After a full fortnight of petty squabbles, promising signs that evaporated into empty promises and prominent figures making themselves look very, very silly, we can now say goodbye to COP26, pretend that the International break never happened and settle into a veritable orgy of FPL for the next 11 gameweeks. For a quarter of the […]
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Fantasy Football Preview – Gameweek 11
This week we’ve seen the majority of world leaders descend on Glasgow to have a chat about, well, saving the planet.
David Attenborough scolded them all like children, and in fairness, he’s allowed.
Boris and Biden decided to have a snooze while climate experts were trying to inform them of just how far up shit creek we are without a paddle (Answer: Pretty far up, and it wasn’t a sh*t creek before the Tories allowed their mates to pump raw sewage into it)
Greta Thunberg stood outside and called them all bad names.
COP26? Should be COPONTOYOURSELVES26.
Onto GW11!
Defender: James Chilwell / Ben Reece, Chelsea
I’ll be honest, you should have either/or/both in your team this weekend as Chelsea host Burnley at Stamford Bridge.
Seven clean sheets for Chelsea and only three goals conceded all season. Both were rested in midweek so should be certain to start.
How to choose between them? Well James is owned by a few % less and is slightly cheaper. So, him, probably.
Midfielder: Emile Smith-Rowe, Arsenal
Regular readers will recall that I tipped ESR as an outsider tip a few weeks ago, stating that he was in the last-chance saloon in my squad. He then blanked, but I spared him and kept him.
Of course, I benched him for the next week when he hauled, put him in for two more weeks, when he blanked, benched him again when he hauled, and I have finally decided to start him every week.
ESR is now showing consistency and this week Arsenal welcome Watford, who conversely are showing incredible inconsistency so far under Ranieri. Concede five, then score five, then lose 1-0 at home. Who knows what will show up at The Emirates?
I’m backing Smith-Rowe to continue his current form which has seen him score three and assist two in his last five starts.
Forward: Jamie Vardy, Leicester City
After a shocking run of form that has seen Vardy pick up just two points in GW’s 9 & 10, Leicester City now travel to play struggling Leeds United, who just about squeaked past Norwich City.
For those worried about a potential European hangover after the Foxes play in the Europa League this week, know this: In three FPL fixtures following a Europa League game, Vardy has scored 8 points, 8 points and…err…1 point, but he was injured at half-time in that one.
Leeds have one clean sheet all season, and even conceded to Norwich. I rest my case.
Captain: Mo Salah, Liverpool
Yeah, he’s just ridiculous, isn’t he?
Ten games. Six double-digit hauls. Ten goals. Seven assists. Sixteen bonus points. Outrageous.
Granted, he’s off the back of a DISASTER last weekend with just an assist, but we must keep the faith.
It’s away to West Ham this week. He’s had fun at the London Stadium in recent seasons. In four away games at West Ham for Liverpool, Salah has five goals and an assist. In eight games in total against West Ham for Liverpool, Salah has nine goals and two assists.
In summary: Salah always hammers the Hammers.
Outsider: Leandro Trossard, Brighton & Hove Albion
How about an out of position midfielder playing up front in an improving, attractive, attacking side, owned by less than 2% and costing just £6.4m.
Oh, and he has two goals, an assist and five BPS this season.
Ladies and Gents, I present to you Leandro Trossard.
Your move…
Fantasy Football Gameweek 10: Just one Cornet goal!. Give it to me!
Oct 29
Written by @NiallHawthorne It’s that time of the year again when ‘Wintertime’ begins. The Premier League will no doubt unveil it’s ‘Winter Ball’, which is never blue, even though it feels like it should be. The clocks will turn back an hour, for most. Brexiteers hope and pray it turns back to when […]
Fantasy Football Preview: Gameweek 9 – Chelsea, Palace, Wolves and Mo Salah
Oct 22
Farewell Steve Bruce, we hardly knew thee. Actually, that’s bobbins, we know thee only too well. 1,000 games? Man dear, that’s one hell of an achievement for him, and I couldn’t damn him with more faint praise if I tried. Still though, that’s a nice payoff if rumours are to be believed. In any case, […]
Fantasy Football Preview – Gameweek 8: Arsenal, Spurs and West Ham
Oct 15
Written by @NiallHawthorne Yet another international break draws to a close and we can all get back to the real business of FPL, free from these ridiculous breaks to our fantasy football rhythm for…wait, what?…another one in four weeks’ time? Oh for the love of all that is holy, sweet, divine, innocent and pure. All […]
Fantasy Football Gameweek 7: Chelsea, Leeds and Watford?
