FPL Gameweek 13 Preview…

Written by @NiallHawthorne

It seems to me that there’s a general sense of misery surrounding this Premier League season, and I don’t know why.

In the past three seasons we’ve had teams scorching towards 100 points each time, obliterating the opposition and any interest in a title race unless you were a fan of Manchester City or Liverpool. You also had relegation battles among those teams who you always suspected would end up in that predicament. It was all so, meh.

This season we have nine teams within 6 points of the lead, including Southampton, Leicester, West Ham and Everton, who are all above the two Manchester clubs. You have seven teams either in the relegation zone or within six points of the drop zone including Arsenal and Leeds United.

On current form (and after 12 rounds of games we can safely say there is a firm trend in form to be seen), the league title will be awarded to a team with less than 80 points.

In short, this season is BONKERS and more importantly it has every team either looking up and dreaming or looking down in terror, and now we’re heading into the ‘hectic festive schedule’ where players are put to the pin of their collars, the walking wounded are called upon to make the ultimate sacrifice and FPL preview writers kiss their wives and children goodbye and tell them they’ll see them when the FA Cup 3^rd round starts.

Onto GW13!

Defender: Jan Bednarek, Southampton

I tipped a Saints defender last week and he duly delivered a solid 6 points and made his father’s Kyle Walker and Andi Peters very proud. Well done Kyle!

This week my defensive selection was based on the following scientific methodology:

1. Who are Arsenal playing?
2. Who plays in that team’s defence?

So, this week it’s Southampton and I’m going to go for the cheapest option who also happens to have the lowest ownership but has chipped in with a goal and assist in recent weeks to add to his clean sheets.

This may seem like an obvious goading of the lord and master of these very pages, but it’s not. It’s just following FPL form while laughing like a loon.

Midfielder: Bruno Miguel Borges Fernandes, Manchester United   

This week’s @FantasyYIRMA midfielder tip is brought to you by the number FIVE.

Michael Jackson first came to public attention as a member of the Jackson FIVE.

In Istanbul, Liverpool Football Club won it FIVE times.

When you pick Bruno Fernandes in an away match you should give yourself a High FIVE.

In FIVE away PL matches this season, Bruno Fernandes has FIVE goals and FIVE assists.

This week he is away to Sheffield United who, after twelve matches, have scored FIVE goals and have ONE point.

Hang on, that ruins everything! For F*CK SAKE Chris Wilder, stop verbally jousting with Jurgen Klopp and try and coach your football team, yeah?

Besides, Jurgen refuses to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Forward: Patrick Bamford, Newcastle United

I studied, agonised and mused for hours over the Dominic Calvert-Lewin v Jamie Vardy tussle this week, as they go head to head at the King Power Stadium, but decided to veer away from them both in the end (for the record, DCL is averaging 7 points a game away from home while Vardy is averaging just over 5 points a game at home, so make of that what you will).

So, this week I’m plumping for Patrick Bamford against Newcastle United at Elland Road in the Gary Speed derby. Bamford has had two spells at Middlesbrough so that may just rile him up as he takes on local rivals Newcastle, but it’s mostly because I’m absolutely fascinated at the prospect of globally revered football tactician and philosopher Marcelo Bielsa pitting his wits against…..Steve Bruce.

Surely all the pontificating, adulation and all-around football geek w*nkery about Bielsa means a haul for Bamford, right? It’s like Caviar v Pie. Socrates v Russell Brand. Don Perignon v Blue Nun.

Looking at the league table, Leeds United could do with a win here….

Captain: Kevin De Bruyne, Manchester City

I had a lovely snooze this weekend, the kind that creeps up on you, envelops you and when you finally awaken you feel relaxed and mellow, yet a little surprised at how it happened. It was around the 38^th minute of the Manchester Derby on Saturday if memory serves.

Yawn.

What I do recall before and after my snooze is how KDB was the only player on the pitch showing the kind of guile and gumption required of such an occasion. He was on the verge of pulling his ginger hair out as sumptuous pass after nonchalant flick were wasted by his teammates.

This week he welcomes The Baggies to The Etihad in what could be an absolute hammering, or West Brom could stroll to three points. That’s the current Manchester City squad for you.

If it’s the former, then I wouldn’t even think of talking you out of a Triple Captain escapade. But it could also be the latter. Or he could be rested.

Heh.

Outsider: Bobby Decordova-Reid, Fulham  

This fella caught my eye last weekend as he tormented Liverpool, so I decided to look him up as he has a favourable looking fixture against a struggling Brighton side this week.

I knew him as Bobby Reid from his previous stint in the Premier League with Cardiff City in the 18/19 season, but he added the Dercodova to honour his mother who did a lot for him, which is cool. His sister is a Labour MP, which is very cool. And his middle name is Armani, which is ridiculously cool.

He costs £5.3m, is owned by 0.5% and has four goals and an assist thus far this season. That’s the coolest thing of all about him.

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

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Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

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