GW4 Preview

Written by Niall Hawthorne

The big debate in the world of football this week has been the handball rule, and its application in the Premier League this season. The debate itself has borne remarkable similarities to the debate around Covid-19 restrictions. If I had a euro for every person I heard bemoaning the handball law or the ‘lockdowns’, I’d be rich enough to buy myself a Covid-free island and spend all day every day recreating Maradona’s ‘Hand of God’ against the actual Peter Shilton. What larks!

My point is that it’s easy to give out about ‘rules’ that you don’t agree with. It’s a damn sight harder to come up with a plan yourself. Don’t agree with the handball law as it stands? OK then, how should it be?

The most common refrain to that question is for referee’s and lawmakers to ‘use common sense’. Yet we’ve had decades of experience of common sense and judgement being lambasted by every pundit in the land when they didn’t agree. In fact, it sounded exactly like it has for the past week!

Don’t agree with the lockdown restrictions and feel that we ‘must learn to live with the virus’? Great, tell me how. Go on, I’m waiting. Remember though, unless you’re a fan of eugenics, or believe that a form of apartheid should be implemented against the aged or vulnerable, then you must protect them while ‘living with the virus’. Not so easy now, is it?

In summary, it’s easy to chastise those who come up with plans, it’s far hard to come up with plans to replace them.

Which reminds me that I should really tell you how to plan for GW4!

Defender: Timothy Castagne, Leicester City

Now here’s a man who likes to make a good first impression.

A goal, three assists, a clean sheet and four bonus points in his first three outings will certainly get you attention. He faces back to back home games against Claret and Blue opposition with West Ham and Villa calling to the King Power stadium.

West Ham are first up, and they are the antithesis of consistency right now. (On a side note, I reckon ‘antithesis of consistency’ would make a great name for an up and coming band). One minute they’re getting walloped by Newcastle, then they shellac Wolves while their gaffer watches on at home with a mug of Ovaltine, which they then follow up by getting chewed up and spat out by the Toffees.

Could Castagne be the new Alexander-Arnold? Can you have a ‘new’ Alexander-Arnold when the old one is only 21? Am I confused?

I’m saying ‘Yes’.

Midfielder: Adama Traore, Wolverhampton Wanderers

A player who has disappointed thus far this season, but who has a huge opportunity to impress against a frankly hilariously poor Fulham side who stutter into Molineux.

He’s going to get those naturally muscly limbs oiled up nicely before taking his place in the front three as an ‘out of position FPL dream’ should, before racking up at least 10 points.

On a side note, if you are watching this game, keep an eye out for Scotty Parker’s clobber. A double-breasted cardigan and a tie-pin wider than your tie? Relegate them now. Disgraceful.

Forward: Anthony Martial, Manchester United

No logic here, just pure gut instinct.

‘Tony’ has been abysmal thus far this season, but then again, that’s what he does, isn’t it? He’s due, is what I’m saying. A classic ‘Super Sunday’ slot at home to Spurs should be enough to get him to switch his FPL owners from screaming “Merde” to whispering “Ooooh la la, c’est magnifique”

Keep an eye out also for Eric Dier and any unplanned toilet breaks. If he’s defending the wrong end, it’s a long way to the tunnel and the bathroom…could get messy.

Captain: Mohamed Salah, Liverpool

Pop Quiz:

Q1: Who has completed the most passes into the penalty area in the Premier League this season?

A: Mo Salah

Q2: Who has received the most passes in the penalty area in the Premier League this season?

A: Mo Salah

Q3: Who has carried the ball into the penalty area the most in the Premier League this season?

A: Mo Salah

He’s doing alright this season. He faces an Aston Villa side who have beaten Sheffield United and Fulham thus far, flying high with 6 points. Of course, Sheffield United and Fulham have been bobbins this season, so they have a false sense of security and Liverpool are going to batter them.

Outsider: Andre Ayew, Crystal Palace

Just the one assist thus far, however he now faces a wonderfully enticing run of fixtures, starting with Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. You should back a striker facing that defence! Also, all the attention will be on the impressive Zaha, so I fancy Ayew to nip in and steal the glory.

On a personal note I can’t wait for Frank Lampard to have a pop at Roy Hodgson on the side line. He will you know, he’ll actually pick on an old man. He’s that far up his own arse is Frank.

Written by @NiallHawthorne

Written by Niall Hawthorne.

Drop Niall a follow on twitter. Good thing about Twitter – you can always unfollow again later!

Niall Hawthorne has a strange view on most things.