Oct 1
Written by @NiallHawthorne I’ve been amused this week by the contrast between Britain and Ireland in relation to the supposed ‘post-pandemic new normal’. In Ireland they were told they’re likely to get a new Bank Holiday as a thank you to front-line workers, and the Irish people in general, for their fortitude throughout the crisis. […]
So, we face our winter of discontent.
It’s not like we haven’t been warned. They do say that all the Hollywood movies and TV shows are secretly designed to prepare us for the future. We know what to expect when the aliens come from Independence Day. We know what to expect from cataclysmic climate change from The Day After Tomorrow. And we know what to expect from a hard, brutal winter from Game of Thrones. Winter is indeed coming.
Food shortages. Power outages. Fuel costs rocketing. Soda streams banned. Covid lockdown after covid lockdown on the horizon. It’s all ahead of us during the bleak, dark months ahead.
Thanks be to goodness we have this fun, amazing game to make us all happy right? Right?
Onto GW6!
Written by Mr. Niall http://twitter.com/niallhawthorneHawthorne
Defender: Gabriel, Arsenal
Tipping an Arsenal defender, the man has clearly gone simply mad.
Well, yes, I have, but over some other issues. For FPL I’m clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.
Arsenal are off the back of two clean sheets (admittedly against Burnley and Norwich) but they are facing a Spurs side featuring Sulky McSulkerson up front (also known as Harold Kane) and have looked as threatening up front as a baby lamb in spring over the past two weeks. Roy Keane was not impressed, and nobody could really say he was wrong.
If Gabriel keeps a clean sheet here, dreams really do come true.
Arteta can make it three wins on the spin in a North London derby, and in doing so he’ll effectively secure his position until after Christmas at least. I reckon we’re going back to simpler times here.
1-0 to the Arsenal.
Midfielder: Allan, Everton
Remember when you had to be a really, really, REALLY good player to just have one name? Pele. Maradona. Zico.
Now every no-mark has one, and while I’m including Allan in this list, I’m also tipping him to be a peach of an outsider bet for your midfield this week.
Everton host a truly woeful Norwich City side who are on a run of 124,862 consecutive Premier League defeats under Daniel Farke (or something close to that number). They’ve lost every game this season in the league, were just battered by Liverpool B/C in midweek and are there for the taking.
They’ll play three at the back again, try and sit deep and contain, so Everton need the right tool for the job.
Allan’s key.
Forward: Michail Antonio, West Ham United
If you knee-jerked and sold him after his red card in GW4, then you’re either slapping yourself in the face repeatedly, or doing all kinds of transfer nonsense to get him back in for this week.
If you were calm and patient while benching him for GW5 then yours is the world and everything in it.
Antonio returns nice and refreshed against a Leeds side leaking goals at an alarming rate in the Premier League. In four appearances it’s four goals and four assists for Michail and you’ll be a brave man to back against him improving those figures.
Captain: Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United
Aston Villa visit Old Trafford this Saturday lunchtime having conceded three goals in each of their two away games this season.
While it’s no disgrace to concede three at Stamford Bridge, conceding three at Vicarage Road is well dubious.
Ronaldo is no doubt seething about last weekend where he was hauled down at least twice in the box only to have both the referee and another referee staring straight at a TV screen turn down his appeals. Presumably just for a laugh. There’s no other logical explanation.
If I know Manchester United, and I think I do, Ronaldo is going to be awarded at least two penalties in this game and I reckon he nets a hat-trick too.
It’ll be a torrid time for Aston Villa’s defence but surely, it’s a d:ream to play Ronaldo. After this, Mings can only get better….
Outsider: Jordan Brian Henderson, Liverpool
If you cast your mind back a couple of seasons, before pandemics were a thing and Liverpool were chasing a league title (which they missed out on by a point), Jordan Henderson was moved to a more advanced ‘8’ role by Jurgen Klopp, and it worked.
