 2009 to now a Premier League mainstay team (for now) – All the while Eddie Howe has been a part of the setup. Will he finally move on should they get relegated? Will they even get relegated? Answers on a postcard please, addressed to: FantasyYIRMA Jack, England (It’ll find me, don’t worry).

Aston Villa 1-6 Man City

And finally, we have this lot. The noisiest of noisy neighbours. Pep’s ever-present roulette in full spin as we were treated to an Aguero super-show whilst Raheem sat on the bench not doing anything untoward, yet the media will suggest he was making gang-signs at Jack Grealish when really he was just sneezing (Grealish deserved it anyway). Villa trolled us all with a last-minute goal to wipe out most of the clean sheet points we’d already mentally tallied up for our teams but no bother, if you had Mahrez or Aguero you’re still chuckling to yourself today pointing your know-it-all fingers right at all the Liverpool captainers (most of us).

 

FOLLOW JACK ON TWITTER @JACKAGOODWIN

 

 

 

Written by Jack A. Goodwin -Follow him on Twitter @JackAGoodwin

Jack is an “alternative FPL writer” (Who knew, right?) looking for hidden tales behind the most obscure players, dark humour in the game and the creative storytelling to the most mundane of GameWeeks!

He’s played the official game for over 7 years, running leagues throughout the offices of his day job.

Posted on 14 Jan 2020, in Player Selection and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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