Check out his blog for proof rantsofarebel.wordpress.com.

Gameweek 38+ Preview

Written by @niallhawthorne

And now, the end is near
And so you face the final game week
My friends, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case of which players you should seek
I’ve lived a season that’s full
I transferred each and every player
But more, much more than this
Let’s end this niiiiiiiightmare

Just over two weeks short of a full calendar year ago, Liverpool faced Norwich City at Anfield. Pukki-mania was starting, Divock Origi was scoring and stadiums were full of actual, real people. It seems like a different time, a different era, but it really was ‘this season’.

To those of you who have stuck with us through thick and thin (I’m thick and Ryan’s thin Ed. getting there), I’d like to thank you. These tips may not always have worked out, but quite a few did, and some were absolute doozies. It’s been a pleasure.

Now onto GW38+ and let’s try and wrap things up in style. Also, because I know many of you reading this will be doing so in a desperate bid to catch up in a mini-league, I’m only going to tip players with under 10% ownership this week. (Let’s face it, everyone wants City players against Norwich, and everyone’s going to pick the same few).

GW38+ Defender: Federico Fernandez, Newcastle United

3% ownership, two goals, three assists and eight clean sheets.

This Sunday he’s going to face the Premier League Champions Liverpool, and they are going to be so not-arsed and/or hungover, it’s going to be hilarious. Also, their away form in recent months has been atrocious. One win, one draw and three defeats in their last five away games.

So, go on, bag yourself a (Steve) Brucie Bonus and live life on the edge.

GW38+ Midfielder: Lucas Moura, Tottenham Hotspur

Whisper it quietly, but has Jose found his feet at Spurs?

Undefeated in five league games featuring four wins in that time, and three clean sheets. That’s edging towards ‘Special One’ Mourinho and away from ‘Mid-Life Crisis’ Mourinho.

This week they travel across London to Selhurst Park to play a team that have not so much gone to the beach in recent weeks, as they have bought a condo in Malibu and moved there with their girlfriend, leaving old Uncle Woy forlorn and sucking on a now bitter-tasting Werther’s Original. Seven defeats on the spin for the Eagles, with 17 goals conceded.

4% ownership for Moura and just £7m, this is a pretty easy transfer to make, especially on the back of his double-digit haul last time out.

GW38+ Forward: Troy Deeney, Watford

Three teams go into the last day of the season as a Premier League team, and only one will remain so by 5.30pm on Sunday evening.

Watford are currently managed by Troy Deeney Graham Stack and Hayden Mullins, after their decision to sack Nigel Pearson with two games to go. Many felt it a weird thing to do, but Elton John is rumoured to have put a large wager on Watford for the Premier League 2020/21 season at 5000/1 so maybe there’s some logic behind it.

In any case, Deeney has been a hero for the hornets in dramatic last-day drama before, and I reckon he can do it again here. David Luiz was impressive in recent matches against Liverpool and Manchester City, so based on all previous evidence throughout his career, he’s going to step on a few rakes this Sunday.

Deeney to bang in a brace with just 1.2% ownership. You’ll be buzzing as much as the Hornets.

GW38+ Captain: Callum Wilson, Bournemouth

Motivation.

Twelve months ago, after the season he had, Callum Wilson would have been confident that even if Bournemouth were relegated, he’d be purchased for £20m – £30m quid by a mid-table Premier League outfit, and he’d continue to bask in the ‘Best League in The World’ spotlight.

As we know, a lot can change in a year. Now Bournemouth are staring right down the relegation barrel, and due to COVID Finances, there’s no guarantee that anyone will be splashing the required cash to keep Callum in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed.

A season or two in a non-Premier League Bournemouth side in front of 11,000 punters can alter people’s perception of you quite dramatically, so you can see where Callum Wilson is getting his motivation from this Sunday.

I reckon he smashes in a couple and shows the kind of form that made him an England International. It’ll count for nowt mind you, as Bournemouth are doomed. DOOMED I TELL THEE!

GW38+ Outsider: William Smallbone, Southampton

How do I top my pick from last week?

To remind those of you who may have missed it, I tipped a player with 0.0% ownership (Podence for Wolves) and he gone and done a goal. I’ll be dining out on that one for years to come, let me tell you.

This week I must improve on that. So, I’m going to tell you that William Anthony Patrick Smallbone is going to assist a goal for Danny Ings in the 78th minute, before netting his first league goal in the 85th minute, to clinch a 2-1 victory for Southampton against Sheffield United.

If this comes off, I may retire. See you next season!