Well, here we go again. Henderson is playing far more advanced, getting in the box, creating, and shooting with regularity. He’s just £5.0m and owned by less than 1%. You could do worse.
Your move…
As I type the fallout from the Boris Johnson cabinet reshuffle is dominating the UK news media, but should we be surprised that Boris has decided to do this now?
Far be it for me to call the Prime Minister a populist, but even he must have seen the buzz and clamour about wildcards in FPL over the last couple of weeks and thought that he too fancied a bit of that.
So out goes Dominic Raab, and in comes Liz Truss. Farewell Gavin Williamson and welcome on board Nadhim Zahawi. So long Robert Jenrick, and hello to Michael Gove.
Life is really but a game, isn’t it?
Onto GW5!
Defender: Max Kilman, Wolverhampton Wanderers
Last week I tipped a Wolves defender and Romain Saiss did not let me down, delivering a first clean sheet of the season as Wolves walloped Watford.
This week I like their prospects of another clean sheet against a Brentford side who have only scored three goals this season, and two of them were against Arsenal, so y’know….
Therefore, I’ve decided to pick a player that sounds like he would be what Americans would have called James Bond, had they thought of him first – Max Kilman.
Now I’d like to make it clear that to the best of my knowledge Max has never harmed a fly, but he can do your team a power of good with a clean sheet this weekend. Owned by less than 0.5% and costing just £4.5m, can you afford NOT to go with him?
Midfielder: Demarai Gray, Everton
Great managers don’t just create good teams, they unleash the potential of good players to become great players.
Rafa Benitez is once again doing Rafa Benitez things, with Everton sitting joint top of the Premier League after picking up three wins and a draw in their opening four fixtures.
Rafa’s capture of the eternally-promising-but-never-delivering Demarai Gray raised a couple of eyebrows this summer, but in fairness it’s proven to be a masterstroke thus far. A goal in three consecutive games means that Gray is finally starting to deliver on the undoubted potential he has always possessed, but never quite realised.
An away fixture beckons to an Aston Villa side who have conceded seven in four games with just one clean sheet against Newcastle United. For £5.7m he’s looking like a real bargain pick.
Forward: Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Arsenal
During pre-season when Harry Kane was taking an extended holiday, all the FPL talk was of avoiding ‘premium’ forwards and instead load your team with high-value midfielders.
Then Ronaldo and Lukaku arrived and that plan was ripped up faster than a Brexit trade deal. Suddenly we all needed an expensive striker or two.
However, there’s a man who in the not too distant past plundered 22 goals in consecutive seasons, smashing the 200-point barrier, and today he costs less than ten million FPL pounds. He’s owned by just 2.2% of players, and he got his goal tally moving last weekend with the only goal of the game and all three bonus points.
This weekend he faces a Burnley side who seem to have become everybody’s second-most-hated team. They’ve shipped eight goals in four games, and if (admittedly it’s a big if) Arsenal can turn things around, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang may well prove to be a bargain.
Captain: Trent Alexander-Arnold, Liverpool
Way back in GW1 I may have casually mentioned that Trent may become a viable captaincy choice this season, but even I hadn’t thought it would come this early.
However, with three clean sheets, two assists and eight bonus points in just four games, the time is now. Two 12-point hauls already and a home fixture against a more adventurous Crystal Palace side coming to Anfield (who he has scored against in the past).
It’s bold. It’s brave. It’s not for the faint of heart.
Outsider: Andrew Omobamidele, Norwich City
If you’re like me, you normally brave the International breaks, get your head down and wait for the fun to return. However, this time I learned something while watching the Republic of Ireland play, and that is the emergence of Andrew Omobamidele. He was sensational against Portugal and Serbia, and even caught the eye of his club manager at Norwich as Daniel sat up on his couch, said ‘Farke’ and put him in his first XI last weekend.
Just £3.9m you know. He’s an FPL squad enablers dream.
Your move…
Gameweek 1 Preview: Fantasy Football – Bruno or BruNO??
Aug 11
Preview Written by Mr @NiallHawthorne Well Hello…. Nice to see you again. Yes, you. You’re looking splendid. New #FPL accounts may come along with ChattySnaps and Tok-Tiks and Instabook Spaces or whatever, but here at FantasyYIRMA towers, we keep it old school. We’re always here (this is the 135th season in a row providing FPL […]
Written by Niall The Legend Hawthorne
We finally reach the end of this turgid, harrowing, depressing, weird, condensed FPL season.
To those of you who are winning you should know that this season will forever have an Asterix next to it and it doesn’t count.*
To those of you like me who have languished badly all season and the game stopped making sense, you shall inherit the earth. It’s the game that’s wrong, not you.
Roll on GW1 of next season when we’ll have sunshine, fans in stadiums and normality back once more. We’ll have a cracking four team title race, nine teams in relegation trouble all season long, VAR will finally work like it’s supposed to, and Micah Richards will body slam Gary Neville after the laughing finally stops.
Onto GW38!
Defender: Stuart Dallas, Leeds United
Let’s finish the season with the top-scoring defender in the game, eh?
Earlier this season Leeds United walloped The Baggies by five, with Dallas getting an assist, three bonus points and a 12-point haul. With Big Sam departing stage left holding a pint of wine in his right hand and a gravy boat in his left hand, West Brom players will have their minds elsewhere as they frantically try to get a new contract at a Premier League club. If your name is not Pereira, best of luck with that.
Dallas to score, keep a clean sheet and then step out of the shower after the game to reveal that this whole season has just been a dream.
We can hope.
Midfielder: Gareth Bale, Tottenham Hotspur
Gareth Bale has 9 goals, 3 assists and has played over 60 minutes in a game just 9 times this season.
If he could ever be arsed about football again, he’d be amazing.
Alas his head doesn’t seem to be in the game anymore, and after this game nobody has a clue as to where he will end up next season – The Real Madrid bench? The Spurs team? The golf course? Your guess is as good as mine.
However, he didn’t start last week against Villa so I reckon he’s nailed on to start this weekend and may well sign off (possibly) from Spurs once more with a goal or two.
Forward: Sergio Aguero, Manchester City
Choosing who to pick up front this week was impossible!
Firmino is bang in form, playing for a team on a mission, has two goals and an assist against the same opponent from earlier in the season.
Harry Kane wants the golden boot almost as much as he wants to leave Spurs.
Kelechi Iheanacho can’t stop scoring and wants to fire Leicester into the Champions League again.
Chris Wood is the form striker in the league and faces Sheffield United.
Patrick Bamford faces relegated West Brom who he scored 8 points against earlier this season.
They all make compelling cases, but my gut, my head and my heart say it’s time to say farewell to Sergio Aguero by sticking him up front. His last ever Premier League game (unless he fancies partnering Teemu Pukki up front at Carrow Road next season), and we say farewell to a true Premier League legend.
Only Andy Cole, Wayne Rooney and Alan Shearer have scored more than the Argentinian maestro. While Pep will be rotating his team ahead of the European Cup final, this is the perfect opportunity to give Aguero a fully deserved swansong, because barring injury he ain’t starting against Chelsea in Portugal!
The returning City fans could witness the final goal(s) of the Aguero era, and he only needs five to catch Andy Cole….
Just saying.
Captain: Mohamed Salah, Liverpool
The final big call for you to make, and there are some golden rules you should always keep in mind.
Firstly, always pick a player who has something to play for. Secondly, pick a player in form right now. Thirdly, always captain Salah.
With all three boxes ticked, you should captain Mo Salah.
Outsider: Fabio Carvalho, Fulham
Let’s try to squeeze in just one more 0.0% owned point-scoring tip this season, shall we?
Fabio Carvalho has started the last two for Fulham, scoring in one, and faces Newcastle at home, and we all know how rubbish Newcastle are, right? (Yes, I admit they did better than I expected, well done Newcastle fans).
So that’s that. My final preview for another season. Thanks for reading. Thanks for not shouting at me when I was wrong. You could tell me you love me when I’m right, but we can work on that. So, until the website uploads the new players for next season, and we all start working on the first of our 1,274 draft teams, for one last time it’s your move….
*Yes, it counts. Well done. I’m just jealous.
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